Once Upon a Masquerade

Chapter 15

Sitting on my couch in a very intense daze, I don't know what to do with myself. I haven't seen Alexander since a few days ago when we were at his parents. To be honest, I haven't even spoken to my mom. Nor have I gone to school or work. I was hurt. More than I've ever let myself be.
My phone exploded with text from my mother and father along with my boss. The only person who hasn't texted me is Alexander, the only person I actually wanted to see pop up on my phone.

Knock, knock.

Getting up I go to the door. Opening it, i immediately want to close it back. He's here with a woman at my door. "Guinevere I need my shit from your room." Oh. Stepping back i let him in without saying another word. What happened to he was going to make this up to me? I guess he got tired of waiting for me to say something to him first. He walks to my room while this...piece of trash stands at my door. "Guinevere come here!" He yells from my room.
Walking back there i look at him. Still so very handsome. But he looks...happy...without me. "Yes?" I whisper.
"Wheres my shirt?" Oh shit. The one i tucked underneath my pillow because i missed him so much. Sleeping has been so hard without him that i figured his shirt would help me. Now i have to give it up.
"Um i was using it. Ill return it later when i wash it." Yeah when i wash all my tears out of it. "No i need it now. Just give it to me so i don't have to see your face again." Ouch. Okay i guess everything was a lie...again. Holding back my tears i get on my bed and grab it from underneath my pillow. Holding out the shirt to him i see the look on his beautiful face. Hurt. Why is he hurt? He doesn't love me. "Why did you have this under your pillow?" Not that damn question.
"I couldn't sleep, because I've been so used to sleeping with you. So i figured your shirt would help and it has. Here you go." Continuing to hold it out for him. Yeah my tears were right on the edge about to slip. Guinevere he fingered another woman in front of you. He left you alone. I have to remember that but it was so hard.
Grabbing the shirt from me, he places it back under my pillow. "You need it more than i do." He says.
He is about to walk out of my room when the words i couldn't hold back anymore spill out of my mouth. "Stay." Alexander stops in the doorway of the bedroom. "Please." My voice cracks but i want him, i need him. These nights without him have been so horrible. The thought of doing this again another night would kill me. "Guinevere...i have to go. She's waiting for me." He walks away from me.
Finally letting it all out when he shuts my front door, i burry my head in my pillow crying for the heartbroken girl laying here. Grabbing his shirt i hold onto it for dear life. I love him more than anything. We can get through this if we could talk. Crying myself to sleep, it was the best sleep I've had in a while.

Waking up in pitch black, i sit up. There's a TV on in my living room that i didn't have on before. Someone is in my house. Holding on tight to Alexander's shirt i get out of bed to go see who's in my apartment. Slowly walking i finally reach the living room. Alexander. Walking around the sofa to where he was so he could see i was awake. "Hey." He says shortly.
"What are you doing here?" I say.
"You didn't lock your door back. So i sent that girl home and came in while you were asleep."
Of course he did. What else would Alexander do?
"Oh okay." I sit on the floor next to the couch. This felt so familiar but with this heavy atmosphere it still felt different. "Why did you tell me to stay? You don't want me Guinevere. You said so yourself." Looking at me i see so much anger in his eyes.
"Don't put words in my mouth please. I was heartbroken. You just cheated on me in front of my face. What else was i suppose to do or say?" Looking at him i feel the love i have for this fucked up man. Im willing to forgive him for this so we could be together again.
"Guinevere...i just don't know what to say to you."
"Than say you'll stay and we can work this out. We could be together. I forgive you. I just miss you so much Alexander. I love you..." I plead. With him, with myself. If he said yes i know i could fix this between us.
"Guinevere i love you too...ju-" i quickly interrupt him. "Great see we can work this out. You love me and i love you. We can definitely move past this." I smiled at him. "You didn't even let me finish. Guinevere i love you but i don't want this anymore. I hurt you. And i dont want to again." Im frozen. What? He doesn't want me anymore? I don't understand.
"Alexander i...i...you don't want this anymore. You dont want me." It was more of a statement then a question. "No Guinevere i don't. Im too toxic for you. I need to leave." He gets up off the couch. And i sit there dazed. "Move on Guinevere. You're better off." Alexander leans down and kisses my forehead. Straightening back up he walks to the door. He doesn't turn around nor does he pause. Just opens the door and leaves. Out of my life. My heart shatters, but i don't cry. It takes a second for me to realize but he's right. Im better off. And the fact is that i did deserve better. For me to put my heart on the line again. Im never doing that. He will never have me ever again. Physically or emotionally. From this day forward i cut off all feelings for him. And i need to focus on myself. Letting me go opened my eyes. Now i can keep moving forward without him.