All About Your Heart

Entry 7: Nightmare

October 31, 2018

It's been a few days. I'm truly sorry I'm not good at consistently writing each day. I'm not sure I even have a good excuse any more. Daddy's execution date has been set. It'll be on November 17. My birthday. How cruel is that? I mean, it's not like they had any idea. As far as anyone knows, he doesn't have any family to miss him. They have a few things wrong that according to the records is correct. The one fact that they have right is the total people he has killed. 12,462 total victims. Everything else isn't accurate. Except of course that Mom died early on.

According to their statistics he hasn't failed once the entire time he's been an assassin. Also, they know at one point he had a wife, but according to them she died early in their marriage leaving him with no children to speak of. That's wrong of course. One failed attempt. One daughter. Of course, technically their reports are correct. Since the deal, Erik made me and the attempt disappear. No one ever found out anything. I might go further into that in another entry. There's actually something else I wanted to tell you about now.

I've started having a recurring nightmare ever since I found out the date of the execution. Each night, when I fall asleep, I see my father bound at gunpoint. I'm frozen in place, unable to speak or go to him and I'm forced to watch as they kill him in front of me. His eyes are wide as he stares at me. I wake up with the gunshot in a cold sweat most nights, shouting the word Daddy into the darkness of my bedroom. And then I cry. I roll over, bury my face in my pillow to muffle to sounds and then just sob until I fall back asleep. The dream only occurs once per night so after I sob myself to sleep I don't have to endure it again.

However, it still is ruining my nights and I think that Nadir, Antoinette and some of the others have started to notice how exhausted I seem during the day. I don't think Erik has noticed yet even though we've had two more lessons since the one I last wrote about. No more kisses though, just in case you were wondering. I've started singing to myself whenever I am wandering around the day. I try to act like nothing's wrong. But at night I can't escape the nightmare. It plagues me. Haunts me at all times. I know it won't happen exactly like that, but that doesn't change anything.

Because of who he is, Daddy's execution will be televised live for anyone and everyone to see. Most likely, everyone will be celebrating the death of Trevor Snow, feared assassin who has taken the lives of so many people. So many people that I'm almost positive most of the people watching will have lost at least one friend or loved one at his hand. Of course everyone will be happy to see him die. One person won't be as happy. One person won't be celebrating even though she should be doing that on her birthday. How can anyone expect me to be happy and celebrate when for my birthday I get to watch my father be executed though?

What kind of a sick, twisted birthday present is that? The past two years, Erik has gotten me one present for my birthday. The first year it was my half mask pendant with the hidden microphone in it. He said it was for emergencies and anytime I called he would come to me. Last year he got me a music box that played one of his compositions. The one he calls Music of the Night. It only plays a section of it since he couldn't fit very many notes. But I love it all the same and still keep it on the nightstand next to my bed.

I don't know what he'll get me this year, and I'm not sure I even want something from him in light of what will most likely overshadow the whole day and make me wish the day wasn't happening in the first place. Maybe the next time I go down for a lesson I'll tell him I don't want anything this year. He'll probably throw a fit and insist that I let him get me something anyway. Or maybe he'll understand? Maybe I just won't bring it up. I mean, he probably already knows how I'm feeling towards the day in question.

I mean, he's the only one in this entire place who knows who my father is. It is kind of strange how that worked out. I really will have to tell you about that day. For now I'm going to attempt to sleep. I probably won't get much since I'll have the nightmare. I'm going to stop writing now. I'll try to write again soon, but I can't make any promises. After all, I seem to not be able to keep a steady writing schedule. Oh, yeah I almost forgot to mention so I'll say it now before I sign off for the night! Happy Halloween!

-Jessica Snow