The letter

Back down the rabbit hole

Dear x,

you're back.

I ignored your first message, which came after another 5 months. The second message only took you two days, once you didn't get a reply.

There's still no real explanation for the long time it took you to get back in contact. Maybe you were really busy. Maybe I am just not high on your priority list. I didn't ask. You didn't say. Somehow I am high enough on it though that you started sending letters again.

Finally there was some explanation when it comes to your sudden reappearance. You have a request, an offer, a favour to ask whichever way one looks at it. Naturally, saying no was out of the question even though you gave me the option. It wouldn't feel right. I would feel horrible. I'd never intentionally let you down.

So, now it's up to you once again and let's see how long it will take you to cash in that favour you asked for. I still expect you to just vanish again.

There are moments I beat myself up for not being strong enough to ignore you. I would have, if I thought you knew what you were doing to me. I know that you aren't malicious. Scatter-brained, a bit odd, adorably all over the place, but never mean spirited.

Therefor, I can't be either. Replying to you cost me yet another sleepless night of tossing and turning and wishing you were here. 

I've got better at ignoring the longing and distracting myself. You offered once more to come and see me, but I know you well enough now not to believe you. I'm sure you believe it yourself, in a way that you simply say it without giving it any thought beside the initial idea.

Knowing that I won't see you again anytime soon, possibly ever should give me peace of mind. Sometimes it does. Sometimes it just makes me sad. Because I still miss you, even though I don't really know you. I do miss you though, I really really do.

I'm waiting for your next mail now. Please, don't let me down.

Yours Y