behind my smiles,
discovered its weak side
this girl who has depression, OCD
her friends
who backstabbed her
the unknown who knifed her life
they keep coming back to me
perhaps it's my true self
huh, these feelings of mine felt unknown
it felt like a never-ending cycle
here goes another round of "She's ugly, she's untalented, she's annoying"
here, sip my tea of act between the warm touch of your thumb
as I pour these lies to your cup
i pretend to be strong,
here I pour and I pour 'til the cup's over-filled
i want to plead but it's fine I'll just follow your lead
to the point
it becomes a habit of mine
"i don't care," I say
said to the weak me
who cries so easily
who gets bruised by those words like the catastrophe
who injures herself
drops herself to the floor over and over again
like that single piece of a dime from my wallet
that same wallet they look down upon me for
please do continuously call me that annoying bore
as time goes by,
i asked myself constantly,
"who the hell am I?"
i don't feel like my true self
so scarred and traumatized
and here I say I am tired of this
i despise myself
after those door-slamming
bathroom-looking
isolation
imitation
recreational days
all of this is a haze
yet they still crave
there I stay with them
feeling scared, self-conscious
yet numb like I'm unconscious
'til now I say I think
twice
thrice
even more at times of everything I do
here I continue by saying
i'm afraid
afraid to hate
it'll only hurt myself
i just have one wish
i want to have someone who truly cares about me
who doesn't give a fuck about my flaws
who's there for me
to be the shoulder I cry on
to hold my hand tightly
be my shining light
give me hope
is it that hard,
to not be apart from that who cherishes me
wanting to be loved might be selfish
and I might be hellish
but I just want to be cherished
so can I?
can I be loved?
is it bad?
wanting to be loved?
