'But he loves me!' Mira told herself firmly as she applied dettol on the cut near her lip. 'He seemed drunk', she thought,' it must have been an accident, he means me no harm'. She assured herself and smiled at her reflection.
But as the years went...
"Nothing dies as beautifully as autumn" – Ashlee Willis.
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Autumn is correctly known as fall. Things fade away and die. It could be beautiful but it is also very painful.
Pain. Mira felt that. For the first time her father had refused her. Her brothers were upset and angry at her love and her mother, she was weeping and rambling about how the men in the family had ruined her daughter. Mira thought her father would agree but he didn't and so, she packed. She told them she was only joking to see their reactions. The mood in the house never turned back to normal but at least it didn't look like someone had died in there. As soon as everyone went to sleep, Mira tip-toed to her mother's cupboard and took the keys that were hidden away under a sari she rarely wore. She knew what was were and took away all the jewels that her father said would be given to her and some cash to sustain her initial life away with him and left.
It had been a month but it felt like all of it happened a long time ago. For a week, all was well. They ran away and got married at a temple. As promised, he took her to his aunts village. While he was locked away in a room talking to his aunt, she went to explore the area. She found the school and inquired about admissions. When she came back to tell him, she found that he had given away all the cash.
'But it was for us! For us to become independent and study!' she recalled complaining.
'I know! But try and understand. My father had left a huge debt on us. That would have burdened our new life. You should be happy that your new family has no debt anymore.' With that he left.
He had been doing that a lot. Leaving her. He left her out of the discussion before giving away all the cash and then selling off an expensive piece of jewellery to get admission into school. He left her. He went to school alone. He shut down all her complaints and didn't care when she didn't that day out of anger. She reasoned maybe he didn't want her surrounded by so many men and so no other girl went to high school there. Maybe he was being possessive, she had smiled at that.
But he had already grown habitual of leaving her. He left her again. He left her out of the discussion and didn't even inform her when he gave away all of her jewellery to his sisters. He reasoned that now both his sisters were married to rich homes, thanks to the excellent dowry her jewels made, she should be happy to shape their future. 'But what about us!' she had thought. He had spent all she could get to safeguard them till they become independent within a month and she did not know what will happen next.
She had expected to give up all the riches that her father had given her and she thought she'll have to live a humble life for a while. What she did not expect was for him to force her to ask money from her father. She thought of her father every day. She felt guilty when she thought about the pain he must have felt when he found her missing and read the letters she left behind. It worried her to think about her mother, her family. She had taken more than what belonged to her and she simply could not ask for more. Every day he would force her but today was something else. He had hit her.
'But he loves me.' Mira told herself firmly as she applied dettol on the cut near her lip. 'he seemed drunk' she thought, ' it must have been an accident , he means me no harm'. She assured herself and smiled at her reflection.
She kept smiling even when it hurt her lips. Maybe if she smiled, she'll feel happy again. She was happy. If she actually happy or forcing herself to feel so, it is hard to predict, as hard as it was for her to know and accept that it was her fall and winter was coming to get her.
