repercussions ✓

XLI. PARTY FAVOR

ASHTON FINALLY STOPS IN ONE OF THE BEDROOMS - it looks like Calum's, from what Matt knows - and locks the door. Alarm bells are already ringing in his head.

"Ash, are you drunk?"

The older boy laughs, once, sharply, before swaying a little and glaring straight at Matt and sitting down on the bed. Between this interaction and talking to Michael earlier, it's obvious that seeing the band drunk is a thing that scares him a lot.

"Had to be drunk to do this, didn't I?" His voice has softened now, and he looks almost like the person Matt was used to calling at three in the morning about nothing in particular. "God, I must be crazy. Must be insane to think this is a good idea."

Matt tries to interject, but Ashton just carries on talking. "Because, because... Fuck, Matt, I miss you so much. I thought breaking up with you was a good idea, for my own health, but now it's even worse for me. That's why I was on the hotline, why I can't bear talking to you, because it just reminds me that I'm alone."

He can't do anything except nod along, as Ashton stands up again. There's a clear sway and unsteadiness in his step as he moves towards Matt, but he sounds perfectly sober when he finally speaks again.

"I know I drove you to all this. I know I was playing the victim and I didn't deserve to do that, and I'm so, so sorry for all of this. You deserve better."

It's impossible for Matt to not pull Ashton into a hug then, because they both fucked up. Ashton tried to make it all about him, and Matt tried to exploit him in order to get him to come back, and it was all just a toxic, manipulative mess.

"I love you." Ashton mumbles into Matt's shoulder, and he laughs a little. "No, seriously, I do."

He pulls back then, and stares into Matt's eyes now. It's a little too intense, and it doesn't take a genius to figure out what's going to happen next.

Ashton doesn't taste of alcohol, which is the first thing Matt really notices. Strawberry and mint, just how he always used to. Michael felt like that as well, but Ashton is something amazing, the thing that he's been missing for years now.

"I love you." Ashton repeats. "Love you so, so, so much. Missed you. Need you back."

And Matt just smiles to himself, and runs his fingers through Ashton's hair, ignoring the hair dye that comes off. "I love you too."

"Can I come home with you?" He presses on, and somehow, it all feels wrong. Matt is still smiling, but sadly now, as he strokes Ashton's jaw slowly. "Please?"

The scariest thing is how easy it would be. Sleep with Ashton, and somehow talk him around to the idea of their relationship being reinstated in the morning.

But his last hook-up ended so irreparably badly, that Matt shakes his head, trying not to notice the change in his expression. "Ash... No, come on. You don't live here with Luke anymore, do you? I'll get you a taxi home, back to your place, OK?"

There's nothing Ashton can do except smile and agree.