SomeWhere On... (BXB)

Day 2

Crying's exhausting. So we stay in the bed until dinner. His aunt gives us the evil eye for swearing, and nobody really says anything. There's an enormous elephant in the room that everyone's okay with ignoring, even us. We go back upstairs and do nothing.

We don't really talk when we wake up the next day. When I wake up the next day. I don't know why but Murph seems to be even more exhausted than he was before.

"Pup?"

"Don't call me that." He's just sitting in the chair at the desk. He's playing with the leg parts of his glasses.

"Luv – "

"No."

I sigh. It's pretty okay punishment. "Murph, you okay?"

He puts on his glasses and turns the chair towards me. "I've been thinking." And then glares at me. "Stand back, he's about to blow," he mocks.

The glare would've been cute if he didn't look like he was about to cry again. "About what?"

"...you really don't have anything back home?"

I did not expect that. "Not really."

"Not even Steve and Gavin?"

"Nothing that ties me down." I wanna look away. I don't. "It's not that simple, Murph. It's not like I wouldn't miss them. Steve's my best friend." Gavin's turning into less of a shit. And Jessie's attached to Steve at this point, so she's up in the air regarding my friendship with her. "But I didn't go to uni, I'm not close with my family. I don't have a job that I love, or a flat I'm really attached to. Just the bed."

Murph tries to hide his smile. "You do have a comfy bed."

I smirk. And then it goes away. "But I'm not having it shipped here." Honestly, I'd miss the bed more than anything else over there. That isn't a person. "I'd miss London, sure. But...I have no good reason to stay."

He frowns. "I...can't just ask you to pick up your whole life for me."

"I'm not asking you to. I'm sayin' I would."

He inhales and shakes his head. Murph pulls his knees into his chest. "I wanna move out, and going with you would be the best option. We could squat at your flat until we have enough for a terrace home somewhere outside the city." He pauses and looks up. "I know...it's impossible. To live where you are without Steve helping us." Murph licks his lips and swallows. "We could find work. New work."

"...you'd lose everything."

Murph tilts his head. "No, I'm certain I'd still be certified in the UK."

Not what I meant. "No...no, you've...built up your life here. Not here, but in America. I can't ask you to lose that." I scoot closer to him. "Murph, moving countries isn't like moving houses. You start over. Everything you've done doesn't seem to matter anymore. New people, new rules. And sometimes it doesn't make sense to do it." I take in a breath. "Like...one of the thing I love that you do is talk about home. It's this place that's warm and filled with memories 'n shit."

He slides off the chair and scoots towards me.

"I fuckin' hate you for having that."

He snorts.

I look at him. "Y'know how many times we moved? Three. And every time it was a new neighbourhood. New school. New people. I figured...the last time we'd move wouldn't be the end. And we didn't. And when we didn't, I felt..."

"Relieved?" he asks.

I nod. "Not totally that, but...secure. I met Steve at school that first week. I never really wondered when I was gonna come home to find Mum 'nd Michael packing up everything again."

Murph scoots closer to me. "I'm sorry."

"It happened," I say, indifferent. "Can't change it." I look at him. "But I wanna come here. I love you."

"I love you, too, Tommy, but – "

"No, you don't get it. Like..." I lick my lips. "You make me feel like...warm 'n shit. And you're just so...eager to help me. Like, like you see this...untapped potential to succeed in me." I can actually feel the blood running to my head. "Like nothing I do that's shitty can make you change your mind about me." My brows furrow together and I drop my gaze.

Murph's turned into a tomato again.

"And, and I...love that." I look back at him. "I love that you don't give a shit that I've had this sketchy past. Or that I fucked more guys than you can imagine. You just see...me. And everything I can do." I squeeze his hands again. "You make me feel like nothing's impossible. You make me feel safe. You make me feel worth something. And I don't know how you do it, but you do." I lean forward and bury my face in his shoulder. "I should've been here. I should've been here for you." I groan and wish I could go invisible. "So there. I love you."

God, this is so fucking embarrassing.

And he doesn't say anything.

So now it's my turn to open-mouth breathe, except it's on his shoulder. Say something, Murph. Anything. Make a joke. Say a bad pun. Something.

"Do you mean it?" he asks.

I nod. "Wouldn't be saying it if I didn't."

Murph runs his hands over his face and sighs. "Well, I won't let you go."

"And I won't let you go."

He looks at me. "What do we do?"

I don't know.