2017.
It was quiet and solemn. The mourning room had been filled with more and more people, as the minutes went by.
On the altar was a photo of Jinyoung, with a bright smile in his youth. The photo was surrounded by several white flowers and bouquets of them, brought by the guests.
It had been altogether four days since the plane crash news. Jinyoung was not on the survival list but not among the deaths that had been identified, either.
The investigation team had reported that as an explosion had followed the crash, many dead bodies could not be identified and some were lost.
At the corner of the mourning room, Seonhwa and the other servants were sobbing in silence. In front of the altar were the guests, most of whom were the company employees, sitting quietly and paying respect to the deceased. Ms. Yoon was in tears, dabbing at them once in a while.
Watching this whole scene, more than broke Mark's heart. He remained at the back of the room, not able to bring himself to speak to the employees or comfort Seonhwa, who, occasionally, glanced at him helplessly.
Pressing his hand against his mouth, he tried to mute his sobs. Jinyoung was smiling in the photo; it was the only thing that had anything to do with Jinyoung, in this room.
Only this photo and nothing else. Not even his dead body. That day, watching Jinyoung leave the house, Mark had never thought, then, it was going to be the last time he would ever see Jinyoung.
"Mark hyung?"
Mark turned to the voice, which came from beside him, and stood up to his feet, as he saw Wonpil.
"I'm really sorry," Wonpil muttered.
Mark shook his head, "That's what I should say to you. You were closer to him than I am. I know how you might be feeling now."
Wonpil gazed downward and bit his lower lip, before wiping his tears and looking up at Mark again. "It was partly my fault. I shouldn't have suggested that he travelled there."
"What do you mean?"
Wonpil's eyes were clouded with guilt and apology. "I was the one that suggested him he should travel to Phuket. He seemed to have been going through something and I thought travelling somewhere would do him good," Wonpil said, shaking his head, "If I had known this, I would never have suggested him this. I can't forgive myself. My friend has died and I can't do anything now."
Mark reached for Wonpil's shoulder and squeezed it gently, "Don't blame yourself. Things were bound to happen this way. And it's none of your fault. At least, you were by his side the whole time. For me, we were never in good terms. And till the last time, before he left, we...we were arguing."
"I know he was never perfect," Wonpil said, musing, "But if you understand him very well, you'll know that he was never a bad person. He was spoiled and rebellious, true. But we all know how he had been raised. All of this actually shaped him. Deep inside, he was fragile, especially had been since the death of his parents. You might also know that his life barely had choices. His interest was architecture but he had to choose business, as the only heir to the company. Till his last day, I'm afraid he'd never found the real happiness."
Mark smiled weakly and patted Wonpil's back, "Now all we can do is pray that he's now somewhere he wants to be. As for me, he'll always be in my heart."
Wonpil stared at Mark with concern and nodded, before leaving Mark and walking to the altar. Mark watched him gazing at Jinyoung's photo for a long time and then going over to the maids and speaking to them.
Most of the guests had left; and Seonhwa and the maids were cleaning the dining hall and wrapping the things up.
There was no one inside the mourning room now, except Mark. The room was quite dark and worsened the grave atmosphere.
Mark's fingers ran over Jinyoung's photo gingerly and he returned Jinyoung's smile.
"Jinyoung ah, where are you now?" Mark asked quietly, "Are you here in this room? Are you listening to me? I have some words to say to you. I was never in the list of your favourite people. That whole time, we were like enemies to one another. I always thought it was because of your hateful character. I always blamed you for making me suffer. But...but I never thought of my own fault. I never tried to understand you. I built the walls of hatred around my heart. Jinyoung ah, only the moment those walls were weakened that I realised how much you've been in my heart already. You hated me and possibly still do. And you might hate me even more for these words. I love you. How or when, I don't know. The only thing I know is that I regret I could never say them to you. I wish I could've said them to you, even if you would've hated me for this. If you're listening to me now, I'm glad. Now rest well, Jinyoung ah."
Mark stepped back and knelt down in front of the altar. After wiping the tears away, he concentrated his mind on praying for Jinyoung.
The time went by and he came back to reality only when someone shook his shoulder gently.
He looked up and met the eyes of Seonhwa, who nodded at him understandingly.
"It's pretty late now, Mark. Time to leave. We'll be waiting for you outside."
"I'll follow you in a few minutes."
Seonhwa glanced at Jinyoung's photo one last time and left the room. Mark stood up as well and gazed at the photo.
"At least I wish we could bury your body. Then I'd know where to go when I miss you."
Mark said those last words and left the place, walking into the bustling streets of the city.
