To Coach

Misses M

My real home is 17 blocks away. Usually I call someone to pick me up. Usually Jamie or Jarred. Gunna doesn't have a truck and Fish is too young to drive. I don't call for a ride today though, I need some time to myself so I ride my bike.

Gunna's family deals. Not Mary Jane. They deal drugs. I'm talking heroin, meth, cocaine. You name it, they got it. Jarred's family grows all the sweetest Mary Jane in the world. Jamie doesn't have a family. He's 19 and he watches over all of us like a big brother. He's our hero. He has his own place, truck, and job. He has it all together and knows all the answers. Jamie watches over all of us, and we all watch over Fish.

Fish is the baby, he's the youngest. When we were younger, fish had a perfect life.

His mom was the sweetest lady you'd ever meet. She used to let me hide from R. S. in her house. She'd feed all of us when we got home from school. The whole gang. Her name was Mable, but we all called her Misses M. I can't remember who gave her the nick name first, but that's just who she was. Misses M was a good woman. She loved all of us. She had eyes and ears all over, she knew what I was gonna do before I even thought about it. She was that way with all of us. Misses M had five kids. All boys. And she sure did love her boys. Misses M wanted a girl, but they never got one. So when Fish started bringing me around, Misses M treated me like I was hers. Well, she treated all of us like we were hers. But I was her favorite. Misses M lived in a red, beautiful house. Her house was so vibrant and lively. It had a deck out front covered in different plants and an abundance of flowers. Misses M didn't have a green thumb, she had green hands. She made all of us thrive the same way she did her plants and flowers. Misses M was the glue that held us all together. She could see through the fake smiles and she could get a mute to talk. Misses M had a heart of gold.

Leukemia withered Misses M away three summers ago, but her heart of gold never died. Her vibrant house grew dull. Despite our efforts, her plants and flowers withered away after her passing. All four of Fish's brothers found themselves in jail. Now it's just fish, his grandma, and his dad. His dad works so much he's rarely around now. But His grandma stays on him, like white on rice. His grandma likes me, I don't know why, she trusts me. She doesn't trust the rest of us. Maybe it's because I'm the only girl. Or maybe it's because Misses M thought so highly of me. She always told me how much I was worth and that I was beautiful and one day I was going to be somebody. Or maybe she trusts me because I used to come and play video games with Fish when his momma died. I kept him distracted. I kept him alive. We all kept each other alive. We all keep each other alive.

A truck rumbles and groans behind me. Breaks squeal and the engine roars and breaks my thoughts. "Hey Hooker, where's my money at this week? " It's Jamie. His head is hanging out the window of his raggedy pick up. A joint is hanging out of his mouth and he smiles half way. His rusty orange truck rumbles over us. I'm glad to see him, I can't think about Misses M anymore.

" I gave it to Gunna! I can't seem to lay offa the needle these days!" I laugh.

"Ima beat you silly, hoe!" he smiles.

"You wouldn't be my pimp even if I wanted you to be!" I mock him.

He jumps out of his truck and strides over to me.

"Where ya headed to?" he asks redundantly. He knows where I'm going.

"Nashville. Ima be a singer. I'm the next Dolly Parton, don't ya know? " I answer him sarcastically and jump off my bike. I lean it against the curb. I cross my arms and smile.

"Let me hear you sing, Misses Dolly Parton." He smiles and his blue eyes shine.

I clear my throat and raise my head held high as if I were going to sing. I take one final breath before the space between his lips and mine are closed. He wraps one arm around my hips and pulls me up into his arm in one smooth motion. As if he were born to hold me like that. He's knowingly careful of my arm and so gently he pushes back my bangs from my face. He pulls back from my lips and smiles. His blue eyes sparkle in the sun.

He places me back to my feet, and pulls me close to him by my hips. I stand on my tip toes to rest my head in the crook of his neck. He pushes my hair back and kisses my lips again ever so gently. As if he kissed me to hard I would break. And maybe I would, but that doesn't stop me from wanting it. He kisses my forehead and spins me around.

"We gotta go pick up Fish, then heading to Mikey's, okay? " he says as if I care where were going. I don't care where we are if I'm with him.

"You already know how I feel, " I pause and step towards my bike. "I don't care where we are, as long as I'm with you." My bike just inches from my fingertips, Jamie cuts in front of me and grabs my bike.

"And I don't care how fine you say you are, you're not lifting this bike. Not until the doc clears you. " he pauses and strides toward the back of the truck, pushing the bike on one side of his body. "You know you're not supposed to lift anything above ten pounds. Which in my book, means you're not gonna lift a feather until I'm sure you're okay. "

"I'm fine!" I whine. He laughs. "I'm serious!" I try to reassure him. He's too overprotective.

"Quit your whining, and take a hit of this." He passes me the joint that was hanging outta his mouth. I take one long hit then try to make a dash for the drivers seat. He lifts the bike into the truck and spins around just in time to stop me. "Nope. No driving with the meds. You heard what the doctor said."

"It's not my fault that ass-wipe beat my head in the curb." I say with a heavy heart. I got a pretty bad concussion, my thanks to R. S. We both know not to speak his name, it's unspoken, but it's known. It hurts me too much. It hurts us both too much.

"But it is my fault, if you pass out at the wheel. " he argues. I hate it when he's right. I don't argue with him anymore I just walk to the passenger side and he follows me. He takes my book bag offa me. "This bag can't be any good for your shoulder, either JoJo. " he places it in the back of the truck.

"I know," I agree. Normally I would argue, but I love the way he calls me JoJo. Like I'm his, and he knows it makes me melt. He shuts the door behind me then dashes to the drivers side.

"Good shit, huh?" he nods toward the joint in my head. I nod and take another hit. I place it in his hand and smile. I look out the window as we speed down the road.

We pull up to Fish's house and he's sitting on the front steps of the deck. His arms are holding up his head as we pull into the driveway. "What took you so long, man?" He walks over to the truck and climbs in the back. There's not a back seat in Jamie's truck.

"I saw a hooker walking down the road. I hadda stop and see how much she cost." he laughs.

"Oh save it, man!" Fish exclaims. I can't help but giggle. I know Jamie respects me, he's just joking. The funny part is watching Fish squirm. "Put this ol' bitch in drive." Fish laughs and Jamie pulls off.

Jamie takes one last hit of the joint and looks at me. "We got more at Mikey's, don't worry," he reassures me.

"I know babe, You always got me. " he grabs my hand and his fingers intertwine with mine.

His straight face turns into a full on, ear to ear grin. "Damn, Straight."

I turn the music on in his truck, and with his hand still holding mine, I gaze out of the window. I drift.

Note To Coach: You might be wondering by now, what Jamie had to do with any of this. Or why my home life, influences how I act in class. Could I have easily asked Jamie to buy that precious binder of yours or those precious dividers? Yes, I could have. But we would have walked out of the store with a lot more than dividers or a binder. And we wouldn't have paid for any of it. I know we would have. Because we will, but not quite yet Coach. A lot more happens before then. And if you ever want to understand me Coach, then keep reading. Keep going. Because you will never know who I am unless you know the whole story. You will never fully know how wrongly you did me, until you know the full story. Keep Reading if you want to know the truth. But please be forewarned. I'm not going to filter anything. At all. Ever. This is the truth, Coach. And to anyone else reading, you might not be able to handle the story I'm laying out for you. And you probably don't understand the importance of any of this yet, but you'll learn soon enough. And if at any point you think I'm being too brutal, just remember, it's the truth. Can you handle the truth? What about you, Coach, Can you handle the truth?

Signed,

Miss Invisible