It Must Be Your Faith

Ecclesiastes 1:18

For with much wisdom comes much sorrow;
the more knowledge, the more grief. - Ecclesiastes 1:18 

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Zach was the first thing Cammie saw when she opened her eyes. "Thank you for not giving up." Cammie smiled. "Thank you for having hope." Zach laughed, tears of relief rolled down his cheek. Cammie's hand came up to brush them away. Zach grabbed her hand and pressed a kissed to each of her fingertips. "Cammie. There's something I need you to know." Zach said to her. Cammie's look of confusion was replaced with a look of wonder. Tears streamed down her face as she listened to Zach tell his story. At the end, Cammie laughed, "I always knew in my heart God loved you. You just needed to hear it from him to believe it."

A week has now passed and it was time for Cammie to be released from the hospital. "Cammie, there's something I need to do before anything else happens. I need closure. I need answers that only my mother can give me." Zach told Cammie once she was settled in her room. His eyes wide and fearful. He didn't want to leave her, but Zach needed to do this and Cammie knew that. She smiled understandingly. "Go, I'll still be here when you get back." Zach kissed her on the forehead before heading on his way. He had a gut feelings things were about to turn ugly, but he squared his shoulders and lifted his head. For he knows with God at his side, all things are possible.

    "Mom?" Zach called out as he walked through the front door. Silence was the only thing heard throughout the house. Zach ran into each room calling out for his mom as he went. With his heart in his throat, he burst into her bedroom. The room looked completely spotless. As if no one has slept there in days. Zach's heart jumped to his throat and he ran to her closet. He flung the door opened. It was bare just like Zach suspected. Zach turned to walk out the door when he saw it. There on her bed was a perfectly folded piece of paper. Slowly Zach reached out and grabbed it. His name written on the front. Zach stared at the letter for a long time, too afraid to open it. Finally, he sunk down onto the mattress. He took a deep breath and opened it.

    Dear Zachary,

My precious boy, I know that I haven't been the best of mother's. I know that you believe I hate you, and I promise you that I don't. You may not believe me and that's okay. I have no right to ask for your forgiveness, but there is something that you must know. You at least deserve an explanation for all these years of hatred I have given you. Zachary, I was raped. It was the night of my fifteenth birthday. I had just gotten ready for bed when my father snuck into my room. He had been touching me inappropriately since I was just a little girl. By then I was already immune to it. You must be wondering why I didn't tell anyone, but honestly, I tried. The only problem was that nobody believed me. I told my brother, my friends, my mother, and even the police with no luck. I won't give you details of that night, but I will tell you that it was very brutal and my soul died that dreadful night. Up until that night, I was a virgin.

Six weeks later I found out I was pregnant. When my father found out he was livid. He tried to force me to have an abortion, but for the first time in my life I refused. I loved you since the moment I knew of you existence and I knew in my heart that you weren't to blame for what happened. You were an innocent who was thrust into this world in such a cruel and inhumane manner. Fearing for our lives, I fled. It was here, in this small town where I met Mia's  father. I never got to tell him the truth, but I fully believe that he somehow knew. Maybe because of my night terrors, or the way I flinched when you and Mia called him daddy. In my heart, I know he knew. My one regret concerning him was the fact I never got to tell him. The day he was murdered is the day he found out the terrible truth. Things were starting to look up, but then he found us. You were spending the night at a friend's house, and I was pregnant with Mia at the time. He tried to kill me when Luke got home. A fight insured and my father killed him. The neighbors heard my screams and called 911. I almost miscarried and was so terrified that he would come back that I decided to do everything I possibly could to keep him from you. So I became bitter, hoping that my father would realize that I hated you and that there was no fate worse than knowing that you were hated. Turns out my plan worked better than I thought it would. He would keep tabs on us by leaving me random threats in the form of letters, pictures he'd take of you as you walked to school, of me through the window, and you may not remember, but sometimes when we went out in public, we'd see him and he would wave at you. And you, not knowing who he was, would wave back with the biggest grin on your face. I was constantly on edge and I feared that he would never stop torturing me. He left you alone, and for that I will forever be thankful. Please forgive me Zachary. I loved you so much. I'm just sorry things ended this way. I hope you find your happiness. I'm so sorry I couldn't give you the life you deserved. May the truth set you free, and lift a weight off your shoulders. And the truth is, Zachary, you're not just my son, you're my brother.

    And that is my greatest secret. I hope that one day you will at least understand that everything I have ever done was to protect you from him. This may have not been the best way to do it, but it was my only chance, your only chance. If you ever build up the courage I never had the will to, all the evidence you'll ever need is in the closet. You know which box I'm talking about. You are my living, breathing legacy Zachary, the absolute best of me. Don't worry about me, all of my life, I've been afraid of the monster that comes from the dark . I long to feel the sun's warmth again. I love you Zachary, and I pray that one day you will find the courage in your heart to forgive me.

With a heavy heart,

Catherine

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Fun Fact: Catherine's letter to Zach was the very first thing I wrote for this story.

My 500 word essay had a small beginning paragraph and a small conclusion. I had to present it outloud and my classmates had tons of questions. Their curiosity spiked mine and left me feeling uneasy.  I graduated in 2017. Two years later and I'm happy enough with how the direction this story is going to post it. I don't expect it to get much attention, and that's okay!  Years from now, I just want to be able to look back at all the short stories I wrote without fear of losing them in some old email I might have forgotten the password too.

Happy Friday! (: