Oh, how much I wish what was currently happening was all a bad dream caused by a landslide of my self doubt finally breaking me. But unfortunately for me, it wasn't.
They say heartbreak only makes you stronger, but Jonah and I had only been together for one month. If one month alone was enough for someone to realize I wasn't good enough for them, then how can I possibly ever learn to be comfortable in a relationship without the constant fear I'm trying to hard or that they're going to do exactly what Jonah had done.
The one question I had was why. Why wasn't I good enough for him? Why wasn't I enough? Why couldn't he talk to me instead of going behind my back and doing something that is going to tear me apart for longer than it should?
I'm not usually the sensitive type. I don't like laying my emotions or feelings out for everyone to see or hear, but how could you not when the person who is supposed to love you or care for you unconditionally decides to shatter your heart by a simple act they thought they could keep from you?
The worst part of my current situation would be the fact that the boys obviously knew, but didn't think I deserved to know. Sure, Jonah probably told them to keep quiet and not say anything to me, but how could you keep something that big from someone you call a friend?
Jonah was currently staring at me, his face full of apology but no words seemed to escape. I could only imagine what I looked like. My eyes were probably red and tear stained, as my tears seem overwhelming and unable to stop.
"Why?" I managed to croak out, "I thought you cared about me..."
Jonah attempted to grab my hand, only for me to pull away resulting in him sitting on the chair he was previously located at and rubbing his hands over his face. "I don't know, Brinley. I really don't. I love you, more than anything. She was just some fan I met after a show and gave me her number. It went to far and I know that. I promise it won't happen again."
"A promise is only a thing." I took his hoodie that I was wearing and say it on his lap, "I'll book a plane ticket and leave first thing in the morning, then you can have Kyndall and be happy with her since that's obviously what you want."
He abruptly stood up and shook his head. "No! I don't want Kyndall and I don't want you to leave. You can't, we can fix this. I'm stupid and made a dumb mistake and I know that."
I threw my hands up in an obvious show of my anger, "You made a a dumb mistake?! How is telling a girl she is beautiful, and that you'd do anything for her, or that she means the most to you or is the light of your life a dumb mistake? You led a fan on, that's what is the most hard thing to wrap my head around here. How could you do that to someone who supported you and looked up to you? I don't even care that you cheated at this point, but to find out she was a fan who basically made you is the worse part of this all. Is that where you've been going when you leave me randomly? To go and see this girl and make her think she has a chance?"
He once again stood there, not knowing what to say or two scared to say anything at my sudden outburst. I'm not usually an angry person, but situations like these are what bring out the bad side of me.
"Don't talk to me for the rest of the day. I'm leaving tonight and you can't say anything to stop me."
And with that, I turned around and walked away from the so called love of my life, not caring that tears were streaming down his or my face. Not caring that the look of heartbreak was written all over his face.
All I cared about was that I finally saw what kind of person Jonah was, and that it was revealed before I got to attached to this relationship.
A relationship that is now over. Permanent.
☾❦☽
brinfirley
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♥️102k | 💬none | 👥none brinfirley; heading home:)
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(a/n) word count; 749 double post;) there's gonna be four more chapters!:)
