Problems pt.2

My trans experience

I most likely will wist this into parts or something I don't know but we will see.

my first binder/finding things out

so when I came out to my friends they accepted me and even made a bunch of jokes, they were all happy with me and were glad I told them. It was scary as hell to tell anyone about this kind of things and I knew that they would accept me but it still scared me, but coming out of the closet takes such a large weight off of my shoulders, I came out to 2 of my teachers, all of my friends, plus my therapist and of course parents and online. 

the first people I cam out too were both people that are well informed about these things, I was talking about my feelings to them, both of them are nonbinary and genderfluid and they explained a lot of things to me, it took me a long time and a lot of thinking, trust m A LOT of thinking, I always considered my self a cis female, nothing could change my mind but that's only what I convinced my self... to this day I still question, what if this really is 'just a phase' or what if I'm just a wannabe 'trender' or whatever the fuck they called it....

one day I was getting really self-conscious and gender dysphoric and I remembered one of my nonbinary friends mentioned how they had a binder for cosplay but they said that they only used it once to cosplay but never used it since, one day after being misgendered way too much, I understood, she was too young to understand all of that and her parents where strong mormans so they probably sheltered her form all that stuff but she kept on saying stuff like "are you sure your, not a girl?" or "yeah, that's a girl! stop lying!" and things along those lines, her sibling tried to convince her but it didn't work that well... after all of that, once I got home, I contacted that friend that had the binder and asked "hey I know this is a strange question but, can I have that binder you mentioned?" I didn't want to sound needy or anything but this was taking a large toll on me, they instead bought me a new one with their own card/money they have, I was so happy, I got super close to crying.

once they ordered it she said it would come in around 2-3 weeks, this didn't mind me, yeah I was anxious but the fact that they where going to do something like that for me meant a lot. One radome day I was at the mall with a group of my friends, the person who got me the binder has a boyfriend and he is one of my closest friends, I've known him for over 6 years at that point, he and her face time a lot and like text a lot when they aren't around and out of nowhere she video called him, we all gathered around saying like "hey! Kat! What's up!! how you doin'" and stuff like that she called me over, me and him stepped aside to listen to what she had to say without having background noise and side comments.

did I forget to mention that they were rich, and have like a mansion, besides that back to the story?

we went off to the side, the binder was about 2 weeks away, BuT apparently, it came in early!! I  did tear up a bit this time, I was laughing I was so happy! I thanked them so many times. 

by the time it came in and she gave it to me I got home and I just looked myself in the mirror and cried, barely anyone misgendered me, what happened, my happiness was beyond words, I think most call it euphoria, that is what I was feeling my dopamine (the feeling of happiness pretty much) hormones where bouncing off the wall.

my parents and I got in a fight, I don't want to talk about it its a long story, but long story short I was forced to throw it away... BUT luckily recently I have 3 different methods to try and bind, first one I didn't mention to my parents yet was trans tape, it looks like something my parents might agree to, cross my fingers, the second one was free binder websites for those in need, I applied for one and I have yet to receive an email of confirmation though(wait a minute, I didn't even check, maybe I just didn't see the email notifacation.. well shit we will see)... and the third one id bandages for like injured ankles and stuff. I was going to get one at the store tomorrow so wish me luck...

that's all for now I guess...

yep, that's all I had to say, maybe their won't be more than one part, who even knows anymore.