Cantor> "I've heard thousands of stories of people who have beat their demons. People who changed their lifestyle and put distance between their problems. And...I don't know if you can help me but, how do I separate myself from something that feels so much like it IS me?"
Oraculi> "I know that it isn't what you want to hear but, you can't. You are incapable of defeating this. As hard as you might try to force it out or suppress it you can not control it."
Cantor> "So what do I do?"
Oraculi> "Take the next step."
This has been ingrained in my memory ever since that day. That conversation gave me a new approach to traversing the ?֖%@) dimension. But, I'm not only talking about taking the next step. While that is what I do (so often in fact, that I pace randomly in the External). I'm alluding to the fact that there isn't much I can do beyond taking a step. In the external people will point to olympic sprinters, mountain climbers, and seasoned gymnasts. They say that "they just tried time and time again until they got better, more capable of accomplishing their craft, or goal, or whatever..."
I for one am sick of it. As soon as it seems I may be making progress of any sort I am hit with something else. My Room is falling apart more than ever before...I thought I was making progress. I thought I was taking the next step. I saw improvement with my own eyes so WHAT HAPPPENNEDD? Wwhwhy CAN'T Ii BEaT Thhis. It's not working like I was told it would. I'm overwhelmed. I'm sick, I'm disgusted when I look in a mirror. I want relief from the pressures. For once I want to tell someone what I'm dealing with and not have to worry about this paper mache pedestal that my reputation sits on.
I've had interactions in my ?֖%@) dimensions basement where people have said 'I know what you are going through' when I recited the problems that I face.
How is that possible? I don't even know what is going on with myself. How could someone understand me when I don't understand me. Sure I can take personality tests and they can tell me some things.
I am an ENFJ (Myers Briggs)
I am a Two (Enneagram)
I am an Otter (Animal Personality)
I am.WORTHLESS *cough*
I'm conflicted with myself. If my ego left me alone for a moment, I could legitimately say I am the worst person I know. And I don't even know myself all that well.
I can't seem to move my feet much anymore... He was right...Votum couldn't stay forever. Did she leave or did I let her go? Either way I'll try to move closer to something; Anything to get me away from myself. Sure I don't know what I'm doing, and my vaults spewing thousands of quotes at my mind but I. D.O.N.T C.A.R.E.
~~~Vault~~~
'What do you expect? Once you level up, don't you know the boss is bigger?'
'Do not run like someone running aimlessly; Do not fight like a boxer beating the air.'
'The biggest threats get the most attention.'
~~~Character List~~~
Myself (Author):
Name- Cantor
Gender-Male
Phase tendencies- Frequent flitter, relationship oriented, influenced by a voice.
Friend:
Name- Laetus
Gender-Female
Phase Tendencies- Peaceful phaser. Stays in the External most of the time. Relationship oriented.
Mentor:
Name- Oraculi
Gender- Male
Phase Tendencies- Unknown
YOU ARE READING
Going Mental
RandomThese separate realities weren't made to collide this often. How can I tell what is real and what is in my head? Can the two coexist in harmony or does one need to be eliminated? If one is eliminated how will it effect me? How will it effect those a...
