Hardly Living

Ignored feelings

Clint POV

I kissed him.
My chest hurts...
I don't know if I should throw up or just keep crying.

He kissed back..

He likes me but I can't fall in love.

I'm to weak. I wouldn't be able to protect him.

I wasn't able to protect them...so how could I evens thing about protecting him..

He's stubborn.

Why won't he just give up on me... why did I open up to him.. why is he so warm.. caring and charming...

He makes my worries go away even if it's for a second.

He's someone that's gone through so much pain and yet.. he sees my troubling past as more important than his own mental state.

I can't fall.

I won't fall.

"Clint."

Natasha walks in and sits next to me. I'm laying in my bed looking through the tears in my eyes at the ceiling.

"Get out please.."

Natasha frowns and looks down at me.

" get the fuck up Clint. Honestly go wash you face. "

"Nat... please.."

Natasha stayed there. Silence took over the room for a minute or so..

"You know he's worried about you..."

She says. And for some reason I really did feel like I could throw up.
"He loves you. But I don't think I should explain how he feels about you. Plus I think you already know. And I bet you know your own feelings to.

Clint... you can't cling to the past like this..
you are strong and capable. I know you love him so why won't you just accept it!?

This is your chance... he's your chance.

But your throwing it all away..."

"Natasha leave!"

"No.

Clint you've basically thrown your life away.
In missions you put your life on the line, but not because you like your job or something... I know deep down you want a bullet to go right through your chest. I know you have hoped countless times that the wounds that left those scars on your body would have been fatal.

But Clint please realize... that everybody has lost someone special to us in our life time... especially those of us here... in this tower."

I could tell she was about to cry. But that's Natasha ... she won't cry.

I'm the other hand tears are trailing down my face like rivers.

And I hate to admit it but she was right.

And there's no holding Bach now.

" thank you.."

She sighs

" your welcome.... now come in clean your self up... there's pizza"

- 4:23 am -

"Your still awake."

I'm siting on the floor of my bedroom. Back pressed against the glass and knees held against my chest with a cup of coffee to my right; placed on top of a neatly folded napkin I took the time to fold.

He walks closer and sits on the corner of my bed.

"It's beautiful again."

He says.

"Yeah.."

He takes a deep breath

"Cli-"

I cut him off

" I'm sorry."

Bucky stares at me. No expression but so many different emotions showed present in his eyes.

I stared up at him for a second before looking down at my hands.

"I'm sorry I've... been like this...

I'm hurt , broken, chattered, and just a complete mess.

And I thought.... how could a mess like me be loved by someone as beautiful as you"

There was a moment of silence

" Bucky I'm scared. And I know you are to.
And I heard that sometimes time needs a little help to heal wounds. ( I couldn't come up with anything better sht)

So if you... would take my help... I'd gladly take yours..."

Bucky stares at me for a solid second. He then gets up and kneels down on the floor with me. Out faces inches apart he closes the gap between us and kisses me. It's sweet and soft and warm and perfect. He holds me close and pulls away from me.

He's smiling.

" Clint... if this is a confection..... god I love you. "

I couldn't help but chuckle.

It all seemed so easy at that moment.

As if just giving in to him would have been easier than to push him away the way I did. And honestly it wold have been.

But enough thinking cause he is about to kiss me again and oh god Am I not gonna hold back any longer.

So this chapter was I hope not to short. And like I said same day delivery! Lol last chapter is coming up and I like to end my stuff in a bunch of fluffy shit so deal with it okay?

Thank you.

(💙)