Sparks

Can't I Have Both?

My eyes open and I yawn, sunlight filtering through my window. For a moment I don't remember anything, but then the memory of last night comes back to me and I frown. I get up and check my phone. There's a text from Kyle, asking me to dinner tommorow night. I sigh and throw on some clothes, choosing to ignore the text for now.

I go downstairs and find Ethan eating a super healthy breakfast of Lucky Charms topped with whipped cream in the kitchen.

"Why'd you leave last night?" he asks. I gulp. I don't want him to feel guilty for leaving me alone at the party, it's not his fault that Mark was drunk, but I know that he will blame it on himself.

"I was just...tired", I lie.

"Seriously Ember, what happened", he answers. I sigh, I have never been a good liar, especially when it comes to Ethan. Even when we were really little he could tell instantly whether I was telling the truth or not.

"Mark just got a little drunk", I answer, "it's not  a big deal." He leans back in his chair.

"You know I'm just going to ask Sam later", he says.

"Whatever", I answer, grabbing a banana from the counter, "I have to go to work, my boss let me take a later shift so I don't want to be late."

"Fine", says Ethan, "see you at Kyle's?"

"Yeah, but I might be a little late", I answer. I go out the door and walk to the bus stop, thinking about my current dilemma. There's Kyle, who is really sweet and nice, basically the perfect guy. But then there is Sam, who I have been attracted to since day one. Which one do I like the most?They always make it seem so easy in books. Girl likes guy, guy likes girl, the end. But how am I supposed to know which guy I like when they were both perfectly good options?

I guess I'll have to see. I text Kyle back, asking him which restaurant he wants to go to. Because right now I am leaning towards the guy who has actually asked me out on dates, the guy who I know would never pressure me. But the question is, is that the guy I really want?

"One green tea with milk", says a guy wearing a baseball hat turned sideways. He's about a year older then me, and I've seen him around school.

"Green tea, I don't get that order from guys your age very often", I say, turning to make the tea.

"Well I have interesting tastes", answers the guy, "I think I've seen you around before, Ember, right?"

"Yeah", I answer, "did you actually know my name or did you just look at my name tag?" He laughs.

"Would it seem inconsiderate if I told you I just looked at your name tag?", he asks. I smile.

"No, it would just show me that you were trying to impress me", I answer, "that will be two-fifty please." He hands me the money and I give him the tea in return.

"Am I that obvious?" he asks. I laugh.

"So, will you go out with me sometime?" he asks.

"I'm flattered", I respond, "but I'm already dating someone."

"I should have known that a pretty girl like you wouldn't be single", he answers, "I'll see you around." He turns and leaves, holding the door of the coffee shop open for a guy with black curly hair. What is with all of these guys suddenly liking me? I've never been the girl who got all the guys, what changed? I get the next person in line's coffee and doughnut and find Kyle, who I now realise was the guy who came in when the other guy left, in front of me.

"Let me guess", I say, "caramel frappachino?"

"Of course", he answers. I fill up his cup and turn back to him.

"So, I'll meet you there at six?" he asks.

"Sounds good", I respond. He pays and I hand him his change.

"See you at practice", he says.

"Bye", I answer. He leans forward and kisses me on the cheek before leaving. I smile. Being with Kyle makes me feel good, and safe. But that kiss last night with Sam, I just can't get it out of my head. It was amazing, but he still hasn't asked me out on a date, which makes me feel like he doesn't actually want to be with me.

I turn my attention to the woman who has just entered the shop. But the whole time I am filling up her cup my mind is elsewhere. I am so busy thinking that I almost spill it all over the floor, and I know that I have to resolve this soon, very soon.

"Now it's too late, too late, too late. Our love is starting to fade, to fade, to fade. And I know this isn't worth it, cause nothing can be this imperfect, but-''

''I'm sorry'', says Sam, interrupting my singing, ''but I still need some time to practice the guitar part.''

''That's fine'', says Ethan, ''maybe you could have a practice session with Ember.''

''Sure'', answers Sam, ''how about tommorow before practice?''It takes me a second before I realize the last part is directed at me.

''Sounds good'', I answer. We switch songs and I start to sing. I look over at Kyle, and he smiles. His smile reminds me that we have a date after practice and the thought makes me smile too. But then I realize that I am going to be spending an hour alone with Sam tommorow. And I try to convince myself that the thought of that doesn't excite me, that I really want to be with Kyle. I try to convince myself, but I can't. Because I know that I am excited, even more excited then I am for my date.

''I had a wonderful time'', I say as we pull up to my house. It was after dinner at a local Italian restaurant and we were driving back in his car

''So did I'', he answers. We sit there for a minute before he starts to talk again.

''I like you Ember'', he says.

''I'm glad'', I answer nervously, ''it would be weird if you didn't like me, we are in the same band.''

''No'', he says, ''I really like you.'' He turns to me and leans in. I start to lean in to, after all, Kyle is nice, and polite, and sweet, everything a girl could want. But then I realize I have been thinking of Sam this whole time and pull back. He sits back in his seat.

''I'm sorry'', I say, quietly.

''It's okay'', he answers, ''it is only our second date.''

''I know'', I say, ''but guys your age usually get far more well before the second date.'' He laughs.

''I'm not like most guys my age'', he responds, ''I know that it'll happen when we're both ready.''

''Thanks'', I answer. I give him a hug and get out of the car. I go into the house and see Ethan watching TV, texting someone on his phone.

''Hey'', I say, sitting down on the couch beside him.

''Hey''' he answers, still consumed with his phone.

''Who you texting?'' I ask, ''Emily?'' He blushes and I know that means yes.

''So'', I say, ''have you asked her out yet?'' He looks up at me.

''We're just friends'', he answers. I laugh.

''Ethan'', I say, ''I know you like her, and I know she likes you, so just ask her out already.''

''You think I should?''' he asks.

''Totally'', I answer.

''Well, if you really think she'll say yes...'', he says.

''She will'', I respond, ''goodnight Ethan.'' I get up from the couch and start to leave the room. I turn around an see that Ethan is already texting her back. I smile and walk out of the room. I wish my relationships were this simple. With one person liking the other, and that person liking them back. I wish, but unfortunatly that isn't going to happen. Because no matter what, someone's going to end up hurt. And it could very well be me.