Solitary ~Minsung~

Chapter 8

~A few days later ~

Ever since I had placed my hand onto Minho's he has been distant... He still keeps an eye on me... but the distance both physically and emotionally has extended – like we were no longer friends.

I was confused, we we're fine walking to the dining hall together; I had walked with my head on his shoulder the whole way... and the rest of the night I spent with my hand in his until we parted to go to bed. Yet, the next morning he was completely different.

I currently lay in bed, awake after a night with the littlest amount of sleep I'd had in a long while. I look over to see Minho also awake, staring at the roof of our dorm. I sigh, dragging my tired body out of bed towards the bathroom.

Once I'm showered I walk out the bathroom, seeing Minho with his head down, looking at the floor. I had never seen him like this. Was it because of me?

He too drags himself as he walks, heading into the bathroom. As he is about to close the door he lifts his head to meet my eyes. He has had no emotion on his face, a reflection of the past few days as well – I was devoid of his grin, of his glowing moons. I needed his happiness to fuel my own.

He quickly darts his eyes, closing the bathroom door with a loud thud.

"Wake Up" the nurse yells, unlocking the door of our room. Angry, I storm out of it towards the common room. I walk over to the couch by the window, sitting on the very left side and placing a pile of pillows next to me so no one would sit there.

I look out the window and see the bench. The bench where everything started to seem okay. Where I started to feel like my 'me' had properly returned.

I look up as I hear footsteps approaching, my chest tightening like it used to, without Minho to give me a sense of relief. Ironically, it is the aforementioned who walks through the doorway from the corridor. His eyes meet mine, one again lacking any real emotion and he turns around to walk back out the hallway.

I pull my knees up to my chest, scared of returning to life here without Minho's grin and constant chit chat to accompany me. My eyes glass over at the thought and silent tears begin to fall. I place my head between my knees and my mind takes its own course.

Why was he so close and now so far? Does he not like me? Does he think I'm repulsive for liking him, when he is a man? I catch myself here at my own thought. Do I even like him like that?

Yes.

I do like him.

I like him a lot.

I fall asleep, my head still in that position as my tears continue to fall.

I wake up to the sound of the breakfast bell, however I ignore it. My appetite gone with my happiness.

I walk outside to the garden and look at the fated bench. I begin kicking the wooden bench until a leg gives out, causing the whole thing to lean to one side, from which I then jump and land on it, snapping the bottom of the bench and completely breaking it half.

Tears once again begin to spill, wetting my cheeks and I keep kicking, even though the chair is already broken. No longer silent, my crying turns into violent sobs, my tears falling like raindrops and staining the dry wood of the now fractured bench.

An alarm sounds, but I just keep kicking and jumping, breaking the bench into smaller pieces each time. Nurses come, grabbing me and restraining my arms to my sides as I continue thrashing around in their arms, screaming to be let go as my sobs grow louder.

Dr. Seo arrives, carrying the syringe I know all too well. The look on his face was utter disappointment, the sinking feeling in my stomach causing me to stop thrashing around and my sobbing to revert back to silent tears. I know I have messed up my chance of discharged in the next couple months.

I look up as Dr. Seo reaches forward with the syringe toward my arm "I'm sorry Jisung, I have to." He injects the needle, waiting for release from the pain of my own raging sadness.

As my world begins to go blurry I see a shocked face rushing up to me, two moons wide with worry as the person reaches up to touch my cheek.

"JISUNG – JISUNG – ARE YOU OKAY?!?"

"Min..." I utter as my world goes black.

/~/

I wake up, my mind wiring, but my world still black as I struggle to lift my heavy eye lids. Sitting with my eyes closed, I recount my last memories: of the bench, of Dr. Seo and of Minho...

As I continue sitting and thinking about them I suddenly realise an uneven wait between my two hands, my right being heavier than my left. Curious at why, I slowly open my eyes, looking around the dark infirmary, most likely the night of the same day as the bench accident.

I look to my right hand and it see it with another hand laying on top of it, the owner resting their beautifully messy brown bed-hair next to it. I reach forward with my left hand, not wanting to let go of him with my right, and brush my hand through his hair, playing with it as he slept. I smile as I continue to fondle his soft locks.

Disturbed from his sleep he begins to wake up, and so I remove my hand from his hair. I watch as Minho's eyes open sluggishly, obviously tired. As he raises his head however and looks over to me his eyes dart open, instantly becoming alert.

"Jisung! Are you okay? Why we're you kicking that bench?"

It was because of you. My smile drops at my thought.

"I was angry Minho... why weren't you talking to me?" he looks at the floor as I ask this.

"I was scared Sung. When you touched my hand I had so many feelings. I was scared I was going to hurt you. Scared of letting you open up to me and then I just leave – "

"Wait" I interrupt him – Minho's eyes lifting to meet mine as I do. "Why are you leaving?".

"Dr. Seo told me I was getting discharged, that day before we got in trouble in art class." He looks away again as he says this and his shoulders slump, obviously sad to reveal the news.

"Oh Min! I'm happy for you!" his eyes return to me again and I smile at him.

"Oh... I thought you'd be angry."

"I'm angry you didn't tell me sooner, and I'm devastated you're leaving but Min you deserve this. You deserve to go home and see your cats again. I will continue without you here. I will get out of here for you" Minho's eyes brighten and his mouth opens slowly to reveal his grin; my raison d'être.

"When you held my hand Jisung and placed your head on my shoulder. I was so excited, so fucking happy. However, I also didn't want you to get the wrong idea. I'm gay, but I don't date men. I know I like men, and I've been with guys, but I just can't be with any anymore. I've been used too many times. My last boyfriend, this douchebag from Busan, said he loved me. We did everything together and I thought we we're really happy. However, when it came to sleeping with him he said he wanted pictures. I of course, thinking I was in love, let him, and when it came to the actual sex part after the pictures he bolted, saying he had to go see his Mum. Turns out his Mum was code for the whole football team and I was bullied relentlessly. The football team all wanted their way with me, and me having no self-esteem let them. I did many stupid things, allowed myself to be used and degraded by way too many people. One day it was just too much and I tried to end it all in my bathroom at home, hence why I am here..."

Silence fills the infirmary and I look at Minho, who has just spilled his heart out to me, my heart calling to him. I reach forward and hug him. I wrap my arms around his neck as he wraps his around my waist. He begins crying softly, so I try to comfort him; "Minho, you are worth more to me than anything. I'm sorry for those people in the past. I would never treat you like that. I would treat you like the King you deserve."

He laughs through his tears: "Thank you Sungie. Thank you. And I'm sorry for how I treated you. I have no excuse." He says into the nape of my neck.

"I forgive you." I say pulling him away from my neck to look deeply into his eyes.