If you died ~ Joker Juuzou Suzuya x Reader fanfiction

Please wake up: I

Juuzou's Pov

I sat next to the hospital bed Shinohara-san lay comatose in, as I was still recovering from the entire experience of the operation, despite it being a little less than a week ago. Approximately 5 days ago to be exact. Since then I've been forced to stay in these extremely uncomfortable small beds as they hook me up to machines, making sure I was stable. I underwent an amputation of my leg due to it being twisted horrifically in battle, as I was told. Explains why it was so difficult to run.

I kept my eyes focused on Shinohara, trying my hardest to keep my mind off of the sorrow, guilt, and sadness I had never felt before, I could go on. It was my fault.

I listened to the ticking silver clock across from me in the white wall. It was the only other noise in this room beside my swarming thoughts. I had never in my 19 years of being alive felt anything like this. It was so new, it was scary. Kind of silly how flesh eating ghouls don't even make me flinch but emotions can put me in a scared trance. My mind tried to make the best of my current situation and hoped to hear the gasp of shinohara's raspy voice awakening. It was as if I could already hear his voice once he saw me. J-Juuzou... This was just a thought of course.

Just the thought of that happening caused a tear to roll down my cheek. My mind appeared to be playing tricks on me, every few seconds I would flinch and glance up to check if he had awoken. I felt a knot in my throat as I held back the rest of the salty water begging to escape my crimson eyes. Half of this was because of the thought of seeing him wake up, and the other half was because I secretly knew it would be a lot more time till he actually did.

Just thinking of the truth caused my stomach to churn. It felt like pain, but how is that possible? The sudden noise of two people entering the room caught my attention, causing me to flinch and tighten my grasp on the blanket I had in my lap and look up. There stood before me a nurse and the wife of shinohara. Just seeing her made it impossible to hold in another tear, that soon after trickled down before I began to speak.

(just know I took this from the manga. Shinohara's wife actually does come and Juuzou does apologize and bow)

"Mrs. Shinohara, please accept my apology it was all my fault!" I exclaimed as I rapidly forced myself to stand up and bow, the tears now impossible to hold in. There was a moment of silence as I stared down at the ground, all the tears making a small pile beneath the shadow of my head. I would understand if she never wanted to look me in the eye again, talk to me, or even slap me right now.

I suddenly felt a hand on my tender, yet sturdy shoulders pulls me up to look her in the eyes. Her ocean blue eyes appeared glassy and held no hatred or negative emotion.

Tears trickled down her cheek as she pulled her peach colored lips into a smile. "Please do not apologize Juuzou, it was not your fault."

The lady who appeared to be in her late 30's pulled me into an embrace. This was new, took a few seconds to adjust before it felt comfortable. Her strong sent filled my nose, smelling identical to Shinohara. Or maybe it was shinohara who smelled like her all the time. I couldn't help but hug the lady back, the sent jerking another tear.

I hate this. I wish it was over and I never had to feel this again...

-The next day.

I awoke to a noise of surprise erupting from a woman entering Shinohara's hospital room. I opened my eyes and soon focused on who appeared to be a nurse with a confused and surprised expression.

"Sweetie you spent the night in Mr. Shinohara's room? You were supposed to return to your room at dawn!" she said as she pulled my wheelchair out and motioned for me to sit in it.