Hanahaki

s i x

"So," Dennis begins as Tobi lays herself in the grass under the tree in the schoolyard. "how have you been, Stronghold?" 

She gives a shrug and responds, "Pretty good, I guess. I started hanging out with someone new recently, so that's pretty fun." 

"Oh yeah? Neat." Dennis says, a slight edge to his voice undetectable to Tobi. "Whaddya guys do together?" 

Tobi's mind flashes to last Friday night where they spent their time. As it plays through her mind, she remembers herself crying, Ashton's hand on her's, and the intimate conversations taking place various times throughout the night. With her face now flushed slightly, she remembers, too, her naked self prancing and flaunting up on the dock, embarrassed by her brazenness that night. "Oh, nothing really." Responds Tobi, attempting to remain nonchalant as she continues to remember her time with him. "We pretty much just talk about stuff. That's about it." It wasn't a lie, this is what they usually do, but it still felt as if she was doing something wrong by not telling Dennis the entire truth. 

She felt wrong for not telling him, in depth, about a lot of things recently: her coughing, the reason behind it, Ashton, what she spent her time doing, all of it and more. 

"Really? Sounds nice. You guys should let me hang out with you sometime." Dennis says, a smile donning his face. 

Tobi forces a natural-looking smile onto her lips and responds, "Yeah, maybe."

The conversation totally dies out and they're left with an awkward silence that didn't use to exist before. Tobi feels an enormous wave of guilt consume her because she knows that she's the reason for it. Ever since she'd discovered the reason behind her Hanahaki disease, she'd tried distancing herself little by little from Dennis -- she'd stopped going over to his house and having late night conversations with him, all in an effort to stop the feelings that now ate away at her life. 

Suddenly, Dennis mumbles meekly, "Hey, Tobi," He only called her by her first name when he was really serious. Taking a deep breath, he continues, "Are we good? Things just feel kinda off lately. Did -- did I do something? If I did, I want you to tell me, because--"

Feeling guilty and cornered, she blurts, "No, you didn't. I'm the problem, Dennis." 

He gives her a confused look and she bites her lip and turns away from him, guilt taking over her features. After a silence that seemed too long to both of them, he asks, "What do you mean? I -- I don't get it."

Running a hand over her face, Tobi groans and mumbles, "I don't know, Dennis."

Now even more confused and suddenly hurt, Dennis persists in a louder tone, "What do you mean? You're the problem, but you don't know how you're the problem? Tobi, that doesn't make any sense." 

While he stares at her, determined to get answers, her guilt only becomes worse. "N-no, I know how, it's just--" 

"Just what, Tobi? Tell me, how exactly are you the problem?" He pushes harder, now leaning in her face. Usually, he was incredibly laid back, which only went to show her more how their increasing distance was affecting him. 

She tries again, stammering, "I-I just-- It's because that--"

"What, Tobi? What!" He shouts, this being his first time ever yelling directly at her. 

"It's because of the Hanahaki, Dennis!" Tobi blurts, cringing immediately after the words leave her mouth. Pulling her knees to her chest as she wants to disappear while Dennis continues to stare, confusion written on his features, she reiterates, "I have the Hanahaki disease, Dennis..." 

After a short moment of silence that seemed to stretch on forever, Dennis finally inquires quietly, "What, um," He swallows hard, staring intently at her as she turns her face away from him. "Tobi, what's the Hanahaki disease?" When she doesn't respond, he repeats in a firmer tone, "Tobi, what is the Hanahaki disease?" Still, she's silent. Quickly growing frustrated, he reaches forward and grabs her by the shoulder, "Tobi, what--" 

He stops short when he sees her eyes closed tightly as she bites her lip hard, nostrils flaring from the effort of forcing her tears back. "It's..." She swallows past the lump in her throat and turns away from him again. "It's a disease caused by unrequited love, Dennis. There isn't a cure. You either have the person love you back or get it surgically removed, but..." She sighs frustratedly and proceeds, "But I know that you don't feel that way about me and I can't go through with a surgery that's gonna result in me losing the ability to love and I just--" Cutting herself off, a single tear slides down her cheek and she hastily wipes it away. 

A heavy silence consumes them. Finally, Dennis whispers hoarsely, "You're sure it's me that's causing this?" 

No 'I love you' or 'I love you as a friend' or 'You're like a sister to me'. Tobi nods her head and Dennis falls back against the bark of the tree. After another long silence, Tobi mumbles to him, "I'm sorry." 

The second she says this, Dennis fires back, "Why are you apologizing?" It reminds her of Friday night at the pond with Ashton as he says this and her eyes widen a bit. She turns to look at him as he continues with a sigh, "There's nothing to be sorry about, Tobi. In fact, I should be the one apologizing..." He sighs again and scrubs his face with his palms.

In an attempt to lighten the somber atmosphere they'd produced, Tobi chuckles with a shrug and says teasingly, "If you weren't so charming, maybe I wouldn't be in such a mess."

Dennis inhales sharply and she immediately knows she's said the entirely wrong thing for the situation. In a somber whisper, he replies, "Yeah, maybe..." 

As he stands to leave, Tobi rushes to apologize, saying, "Dennis, wait, I'm sorry! I was just trying to lighten the mood, I didn't mean it! Please, you--" 

"But it's kinda true, right? I mean, if I wasn't the way I was..." He trails off and continues in a bitter tone, "If I wasn't like this, I wouldn't be losing my best friend to some stupid flower disease." 

"Dennis--" 

"Maybe we..." Dennis cuts her off, his eyes displaying an array of emotions from anger to sadness. "We shouldn't hang out so much, Stronghold." He turns away from her and begins walking back towards the school building, his posture dejected and depressed. "I don't wanna make things even worse than they already are." 

Without thinking, Tobi stands and runs over to him, stumbling over her own feet as she does. Grabbing him by the shoulder, she turns him around harshly and growls, "Worse? You don't wanna make my situation worse?" She scoffs and continues, "This? Right now? This is probably the worst, okay? You leaving me like I'm practically nothing? That's what's gonna make things worse, Dennis."

"Tobi, I'm trying to help you! Let me go, if I stay around you, then it--" 

"Dennis!" She pleads, shaking his arm forcefully. "I don't need you to help me, okay?" With her voice growing quieter by the second, she mumbles, "I just need you to be there for me. If it gets worse, that's my problem. I want to keep being friends with you." Turning her pleading eyes to his, she asks, "Can't you at least honor a dying girl's wish?"

Dennis stares down at her, a battle of morals and conscious waging behind his eyes as he does. Finally, taking a deep breath, he responds in a voice barely above a whisper, "No, I can't. I'm... I'm sorry, Tobi." 

Her hands drop limply to her sides as tears begin spilling from her eyes, shocked. Without bothering to hide her tears or even wipe them away, she responds quietly, "Okay." Dennis stands there and stares at her for a solid minute, unable to fully comprehend the situation. As he stares, Tobi begins coughing, a cloud of petals bursting from her mouth. 

Using both her hands, she covers her mouth, her eyes shut tight as she bends forward. Dennis backs away, terrified at the sight of his best friend dying, wilting, right in front of him. "Tobi..." Without another word, he takes off into the shelter of the school, leaving her to herself as she falls to her knees. 

Finally, when the coughing stops, she pulls her hand away. Her entire body quakes in fear as she stares at her palm, her skin not even visible through the layer of petals covering it. One petal, in particular, makes her especially terrified. Right in her hand sits a petal a different shade from all the rest of the bright pink one. It's dark red. 

She knows what it is. And she knows that time is running out at a much faster rate than she had initially anticipated.