What we should just say

How did we end up like this?

Authors Note: This is my first FanFiction, AU or whatever you want to call it. I have already finished the first three chapters so hopefully I will be able to update this story every week.
I wish you a lot of fun reading this. : )
Disclaimer: Unfortunately I do not own Grey's Anatomy or any of the characters in any way.

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Sometimes we refuse others to help us. Sometimes we just don't want their help. But that is not because we don't need it. We refuse help when we most urgently need it, and that's because we are scared. Scared that if we share our pain with others, it will only grow bigger. Scared that if we show our vulnerability to the outside world, the suffering will only increase. We are scared of having to face the fact that we are not invulnerable and are dependent on other people's help. - Meredith Grey

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"How are you feeling Mer?" Derek asks as he catches up with his wife, who obviously didn't expect him. "Oh got Derek, you frightened me!" She responds, "I'm totally fine." Derek is not satisfied by that answer "you always say that you are fine, but you know when you use a word too often, it loses its meaning." Derek pauses to take in the look of a totally broken Meredith and then continues. "You should get new tests done. I can't stand seeing you suffer so much." Meredith looks up at him and starts talking again: "But Derek I really am fine, and we have talked about this before, I don't want any more tests done. It doesn't do us any good." She is interrupted by the sound of a pager going off "I have to leave now, but Derek STOP worrying about me!" Meredith exclaims as she takes off to the surgical wing.

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"Close up for me Ross," Dr. Grey says as she starts to pull off her surgical gown in a haze. She had been in surgery for the past five hours, and her body is becoming sore. She feels unbearable pain in her back and almost trips out of the OR. While scrubbing out, her feet are becoming numb, and the pain is getting worse. She tries to hold herself up by supporting herself on the sink but fails to do so.
Derek steps into the scrub room to congratulate his beautiful wife for such a brilliant surgery. But before he can start talking, he sees how she winces in pain and is sitting on the cold floor. He knows that she has been in discomfort for a long time now, and he knows what is going on, so he says with a lot of pity in his voice while helping her up to a bench: "Mer, sit down, I'll get you your wheelchair."
He runs off to his office. It hurts him to see the love of his life suffer so much, especially when he knows that there might be a chance to help her. That there might be a way to end her misery.
As he gets back, Alex is sitting next to Meredith rubbing her back trying to lighten the pain she has been suffering from for a long time now. Derek hands her her medication before he lifts her up into the wheelchair. She groans in pain, and he can see how Alex is making a face by that. "Meredith please let me take some new scans" Derek begs, "we might be able to find a solution to all this." Meredith looks up at him, she wants to contradict him but is too tired to argue and knows that her husband is right.

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Flashback (about one or two years earlier)
Meredith finally woke up after her alarm had been ringing for half an hour. It was 5:30 when she got up. She went to take a quick shower and made herself a cup of coffee. Meredith hadn't slept well and still felt sick from all the tequila she drank the night before. She didn't want to go to work. That was not because she didn't like her job, she loved surgery. She was a well-known general surgeon who people admired for her grade work and focus on nothing but the patient. It was just that she had a feeling that something might go wrong that day. When she was finally ready to leave her shift had already started 10 minutes ago, so she hushed into her car and out of the parking lot.

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At the hospital:
"Incoming trauma from car-crash" Hunt yelled as Bailey, Webber, Kepner, Shepard, Torres and Altman entered the ER.

When the ambulances pulled up into the ambulance bay, Meredith was still not there. "Where the hack is Grey?" Bailey shouted. "I don't know, I paged her twenty minutes ago," Hunt replied. Derek got worried, Meredith was usually never late. He didn't see her for the past 24 hours as he was on call this morning and in surgery when she left the night before. "Jane Doe around 30 years old, obvious trauma to the left knee," the paramedic started. "Possible spinal injury and internal bleedings, she kept slipping in and out of consciousness until she finally crashed on the way to the hospital, we were able to bring her back though," he finished. As they pulled out the stretcher Dr Bailey attempted to examine the patient. A worried look started to appear on her face. How could this have happened again? She thought. Then she yelled out to Hunt: "Page Nelson!" Derek was confused, why should they have wanted to page Nelson, they literally call him "Shadow Shepherd" and Derek was the head of neuro, so why should he have been any less capable of doing this consult than Nelson was? Derek's thoughts were interrupted by someone saying: "Oh my god, this is not a Jane Doe, this is Meredith Grey!" His world shattered as he heard somebody shout: "Get me a crash card here, she is coding again!"