My Sleepy Boy

chapter 16

"Shut up Lee, you will wake them up!" why is my brother in my room?

"Cai....what are you doing?" I turn and see my brother sneaking inside the house...

Wait a second... are we on the living room? Oh, I fell asleep... the girls are here too... we were watching the movie... oh... my back... stupid couch...

"Sh...Eve it's late...Go back to sleep!" Lee tries to whisper...doesn't work that much...

"Fuck Lee... stop talking... you will wake my parents!" really Cai? You are not much better, you woke the girls up!

"What time is it?" Amy starts getting up...

"Oh my god, Cai is 5 a.m.! where have you been till now?" I stop them from getting upstairs...

"We went out with the boys from the team Av... can't we talk in the morning? I start practice again and I really need to sleep..." no... you want to sleep now... when you were partying your early practice wasn't a problem...

"Only boys?" Iris, don't be so obvious! How didn't I notice before?

"Yeah... can we go back to sleep now? All of us?" he turns to Iris looking sorry... while pushing Lee to move his body away from the kitchen door so as to go to his room...

"Goodnight..." Cai leads the way...

"Goodnight beautiful ladies...Wait Cai did we say goodbye before leaving the club?" Lee, you are so sleeping right now... Cai nods... "Good 'cause they seemed nice girls... especially the blond one WOW what was her name?" oh my sweet brother you were so close getting away... "Ha! I remember... Miranda! Did we?" ...now go explain cause my Iris won't let it pass...

"Shut up Lee..." he takes him fast to his room, but manages to steal a glimpse of a furious Iris... I hope it is nothing...

"That was nice..." Amy getting up...

"Where are you going now, it's 5 a.m.!" too early for anything...

"To a bed you won't follow?" well that's a nice idea...

We walk upstairs to my room and fall into bed... Iris uses an I-want-to-go-to-the-toilet excuse... apparently my brother won't get any sleep...

"Amy, are you sleeping...Already?" no... don't leave me alone...wake up woman... well you are heartless...

So much silence...

I used to like silence...I thought it meant that there was no storm... that it meant you could day dream... relax... but now silence means thinking and since last week thinking means tormenting...

I am a person who tends to over-think... I always knew that... but why does it bother me now so much? Maybe because I can't understand myself anymore... It's not like I am me... after today I may not know who I am anymore... what I will do from now on...but one thing is for sure...

I like Ron Dorse... I fell in love with that sleepy boy and it hurts...

It hurts that I can't tell my girls because apparently I am a bitch... It hurts I can't show it to him because apparently he doesn't feel the same... it hurts that it felt so good for so little... it definitely hurts that it is only in my head... that I fell so hard, so fast, without any caution.... How could I do so wrong?

That's why I never let myself free.. I need my time to be me in front of people, I need my safety net to be able to don't get in trouble but apparently with him I forgot... now what? Go on like nothing happened? But something happened... At least if he had let me leave that beach... it would be better now... but he had to kiss me... he had to make a fool out of me... and now whatever I tell myself, I go back to that kiss and it hurts...

The worst part is that I would do it over again... that's not me... that could never be right... start something the wrong way means to much trouble... too much things to handle... too much judgment...and I don't like to be jugged... So maybe it's for the better... because even if it was true the time wasn't right... maybe in the future...

"Sweetie, are you ok? You seem off..." When did Iris come back...?

"No..." I need to stop being so weak...

"Come here let's sleep..." she gives me a hug and rests to bed next to me...

She seems happy... someone got out of trouble fast... good for them... at least they are happy... but why am I the only one that they can't share their happiness with? Am I not that trustworthy? Am I that bad of a person that I wouldn't be happy for them if they told me...? What do they think that I would do if I knew...? It might be weird at first but I know it less than a day and I am already getting used to it... and...

It hurts that they didn't include me in their happiness...

***

I look down my phone a new message... I haven't texted him all day and it's getting on his nerves... apparently... he was used to our constant talking... but I had to drop the whole thing as fast as possible... I was already attached to him... If I gave him the cold shoulder he would get out of it quicker... It shouldn't be hard for him... he has Peige...

He has Peige... that's my problem right here

HE HAS PEIGE...

When did I start thinking so much...? I need to forget...

Let's go watch Friends...Yeah Chandler time... I turn on the TV but no my mind has other plans... Should I text him back... What's the use? No use... He will get over it he is a big boy... Me?

"Av, are you ok?" Cai jumps next to me...

"Did you come back now?" The memories of him shrugging his feet to his car with his big green eyes sleepy as hell trying to wake up from his 3 hours of sleep start entertaining me again...that's what you get though brother... I can see the practice was enjoyable...

"Yeah...So you good?" no... I am not good...

"Why wouldn't I?" nice question there girl...

"Cause you watch Friends...You never watch this thing unless you need to relax..." Am I that predictable?

"FRIENDS IS NOT THIS THING..." how dare he... "...and I am fine why would you ask me that...How wouldn't I be...? You see... when you are not good enough to be trusted with the happiness of the people you love the most, when you are not good enough to be in a relationship with someone you want... when you are not good enough to be loved back by that person you usually get depressed but I am not like that so yes I am fine..." what was that? Too much drama in my life lately I need to step out of it!

"ok..." he seems confused.. It's ok big boy... at least you are beautiful... "I will go upstairs get some sleep... if you need anything just scream!" he leaves the room almost flying; with the thought of sleep in his mind, who would blame him... scream hah? I'll keep that in mind!

And there is that beeping sound again...Will you please stop texting Mr. Dorse its hard... I turn off my phone and go back to my episode...It's the one with the jellyfish... 'Damn all you jellyfish'...