Reach For You [Dad!Calum Hood AU]

Chapter 9

Chapter 9

IF HE CAUGHT a glimpse of himself in the reflection of his drink, Calum would've thrown it against the damn wall. It was reminiscent of a few months ago, when he first found out about Luna and had a bit of a breakdown in his apartment, a glass already falling victim to his frustration once before. There was a point in his life, years ago, when Calum thought the most painful heartache he'd experienced was when Aspen left him. Then he thought nothing could beat the raging betrayal he'd felt when he found out he had a daughter. But now, with a truth so heavy and unbelievable and destructive ruling over his head, Calum couldn't fucking think.

He didn't want to. Not when he knew his thoughts would be consumed by what Aspen told him, not when he would be forced to think of the one woman he held on a pedestal in a way he never thought imaginable.

Calum's head fucking hurt. Too much had gone on in the past day, his mind a convoluted mess of thoughts he couldn't seem to weave his way through. He'd slept with Aspen. He'd let himself give into the primal desire that he hadn't known was bubbling until the moment he let it all out, let himself get lost in her in the intimate way he hadn't been aware he was craving. And then. . . Then she came clean. She told him, everything, and as much as Calum had wanted to know the truth, now he wished he hadn't heard a single thing. How was he supposed to believe it? How was he supposed to accept the truth?

He'd called his mother, right when he got in the car after leaving Aspen's apartment, with shaky fingers and an unsteady breath. When he heard his mother speak, greeting him happily, Calum's eyes screwed shut and forehead rested against the steering wheel, jaw clenching shut tightly as he willed himself to sound perfectly normal. As if everything was okay. As if he wasn't just told his mother was the reason he never knew he had a daughter.

But he managed to. He stayed sane, stayed steady, as he persuaded his mother to come out to New York with his dad to visit him. A conversation needed to be had and it needed to be done in person. Calum spewed some bullshit about wanting them to see the New York club and felt a prickle of satisfaction when his mum said they'd take the next flight out.

Though, nothing could replace the bitter, agonizing pain that poisoned his blood as Aspen's words echoed in his head on a loop. So much needed to be done, to be said, to be decided, and Calum felt dizzy from trying to figure everything out. Sleeping with Aspen would change things, wouldn't it? It's not something they can take back or ignore. Things were already teetering on a fine line between them, and this just threw them off whatever balance they may have had.

Fuck, Calum didn't even know how to feel about her, about what they did. Not when he could feel himself spiraling, drinking down to the bottom of the bottle of whiskey as he thought of his mother's actions. Of Aspen's actions. Was it true? Did he believe it? If it was, did he still blame Aspen? Could he put himself in her shoes and try to understand?

Calum's grip on the glass tightened. But instead of shattering it against the wall, he emptied the rest of the whiskey into it and drank.

He was numb to the burn of the alcohol. Unfortunately for him, he was nowhere near being numb to the anguish from his circumstances.

*****

There was only one thing keeping Calum's heart from racing, and that was Duke. His dog was thrilled to see Calum after months of being separated, his paws clattering on the floor of Calum's apartment as he jumped around excitedly, and Calum felt a sense of comfort from the little dog as he pet him and let Duke lick at him. It was all that could maintain the calm facade Calum was sporting, his smiles genuine at the dog but somehow still forced, disappearing altogether when he heard the thick clacks of heels approaching from the hallway.