Missing Something
I feel like I am missing something inside me.
Sometimes I feel like a certain someone can finally fill this deep hole inside of me.
But then, out of nowhere, he inadvertently hurts me.
He does not mean to,
He just still doesn’t know all of the buttons he pushes.
I haven’t told him some of the things or some of the most important details;
I refuse to tell him what hurts me.
I refuse to tell anyone what hurts me anymore.
Opening up is like…
Is like someone in Hawaii wanting to move to Alaska.
It just doesn’t happen ever.
He is one of few people that I have shared my secrets with;
He doesn’t realize how important he is to my wellbeing.
If I never saw him again I don’t know what I would do.
He is my sanity in an imperfect world.
He never realizes it though.
All he realizes is that I would do anything for him.
He never makes me feel guilty when I can’t;
I do that to myself.
I love him;
There, I have said what we all know.
I love you Josh.
He has made many mistakes;
He has been hurt many times.
He does not have to spell it out for me.
Kayla has filling the missing part inside of him;
He is now complete.
I would not hurt him for the world.
So, he will go on unknowing.
It is better.
I refuse to destroy our friendship;
Because I know he does not love me.
I also refuse to hamper their relationship;
They have both found someone they love
I am glad they have.
I am upset that it is going to be a long and torturous journey to find the one I love.
I just wish it wouldn’t be.
My scars will win out over anything else anyway;
I don’t know why I even try to stop listening to what they say.
It would have saved me much emotional scarring if I had.
I am happy that he has found someone he loves;
I wish I could just let go of this pain.
You know some people say that feeling something, anything is better than numbness.
That is the worst lie I have ever heard.
Feeling is one of the worst things I have ever tried to do;
I used to feel all the time, almost in extremes;
But now I feel close to nothing.
It’s better than hurting all the time like this.
I know many more people are in the same situation.
I guess I am just sad that I got the short end of the stick Again.
I am genuinely happy that I have him as a friend because, otherwise, I have no idea where I would be right now.
He makes me look at the bright side of things;
Even when all I could do was despair.
I am glad he is my friend;
He filled the missing something inside of me even if it was only for a little while.
Now, he has been saved.
I am happy for you Josh.
I wish I find someone that will fix the missing something inside of me.
