Do you know that adrenaline rush, just as you are lying in bed slowly, calmly falling asleep. You are in the first stage of sleep. For me, that's my little bit of heaven. Then you meet hell, you jerk. You have the shit scared out of you and everything you have done in the last 24 hours flashes before your eyes so fast you don't realise what the hell just happened. Tonight was my heaven and AJ was my hell.
I know what you are thinking, 'AJ is your brother for Gods bloody sake!'. But AJ was not directly my hell. What happened was.
Well AJ wouldn't leave it. He wouldn't give in the freakin car. AJ was not standing directly infront of the car although just to the side. Where the front light is, on the car. Jake h-had the engine r-running and he started to pull away. I was in the back seat, the guys always kick me into the back. I don't care, but this time I was and wasn't thanking the Lord.
I was in da middle of the back seat. Jake told AJ to get in the car or he would go. And that's what he did. He went. I can still here the sound of Jake's foot driving the accelerator forward. The yell that came from AJ. And the moment when you feel like your in a movie and the 'bad part' has happened and all you can here in the faint sound of people screaming, yelling and the sound of your heart beat. That is what happened.
The feeling when you have just jumped out of the plane and you can here your boyfriend yelling to you. To relax because nothing bad is going to happen. This time i wasn't sky diving. This time he wasn't there. He had been long gone before tonight and I knew everything wasn't going to be ok.
Before it happened I knew that it would. I have a thing for knowing when something bad is going to happen. I couldn't see anything. The tears were running like a waterfall. I heard it. I knew what had happened. The screaming was louder than I had ever heard before. They were faint, that's how loud they were.
The first thing I did was held my breath. That is what I do when I'm upset. I cry and cry and hold my breath. I start to ask why I am crying. What is the point anymore. Why cry?
I stopped crying, got out of the car and ran. As fast as I could. Away, so no one could find me. That is where I am now. I don't know what to do.
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Haven't had a lot of time but here you go! xx
