Red Moon, White Moon

Chapter 6: Over the Edge

With the sun peaking over the horizon, I realized it was time to head back to reality, head back to face my enemies, head back—knowing I may never see another sunrise. Those thoughts overtook any worries I had about last night as I rolled out of bed and made my way towards the bathroom. I already knew what the guys were doing back at the shop: cleaning their weapons and getting ready to battle for their lives one more time. I didn't know how they did it month after month; perhaps they got numb to the idea that they were walking into death's door for a fight. Maybe the holes torn into their hearts from losing loved ones to those creatures removed their ability to think straight. I'd lost Kevin, and I'd come to accept that. But the fear was too new, the foe too massive to imagine getting to that point. Maybe Andie Rae was right—there was no time to care. It would only cloud your mind to the most important thing: self-survival. With these thoughts racing through my head, I felt sick to my stomach and was forced into submission to the porcelain bowl.

After washing up from my unpleasant episode, I took a quick shower, brushed my teeth, and got dressed. I grabbed my bag and headed to the main room to see if Andie Rae was ready to go. I saw her bag by the front door, so I dropped mine beside it and continued to the kitchen. She was sitting on a stool by the counter eating what appeared to be biscuits and gravy.

I plopped down next to her, grabbed a glass, and filled it with some orange juice. "Hey, good morning."

"Good morning. I made you some breakfast."

"No thanks, I'm not hungry," I said rudely.

She dropped her fork on her plate and swung around towards me. "Okay, I knew this was a bad idea. Connell, I thought we had an understanding—"

"This is not about you," I snapped back, cutting her off.

"Okay, big boy, what is it about then?"

I rubbed my face with my hands and let out the most sarcastic laugh I would muster. "Are you that unemotional? Do you not realize what we'll be doing in another eight hours or so? Your life, your sister's life, my life, all on the line. Is this just another day to you now?"

She got up and took her plate to the sink and began washing it. The silence puzzled me. After finishing the dishes, she shut off the water and dried her hands with a towel. Turning towards me, she ran her left hand through her blonde hair and she gave me the answer I expected.

"I guess the answer would be yes. It's what we do, it's who we are, and it's what you're becoming."

I slammed my glass on the counter and stormed out of the kitchen. "Great, I can't wait. I'll meet you in the car."

As I grabbed my duffle bag, I felt the hate for my birthmark boil within me. I never asked for this destiny, and I wasn't ready to lose my life over it. When I got to the car, I dropped my bag on the ground. The pent-up anger began to seep out of me and I lost control. I kicked my bag across the driveway and punched the car over and over. I turned and saw Andie Rae come out of the house and sprint towards me. My knuckles were bruised and bleeding from pounding the hard metal. Tears were streaming down my face and I yelled as loud as I could. She flung her arms around me and held me tight. I brought my bloody hands to my face and sobbed uncontrollably. She never said a word and neither did I. It seemed like I'd finally achieved what Hayden sent me up here to do: I dealt with my emotions and put them in check. I had no doubt in my mind—I just took another step closer to sealing my fate as one of them. When I calmed down, she let me go. I went over to my bag and retrieved a shirt out of it. I used it to wipe my face and hands. I picked my bag up, threw it in the back of the car and collapsed into the passenger seat. After a few minutes, Andie Rae tossed her bag into the back seat and got into the car. We didn't talk or even look at each other during the drive home. I shut my eyes and hoped, when I opened them again, I would wake up and return to my simple life of eating brown sack lunches under the Chief's Head.