Breathe Again

Chapter 1

It's ominous isn't it? For the dark skies to open up and pour rain on a day like today.

Every funeral Madi has ever attended was on a day like this. Grandparents, Loved ones of Friends, In-Laws, even her own Father just 2 years ago.

She gets up, puts on something black, pulls her hair back and essentially dresses as subtle and understated as possible in hopes of getting lost in the sea of mourning people.

It's not that she doesn't mourn, it's just that she was never a visible crier in front of people, especially strangers she hardly knew, always afraid that people will mistake that for being cold or not caring.

Today, however, she cannot fade into the faces, cannot hide her true feelings or hope to not catch any attention no matter how scarce she makes herself, because today all eyes are on her.

She is the 27 year old widow whose husband was taken too soon in an accident, and no amount of hiding can keep her out of the spotlight today.

This is a new version of Hell.

One Year Later

Madi:

"So, you're probably wondering where I've been. Actually, let's be real, we both know that I didn't need to come here for you to know this. Remember how we use to talk about how weird it was that people would come to a graveyard and talk to a headstone and find it therapeutic? We both know that you've been up there having the time of your life and watching out for me, making sure I didn't fall off my rocker after you ditched me, but I figured I would come here and see if I could find what others would when they visit these places, so here I am." She said looking at the headstone that was picked out and put up a few weeks after she left.

"Your Mom was so mad that I left right after the service and that I didn't keep in touch, but who was she kidding? She didn't like me when you were here, and with you gone that wouldn't have made anything better. I did tell my mom and sister where I was headed, and while they were worried in the beginning, I told them I was doing it on your orders, and of course when has my mom ever questioned you?"

"Europe was cool, I ate way too much food and paid for it by walking everywhere. With the number of bakeries I got to visit I'm surprised my arteries didn't shut down after the first month. I made it over to China eventually just for you, even though you know I would've preferred a small quiet island laying on a beach undisturbed, as opposed to the masses of people in the streets of Hong Kong but I did it. Then I headed 'Down Under', and experienced all of my Cake Crushes from the other side of the world, then travelled the Hobbit Trails in New Zealand before finally getting that relaxing beach time." Madi continued with her adventure stories.

An hour had passed like that. Finally, she stood up, grabbed the blanket off the ground and with a final look, "Thank you for pushing me to go to the places that we always said we would go, and to not be afraid to do it alone and continue on. Without that I wouldn't have made it out of this parking lot the first time. I will always love you and I hope you can forgive me for moving on from this place, only because I know that wherever I decide to end up, you'll be there."

A single tear fell without her permission, then she was in her car before she realized she had even moved a step.

Madi made the drive down that familiar route to the house they spent months searching for that ticked all their wish list boxes, pulled into the meticulously organized garage and walk out to look up at what could be considered their biggest and proudest 'Adult Purchase'.

She walked up to the white railing that lined the wrap around porch, then she stopped and sat on the bench swing that her and Sterling would spend lazy weekend mornings on drinking coffee and talking about what was next for them.

Just two kids pretending to be adults and trying to navigate their way through the ups and downs of job changes, moving to new places, infertility and marriage in general. It was never easy, and she would be lying if she said they didn't almost call it quits more times than she would like to admit, but they always somehow came out on the other side.

"Well, I guess it's time to go inside..."

It's weird, after being gone for so long, there is always a smell that just tells you that you are home. It smells new and like fresh paint, just like it did the day they moved in.

She slowly walked through the entry way and passed the office to the left where she decided to sell her business to focus on starting a family, to the right was a formal dining room that they only used for holidays, through there was the kitchen where recipes were created and messes were made. It was definitely covered in flour and sugar on more than one occasion.

Looking out from the kitchen island, over to the living room where every football game imaginable was watched, she took a deep breath and steeled herself for what she knew was coming next. There was only one room left on the main floor. The Master Suite.

Madi stood in front of the closed door and tried to steady her hand before she just bit the bullet and opened it.

It was eerily identical as the day she left it. She told her sister she could pack it up for donations or to sell it, but here it was.

The bed made neatly, the scarf hanging on the corner of the floor mirror, the jewelry box sitting on top of the dresser and the pictures on the nightstand. Reaching for the one on her bedside table, she was pleasantly surprised that it wasn't covered in a layer of dust, but leave it to her sister to make sure everything stayed cleaned while remaining exactly where it belonged.

The picture was one of her favorites at a concert they had went to, and Sterling had the frame customized with a letter he wrote for one of their anniversaries.

"Life began the day I met you. You bring out the best in me, and I cannot imagine my life without you."

She read the words over and over and must've been distracted, because she missed the sound of the door opening.

"You know, you better be glad you left the garage door open so I could see your car, or I might have come in swinging a bat" the voice said.

Letting out a small sound between a chuckle and a sob, Madi turned around and called the name of the person standing in the doorway. "Hi Mom."