Happiness
I feel joyful;
I have succeeded in something.
I have terrible stage fright.
Somehow, once I got up there, I managed to overcome my debilitating anxiety.
Anxiety often controls my life, to my shame.
I try to stop it, but, nevertheless, it does.
Anytime I am forced to talk in front of people,
I get frightened.
If I knew I would have to do it beforehand, it is even worse.
My hands tremble;
My body shakes;
I bite my lip until it is on the verge of bleeding.
My mouth didn’t want to speak;
Still, I pushed the words past my dry, aching, uncaring throat.
Words flew out, rushed.
Once the words came out, it was almost impossible to stop them.
I was terrified because I had to wing this entire thing.
Sometimes I halted, inadvertently chopping up my words, leaving long, open spaces in between.
The people staring at me like zombies did not make this any easier.
Many times my worn out voice cracked, from fear, sadness, and exhaustion.
I couldn’t believe my teacher was forcing me to do the one thing I had vowed I would never do;
Talk to complete strangers about my past, my personal life.
They call it personal, it should stay that way.
I don’t like to open up;
Oftentimes I refuse, even to my friends.
Finally, FINALLY, it was over!!
I am happy and relieved I could finish that.
Frankly, I am surprised that I did not run out the door screaming.
I sank into my seat, watching the other people.
I wondered how they weren’t terrified.
Maybe they just didn’t show it;
People could read through me like I was a glass mirror.
Oh, well.
I am happy with myself.
I am glad I pushed myself to do this.
It makes me feel better about myself.
