Breathe Again

Chapter 16

Back in Michigan...

Madi:

Madi waited outside the airport at passenger pickup looking for Amanda, when all the sudden she heard "OH MY GOD!" echoing throughout the tunnel. She looked over to the black SUV with her best friend poking her head out of the sunroof waving like a lunatic at her.

Madi laughed as she made her way over to her friend's car as she opened the back to help put her bags in. "Come here my love! It's been way too long! God, I missed you." Amanda said as she wrapped Madi in a bone crushing hug.

"I missed you more than ever! Tell Theo and James to quit hogging you!" Madi said as she hugged her back.

They got in the car and started making their way out of the airport when Amanda asked, "So how was Boston? Did it suck having to stay an extra weekend at the airport hotel?"

"Not really. It was pretty nice actually. I met some great people, got to enjoy Boston a little bit more, kind of met someone." Madi said in a rush.

"You WHAT?! Dish!!!! Who is he?!" Amanda said too loud for the car.

"Calm down, I don't even know if I'll even hear from him. We were supposed to have breakfast this morning, but my flight was earlier than I thought and I didn't know his room number, so I left a note with my info with one of his colleagues. We met Friday night in the hotel bar, ran into each other at the gym the next morning, had breakfast right after and he asked me out to dinner that night. We went to dinner, had drinks, danced, and he kissed me goodnight, asking to have breakfast together the next morning. We told each other a lot of things about ourselves."

"He's a writer that travels all over writing biographies and memoirs and was in town for a writer's convention that is held there every year. I told him about going to see Eric in California in a few weeks, and he said he would be back from London and in LA by then and wanted to meet up. I figured he would've read my note by now and texted me at least, but that was hours ago, so..." Madi told her.

"Maybe he's one of those guys who thinks you have to wait 3 days or something stupid like that, or wants to wait until he's back from London to make plans for when you're both in California. Don't give up hope that he's just a jerk if you really hit it off like it sounds, but regardless we are cyber stalking him when we get to the house. Do you at least have a last name?" Amanda asked.

"Yeah, Rob Black. I only know his last name because I looked up a few books he has published. I wonder how many of those there are in the world." Madi said.

"Well you know what he does for a living, what he looks like and where he works so it should narrow it down."

"I don't want to come off like a stalker, I just have this weird feeling that he maybe didn't get the note at all." Madi said thinking back on the decision to give it to that girl he works with.

"What makes you say that?" Amanda inquired.

"There was this girl who saw us come in the hotel last night, and I saw her at the front desk early this morning. When she heard me talking to the front desk agent about giving the note to him, she happily volunteered to give it to him for me. She seemed genuine but who knows, maybe she just chunked it after I left and he thinks I stood him up." Madi said starting to feel more and more like that was the likely scenario.

"Okay, before we start making a voodoo doll of this girl, let's look him up. If he hasn't responded by the end of the week, maybe you can contact him somehow?" Amanda suggested.

"I'm not sure how to do that, since he'll be in London for the next few weeks. If we don't find him online, then maybe I can look him up when I'm in California." Madi decided.

"Well, let's hit brunch first, fill up on mimosas and then head to the house and find this mystery man. I'm excited to see what he looks like to be able to catch your attention like this. I mean you turned down some good looking Aussie and Italian boys last year when you were traveling the world."

"I wasn't on that journey to find boys." Madi said rolling her eyes.

"And this trip you were?" Amanda had her there and she knew it.

"No, but it knocked me over out of nowhere. He's taller, tan, the cutest freckles and messy dark curly hair."

"Sound like College Madi's type for sure." Amanda said winking at her.

"Hey! Jeff was Blonde!" Madi argued.

"Yeah, and that fling lasted a month, two tops." Amanda reminded her.

"Shut up. I need a mimosa to continue this with you." Madi said jokingly.

"Good thing we are going where they are bottomless and plenty." Amanda said as they drove towards our destination.

They spent most of the brunch catching up on life. Amanda on being a new Mommy to little James and Madi's travels and navigating this new stage of life.

"I just don't know how I'm supposed to be happy or enjoy things without feeling that guilt, then I feel guilty that I don't feel guilty sometimes. It's so confusing. Am I an awful person for being happy, even though Sterling is gone? Am I supposed to only be able to be a little happy about certain things and guilty about other things? There's not a how-to book on this shit." Madi said, and maybe bottomless mimosas were not a good idea.

"Madison Jane! Sterling loved you. I know things weren't that great towards the end but I know you loved that man with all you had. He wouldn't want you to be miserable or feel guilty for moving on with your life I can guarantee you that. The first time something happens that's new for you without him will feel weird, and maybe you'll want to feel guilty about being happy, but you can't live your life that way. You're still here, you're still alive and you need to live this life you have been given. You know he would tell you the same thing." Amanda told her.

"You're right. And he did tell me that. One of the things he told me when we had talks about one of us not being around for any reason, was that he wouldn't want me to sulk without him. He wanted me to live life and be happy no matter what. Maybe that's why I feel so guilty, because he wanted that for me and I don't know that if it was the other way around if I would've been that selfless."

"I will always love Sterling, but when I met Rob, for the first time in years I felt something for someone I haven't ever felt, and as amazing as it felt I also had that guilt. The fact that I could feel like this for someone who wasn't my Husband, it scares me to death." Madi said honestly.

Amanda reached her hand over to Madi and held her hand. "Don't you ever feel guilty for feeling happy or loved. No one knows how to deal with this, but I know that living your life to the fullest is exactly what he wanted for you and you know that too. I'll be damned if I let my best friend walk around living, but be dead on the inside. Now c'mon, your nephew is dying to see you!" She smiled at Madi.

"I am so excited to finally meet him in person and not over Facetime. Also, I have a gift from Uncle Devon for little man." Madi told her.

They left the restaurant and headed to Amanda's house outside of the city.