What we should just say

Awful things happen

Authors Note: Hey guys I'm back with the second chapter, this is still a flashback and it is probably going to stay that way until the storyline has caught up with time.

Disclaimer: Unfortunately I do still not own Grey's Anatomy or any of the characters in any way.

I hope you enjoy reading this chapter and I'll be back with the third chapter next week.

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Awful things happen, we can't control them and there is no way to stop them. The thing is, bad things do not only happen to bad people. You can be the nicest person on earth and still die because you got up in the morning and life just wasn't on your side that day. While someone who is a serial killer might live through their life without ever getting a single bruise. There is just no such thing as Karma. If there was, I had to have had murdered hundreds of people because painful incidences seem to be magnetically drawn by me. - Meredith Grey

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They had to intubate Meredith and give her multiple units of AB do to the great blood loss she suffered from. They hushed her into CT as fast as possible. They couldn't lose her, Derek couldn't lose her. Not after all they had been through. It took so long until she overcame her commitment issues and was finally able to trust Derek. But then there was Addison and her mother, and they were right back to where they had started. Now that they were finally happy, this idiot of a drunk driver had to come around and destroy everything. He was not even severely injured and would probably get away with a broken arm or something like that. Derek couldn't stop himself from wishing that man had died. It was not him thinking, it was the rage that pulled through every vein of his body. He knew that he shouldn't wish for a man to die. He was a doctor. He knew it wasn't right but neither was it right that his once so dark and twisted wife, who was finally able to let him into her life would now probably have to face a very long and painful recovery if she even pulled through. This time she had to swim. This time she might not be as lucky as when the ferryboat incident happened. This time she might not come out alive, even if she only let go for a second.

The scans showed that Meredith liver and spleen were bleeding and that her left knee was sprained. They showed as well that she had a spinal fracture and dislocation and possible damage to the spinal cord at T5 to T6. All of her doctors and friends knew that if they didn't get her into an OR fast she would end up either paralyzed or dead. They didn't know what would be worse, because for Meredith surgery was everything and if she ended up paralyzed she might never ever be able to operate again. She might even wish she had died.

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Alex and Derek were sitting in front of the OR in which they were just slicing open the one person they both loved so much. „Meredith is strong, she will get through this" Alex said more to convince himself than to convince Derek. „She always comes out alive," he pauses to take in a deep breath „she can't die now." Although Alex had started dating Jo he was afraid. Meredith and he always had a special connection, she just got him. And since Cristina left for Switzerland there were only him and Meredith. He couldn't be the only intern left. He needed Meredith to live.

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When Dr Bailey came to update Derek on Meredith's condition, he wasn't even able to listen. He was in shock. How could this have happened to his Meredith? Hadn't she already suffered enough? Wasn't the bomb, the drowning, the shooting and the plane crash enough? Not even to start with her horrible childhood. Meredith was a strong person but she wasn't invincible nor were any of the people whose lives would change so drastically if she died. Derek was scared that at some point she would just break and that then there would be no glue strong enough to put her back together.

Alex had left. He couldn't just sit there and wait for the confirmation that yet another person had just disappeared out of his life. He couldn't let that happen again. He went to an on-call room to get some sleep, but he couldn't close his eyes, because every time he tried to do so he was confronted with pictures of Meredith drowning or holding a bomb in her hand each time she seemed to be a little closer to death. After two hours Alex had given up, there was no chance of him falling asleep as long as he didn't know for sure that Meredith would live. That she wouldn't end up in the morgue as O'Malley did.

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Since neither Alex nor Derek had really listened to Bailey they missed that she told them, that they had successfully fixed Meredith's liver and had been able to proceed with a splenectomy, but Dr Nelson was still working on her spinal cord, and that was a lot of pressure for him. He knew that none of the other doctors would ever even consider thinking for a second that he could ever perform a surgery as good as Dr Shepherd. He knew that if he wasn't able to fix the nerves he would end the career of one of his own colleagues but more importantly of one of "their" colleagues. If this didn't work, Meredith Grey would never be able to walk or even stand again and therefore probably never be able to perform surgery ever again. That would most likely not improve the way his colleagues looked at him. He had known that they called him "Shadow Shepherd", he was okay with that, but he wouldn't be known as the surgeon who is not even closely as good as his boss anymore, no he would be known as the person who ended the career of Meredith Grey one of the greatest surgeons in the country when not even in the entire world and for that it didn't even matter whether he screwed this up or if there was simply no way to fix the nerves.

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Meredith surgery was supposed to have been finished, but Derek couldn't find her. He had looked for her in every part of the ICU and at the OR but she wasn't there. He couldn't think clearly. The only place he could come up with where he hadn't already looked was the morgue. He was scared to go there because if he saw the love of his life lying there so lifeless in a cadaver pouch, he couldn't see himself getting back from that.

Bailey was on her way to an on-call room. Meredith surgery had been exhausting, it lasted for over 14 hours. They brought her to CT right afterwards to be sure that they didn't miss anything. When Bailey stopped in front of the on-call room she catches sight of Derek crying. She was confused, she knew that this certainly wasn't easy for him but they completed the surgery successfully, so why wasn't he with her? "What happened?" Derek asked trying to wipe off his tears. "I looked for her, for Meredith" he sobbed "She wasn't in the ICU nor in the OR. So what the hell happened?" His voice didn't sound desperate anymore like before, it was filled with rage. "We broad her to CT after surgery, she should be in her room now," Bailey replied. And before she could say anything else Derek had run off back to the ICU.