My Thoughts On Life And Its Parts

Love

At the moment I'm listening to my favorites list on Spotify while riding back to my house from bowling. While bowling, I got philosophical. About love. I have dated 1 girl and have only loved 1, and it's not the girl I dated. Well call the girl I dated girl A and the girl I love girl B.

I've know girl A since 3rd grade. She lives right across from me and we've had a couple classes together. We were the best of friends all the way up to 7th grade. We would play together, hang out, go to church together. Everything. But in 7th grade, I believed I had more feelings than friend ship. And I believed she felt the same. My thoughts were confirmed on Valentines day. I got a note in my locker from her with a drawing and a cheesy love letter, marked anonymous. But I could tell who it was. The handwriting and art work has unmistakable. About a week later, I had gathered up enough courage and asked her out. She said yes. This was the beginning of a 1 1/2 year relationship.

We were dating for about 1 1/2 years, and the entire time it felt wierd. She didnt really show any emotion. She wouldn't hug me. Wouldn't show any affection. Nothing. And she was known for these things, even outside of relationships. At the beginning I thought it was normal, just something new relationships go through. But after 8 months I became what I like to call and "emotional sponge." If there was an issue, it was me. I was the one to listen. But the other way around didnt work. I couldn't and wouldn't do it. It felt wierd. Like I couldn't say anything. It felt wierd, wrong. Trusting the person I'm dating with my feelings? It felt off. So that made me less affectionate. I didnt really like hanging out with her. It was stressful. I couldn't do it. It was always crying. Complaining. Bad aura, I guess. It just didnt feel right. After 15 months, she came to me and broke up with me. I dont remember the reason, I just remember thinking it was stupid. I knew it was gonna happen to. She was acting wierd. Wouldn't really talk to me. Not even a week after she broke up with me, she got together with a guy on this app. It didn't last a month. He was using her as a joke. She came back to me. And I accepted her back, thinking it would be different. It didnt last but 3 months before she left and went back to the other guy. This caused me to have a resentment towards relationships.

Girl B showed up about half way through my relationship with girl A. It was 8th grade. She had moved halfway across the state and was in out grade. She was shy, cute, fiesty. She always spoke her mind and loved games. She was great. I didnt start feeling for her until highschool. We were such good friends that everyone was asking if we were dating, and of course we weren't, so we always said no. After the 4th or 5th time of this, I started to think about how I feel about her. I started wanting to say yes. I wanted more. Yet she obviously didnt feel the same. So I just let those feeling rest. Didnt mess with them. Thought they would leave. They didnt, and never have.

Still, my feelings aren't set in stone. I believe I love her yes, but that doesnt mean my thoughts wont change if we were to date. Love is probably one of the best feelings and the worst because of this. You learn about how you feel when you date, but it can destroy relationships and your thoughts on others. It's a rose. Its beautiful, wonderful, amazing. But it can hurt you. Make you bleed. Cut you to ribbons. Yet we still go back to it. Why? Because when we get past the thorns and get to the flower, it amazing. We have the feeling of responsibility. We have someone to care for. Someone to be there for. In the words of my favorite rapper NF, "I'd rather spend a minute with love in my life than go 1 million years without knowing what like."