"If it isn't the town's famous psychiatrist Thereza Page Grimaldi coming here late, I'll be mad as hell" Emma Rankins our Substance Abuse Counselor and one of my closest friends in the Medical Center, met me at the lobby, clearly waiting for my arrival. We could have been best friends if either one of us acknowledges it vocally but wretchedly neither of us did. We were both shy to admit that we relish each other's company.
"Fuck off Em." I groaned. And eventually feel apologetic for what I said. A lot of things had been happening recently especially our heated encounter prior this morning and it's getting on my nerves, giving me the unwanted mental strains.
"Somebody woke up at the wrong side of the bed. What's wrong Page? You seem off, telling me to fuck off that is." Emma stated clearly stunned at my sudden outburst. Well I was too, I'm usually not this tense and in addition to that, I always keep my calm unshaken. But not today.
"That came out wrong. Sorry Em. I'm just a little touchy with everything that's been going on in my life and Gracie's... Sorry. I thought I can talk about her but I still cannot." I answered in a remorseful manner. I always avoided that subject it always pushes me on edge. I may be efficient in doing my job, helping other individuals in their mental health needs yet I too have my own demons to deal with.
"Oh darling I'm so sorry. I want you to know that it wasn't your fault and it wasn't Nic's fault either. I'm so sorry for what happened" she assured me breaking me out of my troubled state.
Plunging in back there frights the shit out of me.
It doesn't matter. We are different now.
I gave her a curt nod to reassure her.
"I think a patient of mine is waiting?" I gave her a heartening smile, returning a grin she let out a joke trying to lighten up the mood.
"Course... right this way. Her name is Ana Carter, she was a victim of a gang rape and ..." she continued to chat and when we finally reached at my workplace, she gave me a short wave and motioned me to go inside, saying Ana is there already waiting for my arrival. I afterwards told her to do her own thing and leave me the fuck alone. She just laughs at that though. I'll never get tired of Emma being there ever.
"Hello Ana." I voice out, apparently interrupting what's going on in her head.
"Hello" Ana, groggily retorted. She constantly coils her fingers at the tip of her slick ponytail. She looked frail and vulnerable in her mint shirt and blue faded jeans. Her hazel eyes seemed empty but still were able to give me a bare smile.
"How have you been this morning?" I cautioned. When I am dealing with this kind of traumatic circumstances, I try my best to be cautious of every word that will go out of my mouth. Thinking what the right thing to say before speaking up is best. Having to speak something wrong will trigger their trauma. God knows that's the last thing a psychiatrist wants.
"I'm fine doctor. I'm just feeling tired. I didn't get much sleep." Probably from flashbacks, nightmares and even severe anxiety, I'm guessing PTSD.
"I want help, but I'm actually nervy. Can we take it slow?" she said apprehensively, her hands now on her lap looking down. God, I can't imagine what those bastards did to this sweet girl. She looks lost and pained.
"No pressure placed on here Ana. We can take it slow as you want. You can tell me anything you want and I'll listen." I assured her. It is important for me to listen without asking prying questions and hastening her to open up.
"They... they were never supposed to feel me. They damaged me. I'm filthy... disgusting" she started sobbing, her voice faltering at the moment. My hands curled under the table. Disgusted, oh not at Ana but them bastards who did this to her. I have to keep on reminding her that she is not the one to blame. No matter what her decisions were afore and after the incident, a victim should never be blamed over someone's horrible actions.
"Hey... I want you to know that what happened to you was not your fault and I'm proud of you surviving. All of your feelings are valid and you definitely deserve to heal and feel better." I continue to comfort her, handling her some tissue. I stood out from my chair and gave her a calming embrace. When she finally stopped sobbing, I went back to my chair scribbling on some notes for her medication and treatment.
"Here, let me help you. First let me ask you some questions that will help me in my diagnosis. If you are not feeling comfortable answering them, you may disregard them. Okay Ana?"
"o-okay" she responded with a nod.
"did you had upsetting thoughts or memories about that event repeated or having recurrent nightmares?"
"Yes. They made sure I can't get enough sleep." Ana croaked, her gaze looking around definitely unfocused. I also went through those nightmares but a totally different circumstance.
"Were you physically responsive to reminders of that hurtful event? Did your heart rate increased, having to sweat uncontrollably for example? Did you have strong feeling of distress when reminded of them and often had feeling the sensations or flashbacks?"
Ana answered in a series of yesses
"yo-you mean how the sound of the word liquor brings shivers to my body and it feels like how they touched my- my thighs. I was so scared for the unwanted touch. I often wake up gasping for air. The nightmares were so bad I wanted to kill myself already. Can I just cease to exist?" crying harder, she wipe her tears and nose with her shirt, which is now soaked. Totally disregarding the tissue I gave her earlier.
"Ana, you are worth it. You don't need anyone's consent to exist, I'm here for you. Your family loves you so much, and we are all here to help you overcome this. But for now, I'm going to teach you some techniques that will help you fight your Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). If you notice that you are slipping into flashbacks or a dissociative state, hold on to a piece of ice. The coldness will force you to stay in touch with the present moment. You can also play loud music so that your attention will be directed to that noise, bringing you to the present. And you said that you loved to dance right? You can use it as an outlet to distract yourself and it'll help you cope. And for those nightmares, I am going to give you Prazosin for treatment of Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)-associated nightmares."
After our little session, Ana said she felt a tad better having someone to talk to and who also respected her. At times police, doctors, and other authorities can be harsh and all that examinations are quiet painful and distressing for her part. I told her to come back for therapy and she said she will definitely come back even if not for the therapy. That made me smile and she returned it with an actual happy smile. I thanked her for her trust and honesty and finally bid our goodbyes.
I spent the rest of my day helping patients from patients. With problems ranging from mild to worst cases of mental problems.
***
After a long day I went home with no trace of Nicolai. Great! I can have a good night rest.
I started undressing myself and went to shower and did my night time routine after.
Finally ready for bed, I set the alarm with the usual time I get up and lie down in bed, sleep finally taken over my worn-out body.
Later that night I woke up with a loud crashing and banging on our front door, my hand went to our bed side drawer to grab the Glock G29 that was given by my ex US Army dad. After everything that transpired, everyone was always on the brink. I went downstairs to see what the commotion is all about. When I heard the keys jingling outside the door I pulled the trigger and pointed it at the door, chest heaving, aiming and ready to fire away.
•••...•••
What the fuck just happened?
I'm so sorry for not having the hot Nicolai Grimaldi on this chapter. I kind of see the need for you guys to see how Thereza is at work and I also wanted to introduce some characters so... But on the next chapter there will definitely be a Nico with another hot character.
Another update! Thank you for giving this book a chance. I really appreciate your comments, vote and support.
And oh! I want to clarify some things. Those flashbacks were not some sort of a conversation but actually a fraction of different memories that she don't wanna remember and hark back to.
Shout out to @lovingvampire43 love lots
-$$
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Old-Age Rhythm
RomanceI was the expert with words. He was the one adept with actions. But at that moment, there were no words that could save me and no action that could save him. We were both caught defenseless with that single moment that had the biggest impact on our...
