Solitary ~Minsung~

Chapter 3

I'm lying awake in the mid hours of the morning when I hear the typical three beat knock of a nurse, signifying she wishes to enter. I have my back to the door so I cannot see her, however I hear two more pairs of footsteps accompanying her.

Intrigued, I turn around, to see Dr. Seo and another boy with the nurse. The boy was looking at me, smiling brightly, a smile that completely reached his eyes, from what I could see of them. Small crescent moon-shaped slits created as he opened his mouth wide. His long black fringe was trying to cover this, so I felt a sudden urge to brush it out the way. However, I was quickly drawn to a little dimple left of his lip, letting me forget the hair that was threatening to cover his shining moons.

"This is Minho" the nurse states. "He is your new roommate. He is here for the same reason as you, so maybe he can help you out. He's from another ward and has been here for a several months so will be getting discharged soon, maybe he can help you get discharged too Jisung!" She exclaims happily. Dr. Seo coughs, dragging everyone's attention to him. "We will give you two a chance to get to know each other. Jisung--" he looks directly at me. "The nurse will be outside until your lunch time just in case you need her." I nod at the doctor, he and the nurse leave swiftly after I do so. However, I can still see the back of the nurse's head through the small square window located in the middle of my door.

Minho, his smile never faltering, continues to look at me, before he proceeds to walk over to his own bed. He places his collection of things down, another pair of clothes, a white cat plushie and a book. I look at the thick cover of the old red book labelled 'Peter Pan' and my eyes light up with a desire to read that book again.

Minho looks up to see me staring at the book and his smile widens even further, which I thought was impossible given how wide it already was. "Do you like this book?" he asks energetically; to which I reply with a stoic nod. "You can read it if you would like" he says, walking closer to me in an attempt to hand me the book. I cower into the corner with my knees held tightly to my chest, as my eyes begin to water and my head to shake violently.

I stop shaking my head to look up and see Minho. He is halted in place, with a forlorn look on his face and his hand with the book now placed at his side. He seems to survey me before beginning to smile again, walking back towards his bed and placing the book under his pillow. The bell rings for lunch and Minho leaves, looking back at me before he does – again with a grin. "Wanna come with me to get something to eat?". I shake my head in reply, questioning what made me think I was ready for this...

However, my stomach rumbles, knowing that today is Jjiage and cheesecake for lunch. The thought of my favourite foods is enough for me to reach my legs over the side of the bed and place my feet lightly onto the floor.

I head into the cafeteria, not having encountered anyone on the way to it. I walk up to the lunch lady and am served straight away, due to there being no line this late into the lunch break. I look around and head to the corner of the room to sit at a table by myself. However, when I sit down Hyunjin, my friend from the ward, approaches me. "Hey Jisung! I've missed you, what happened dude?" he says happily, reaching out to pat my back in a comforting manner.

As soon as he touches my back I began to feel wave after wave of fear and my stomach gives out on me. I can hear my heart begin to pound so loudly I think it will come out of my chest. Pains begin to shoot down my legs. I became so afraid, that I can no longer catch my breath. Hyunjin retracts his hands as I stand up and run back to my room, leaving my especially desired lunch behind.

I run into my bed and place the covers over my head, dwelling on the feeling of my most recent panic attack. I think about my past, why I'm in the hospital – how my mentality was already distraught, and now worsened by the monster who saw me as nothing more than something to use. Maybe that's all I am? Something for people to use then throw away. Why me? Why do bad things keep happening to me? I just want to leave this place, but I can't if I keep having these attacks at the slightest touch from another person. I do not want this feeling to return, why can't people just stay away? See me for what I really am... that is, nothing at all.

I lay there for hours, stuck in the dark recesses of my own inner anguish. Held by the agony of my situation and my hate for myself. I rehearse every bad thing I've ever done.

After a while, I have no idea how long exactly, I see Minho enter. He looks at me again, the same look as earlier. Slightly confused? Slightly sad? He sighs, and then goes to lay on his own bed, staring at the ceiling. "What's the matter Jisung?"

"Don't talk to me"

"Why?"

"You just shouldn't... I don't deserve it"

"You don't deserve it?" he asks questioningly.

"I don't deserve it, I don't deserve anything, maybe I should just end everything"

A pause. Minho thinks for a second before sitting up and staring directly at me.

"Why aren't you dead then?"

"That would be too easy" I reply.

He looks at me and then lays down again, the same sigh echoing off the walls as before.

We both lay there for another expanse of time, who knows how long, before I hear his voice:

"All children, except one, grow up."

I tilt my head, looking at Minho who has the red-bound book open above his head as he keeps reading.

"They soon know that they will grow up, and the way Wendy knew was this."

My heart instantly feels lighter, the sad thoughts that filled my head only earlier begin to disappear as quickly as they had come.