The Killing
I walk around my house;
People forcing me to scream.
I see every one’s faces;
They are angry.
It is all because of someone I once knew.
I still see them sometimes,
Although I have not seen you in a few months.
That is perfectly fine with me.
I have no problems with you;
In fact, I have nothing with you.
We do not even look at each other.
I can barely have a small talk with you.
It angers me that you are still trying.
Why do you still try when we both know that it is over?
There is no emotion left between us,
Or rather, not enough to build our relationship,
Even to the shaky state it was in before all of this drama.
I am sorry I have given up on us;
I feel slightly ashamed, but not really.
It annoys me to talk to you,
Because I have still not forgiven you;
I do not think I ever will.
Once I tried to write down all the issues I had with you and the world;
I burst into tears before I had even finished with you.
You abandoned me one time too many;
Now just GET OUT!
GET OUT OF MY LIFE!
NEVER DO I WANT TO SEE YOU!
You make me slightly sick when I look at you;
You have made so many bad choices.
Most of them with your family.
I am sad to say I have been one of those choices.
You never wanted me and I was never even yours.
You tried to take care of me but I knew all along;
You would leave me like everybody else.
I now push people away;
My friends look concerned when I let them see that something is wrong.
No one can tell;
Not unless I am especially emotional or let them see it.
I usually don’t.
They will want me to talk about it;
I don’t like it.
Talking about myself is like getting an alcoholic to stop drinking alcohol;
Most of the time it just does not happen.
I don’t want it to happen.
I want to lose myself in something.
I don’t want someone to lose themselves in me.
I am a bad, guilty, depressed, angry person.
I long for love, yet I don’t.
That will cause me to do painful things;
I do not like to do painful things for the most part.
I do hate what you did to me.
I hate it so much…
