The Wind Whispers

Chapter Thirteen

A hot tear swelled and soon it slid down my face. It was because of me. He had even said so himself. Maybe not directly but he hadnt needed to. I couldnt move, my body wouldn't allow it. I let the paper fall into my lap and I looked up at my parents, they held each others hands as I fought back a dam of tears that was about to crumble, my voice cracked,

"Did you know?" My father lifted a hand as if he were pleading his innocence,

"Now darlin-"

"Did you know!?" I stood and crumbled the paper and threw it at my now fearful parents. William was gone because I hadnt loved him back. He was gone because what I had given him, hadnt satisfied him. My dearest friend would rather have been out at war, then here with me. My heart had shattered into a million pieces. My hands slid over my mouth as I wept, fat tears kissed my cheeks and my voice sounded defeated,

"William's going to die because of me!" I was hysterical. My mother rushed towards me and wrapped her arms around me,

"Oh sweety no! William loves you dearly you know that, he's a strong boy he'll come back" I threw my hands in the air attempting to push my mother away,

"He rode off into war because I told him I couldn't want him!...not the way he wanted me to! William willingly went back to a battle because he would rather die then live without me and your telling me that I should be ok because I cant give him what he wants!? I cant give him life!?" John and Thomas had heard the commotion and when they entered the room I couldnt stand to look at them, my voice rose as I wept,

"He would still be here if it weren't for you! If I hadnt ever met either one of you my life never would have been so harrowing and filled with a new problem every single day! If I hadnt ever..fallen for both of you" I pointed an aquisational finger at the men who stood before me and they didn't speak a word, I had just admitted I'd fallen head over heels for them, both of them, and they didnt bat an eye, not one word was spoken. I tilted my head as I shook it repeatedly,

"You knew..both of you, and you let me, you let me accept your kisses and your embrace whilst you knew that I was torn.. and you made me feel guilty about it.." John's mouth fell open but I held up a hand,

"Now William is gone, and will likely die...because of me, because I was some stupid girl who actually for a moment..for just a split second, thought that she could be happy-could make someone else happy..Jasper was right.." John's face turned a beat red and he shook his head,

"Jasper Perry has nothing to do with this, his words found there way to you out of pure coincidence and convenience...he dosnt know anything about us" I grabbed my head out of pure frustration and laughed manically,

"No that's what's hilarious John! He dosnt know you and yet he seemed to know you better then I ever have!" I looked at John now, and really looked at him and my heart broke once more, his eyes were shiny, but he shed no tears, he knew he didnt deserve to be the one who was hurt, and yet he was.

Fresh tears gathered at my lids and then silently fell complacent with the last batch. I stared into his eyes and my voice barely grew above a whisper,

"I was going to give myself to you..I was going to choose you John.."

Thomas's eyes grew dim and he let out a hurt sigh under his breath as he rubbed a hand across his five o'clock shadow. He felt defeated and yet he knew all along from the beginning that he could end up here. Somehow John had won her over, and Thomas envied him for it. John shook his head slowly, at first with disbelief and then, with disappointment in himself. He had purposely avoided her so that neither she or he would end up hurt and now they both were.

"I'm leaving..tonight" My mother who had kept silent alongside my father this whole time now spoke up and she reached out for me,

"Oh Marie please stop and just take a moment to process everything! We'll all figure this out" I looked at my mother and my voice was monotone as it slipped from my lips,