Even If We Want, We Can't

Chapter 4

Elha's POV

Zerin's wedding felt like the official reconnection to my life with Ayaaz's. It takes my everything to reject Raida Aunty's invitation every weekend. I know she meant well. She just wants to spend time with me. But I can't put myself in the place where I could go through those things again. As much as I love Ayaaz's parents, I can't help myself to think that I can't call them my family. But I should talk to them. I should tell them I'm no longer mad at their son. 

How could I when he has been through so much. It is almost impossible to imagine what he goes through. Even though he could have everything. I can't lie, I have imagined every night, after that eventful night, if Ayaaz would have been honest with me, how life could be. If we could still be together. What if he fell in love with me, like I did? 

The worst possible phase of your life is what if. No one wants to live in what if. It was easier when I didn't know about these things. Now that I know, I can't help but be mad at him. We could have saved ourselves from many pains. It is only what if. 

Today is a special day. The collaboration we have been working on, has finally put into full on work. I have been assigned with the marketing team. Which means I have to work with Ayaaz. Or not, he could have important works  in his office. I walked towards the meeting room to meet all the other stuffs from the other company. As soon as I walked into the room, my breath knocked out. Ayaaz was there.

He looked at me for a brief moment then advert his gaze, which I was thankful for. I took seat on the round table beside one of my colleague. She smiled at me. 

"Hey, I know you! You are friends with Freddy!" She said and I nodded. Freddy is my office best buddy. Currently he's been in the training in England. 

"I'm Alex. Don't get creeped out. I'm just new here. There are nothing much to do than observe for first weeks." She threw me a friendly smile. I smield back.

"I know right?  I'm Elha." I said and put my files on the table. 

"So does it make you my boss for this project?" She said. I chuckled and shook my head.

"No no, Mr. Alexander will personally be the head of our team. This is a very important deal for us you know. It all depends on the publicity." I said . She smirked at me. 

"You know the boss has a thing for you, right?" She said and even though I so wanted to not know but I knew. "I know. But I'm not interested." I shrugged. Her jaw dropped.

"Come on! He's so hot! I was so swoon!  You missed a gem!" She poked her elbow at me. I chuckled. It turns out I missed a lot of gems in last 5 years. I took a glance at Ayaaz who was onto his phone. I shook my head absent mindedly, he still does that to ignore people. I have like PhD on ignored by Ayaaz. 

"Do you know this man?" Alex said pointing at Ayaaz. I gulped. No one in the office knows about my marriage or divorce.

"Not really. We meet for the contract?" It sounded like I was explaining my own marriage. She smiled.

"Oh really? He is the picture perfect definition of you know the ruddy boss of those chick lit books!" She giggled. I looked at him. He does. I smiled.

"But over there John told me, he's not looking for anyone." She said pointing at the guy who was standing by the window with 2 other guys. Alex here sure is a gossip.  I raised my eyebrows. 

"What? He happened to tell me. Also he's been divorced and is having a hard time moving on." She said and it pinched my heart. I slowly applaud for him how he's been using our divorce in his favour. Other than Freddy know one even knows about it form my side. I was about to say something when our boss walked in.

"Hello everyone, as much as I am a laid back boss, I'd appreciate if you take your seats for formality." Mr Alexander flashed a smile which made many girls blushed. I almost laughed. 

"I'd like to welcome our friends from Henry Ford Company! Mr. Joshua Freeman." He said and the blond guy from the furthest seat waved at us. "Mr Johnson Evans." Alex's gossip John waved at us. "Ms. Tahmina Saleh." said and the girl beside John nodded and smiled. "Mr. Scot Asher." Beside Tahmina a very tall guy smiled at us. And Mr. Ayaaz Rahman." Ayaan nodded at us and his eyes landed at me and my stomach gave a very bad crunch, like the time when you get diarrhea type. 

"From our company we want to welcome you and assure you that your experience with us will be amazing." Mr Alexander flashed a smile and I let out a loud chuckle and following me everyone started to laugh. One by one Mr. Alexander introduce us. 

"Mr. Ayaaz will be in charge and supervise your works because I cannot think of anyone but him to take such responsibility." Our boss said and everyone clapped to congratulate him. Ayaaz being him just nodded grimly. Felix, one of my college, raised his hands. 

"Boss, can we now be a bit loose, it feels weird to act this formal." He said and Mr Alexander looked down and chuckled. Then she nodded. It felt like we just huffed a deep breath. 

"Hey, Boss? Missed me?" There was a voice from the door. All of our eyes trailed there and my face broke into a big smile. 

"YOU were not supposed to come for at least two weeks." I said before I stopped myself. Freddy flashed me  big smile and took a chair form the back and nudged Harry who was sitting beside  me. Then sat beside me. 

"Surprise!" He waved both of his hands and I started to laugh.

"Welcome back, Mr Freddy. But I'm sorry to inform you, you are not a member of this project." Mr Alexander said. Freddy pouted.

"Please Boss! I have learned some very posh British words in my trailing, I'll be very helpful." Freddy begged. 

"You'll only add into many responsibilities Ms. Elha has." Boss said.

"I'll not be. I'll babysit Elha."Freddy said and aggressively patted my head. Boss chuckled.

"If you make any fuss, you are fired." He said trying to sound stern, but no one can be stern to Freddy. 

"Yaay."Freddy said and his eyes landed on Ayaaz. Instantly his smile vanished. I grabbed his hand under the table and shook my head.  Ayaaz gave him a confused stare. Freddy huffed like a child and concentrate on the meeting.

"So you telling me this man will be our boss? Are you alright?" said Freddy when the meeting was dismissed, I  was collecting my papers from the table. I nodded.

"He's looking at you." Freddy said and I nodded again. Freddy knows who Ayaaz. But doesn't know that what happened in Zerin's wedding. I didn't want to rant it our to him.

"He's an ass." Freddy said looking at Ayaaz and I poked him on the stomach with my elbow. He winced. Owh!  

"What was that for?" He said. 

"We need to talk." I said as I we walked out of the room. Leaving Ayaaz's lingering gaze behind.