is that cool with you? - zuckles x reader

chapter nine - i smile (because i want to)

.. 2 days before christmas ..

Curling up closer to the warm mass in the blankets next to her, Y/N's eyes refuse to open - as if these tender waking moments are hiding her from what few lingering silences remain - but she forces them open nevertheless, an alarm clock over Mason's shoulder flashing a steady 10:50 to remind her that, yes, the real world still exists. Shimmying out of the cocoon of both sheets and limbs, she redresses and leaves the room - only after leaving a soft kiss on Mason's cheek.

"Good morning sleeping beauty!"

"Shut fuck the up - sorry, let me try that again - shut the fuck up." Y/N stutters, shambling into the kitchen. Swagger laughs, pouring her a cup of tea.

"Since when do you drink tea?"

"Since I decided to be nice and make it for you. Were you alright last night? I was half asleep at my desk and I thought I heard you crying."

Y/N freezes. "Uh, yeah, everything was fine. Just, uh, started thinking about home."

"Y/N," Swagger murmurs. "You can tell me the truth. No one else is here except for you, me, and Mason. It's okay."

She takes a deep breath. "I finished all the work you gave me yesterday, and Mason brought me dinner. We ate, talked, he asked if I was doing alright, and I may have not told him the truth..."

"Was the workload too much yesterday? God, I'm sorry. I should've checked with you first."

"A little bit, yeah, but there's more to it. When I still lived in the States, I had ... I had a boyfriend. His name was Zack. He and I were the it couple in our high school. Well, we were, until he..."

"Y/N? What the hell did he do to you?"

"He... he beat the shit out of me after I got out of one of our calls. Said I was cheating on him, lying to him, whatever the fuck else," Y/N takes a deep, cooling breath. "I dropped him like a rock, finished all my classes, and got the fuck out of there. I wasn't about to let that happen to me again."

"So why were you up last night?"

"I had a really bad nightmare - worse than any I've had in a long time. I thought... I thought Zack had come back for me. And he," Y/N pauses, choking on the memory. "He hurt Mason. God, he fucking brutalized him. And all I could do was watch Mason die in my arms until I woke up."

"Christ, Y/N," Swagger whispers, his heart dropping through the floor. "Why didn't you ever say anything?"

"I've been having such a great time living here with you guys - I'm living my goddamn high school self's dream - I didn't want to ruin that with my past."

"Y/N," Swagger starts, a foreign tone in his voice. "There is no way in hell that you could 'ruin' anything. We're all fucked up. We all have shit pasts. We're called the Misfits for a reason - yeah, our names make up Misfits, but it's also because we're Misfits. You belong here - and it's okay to be fucked up."

Y/N wipes the tears out of her eyes and tackles Swagger in a hug. He pats her back, a gentle sibling-like bond that few could recreate forming in the quiet kitchen.

"So... what should I do about Mason?"

Swagger laughs. "I've got a few things in the works. Just keep being you, and I'll line things up. Hey, speaking of which, I cleared both of your schedules until after New Years, so you can have time to actually spend with each other instead of you just falling asleep in his bed."

"Thank God," She groans. "Listen, I love that boy, but I need more one on one time than just having panic attacks in his room at 3 in the morning. So... thank you, Swagger."