The Blue Queen

Chapter 2

I leave through the back of the house at five past ten. I had to set out a plan before I could relax, at least that means as I walked out I saw Abbán already there, waiting amongst the trees so he is hidden. I walk briskly to meet him in the trees and we start walking further in the trees.

"You look fatigued." Abbán says as we start our walk.

"My beauty has started to wither then." I tease him, knowing that is not what he means. His face reddens and I laugh slightly.

"No of course not." He says quickly, sincerely. I smile and link my arm with his. He settles and we continue to walk.

"What is her name?" I ask. "Your bride." I clarify. Abbán sighs deeply and stops our walk. I unlink our arms and stand in front of him, wanting to see him properly to read his body language better.

"Clara." He says. "She is about your height, not as long hair but a similar dark colour. It is very straight though, fine. She likes roses and music. Attends the same church my parents do every day. Her eyes are blue and she has thousands of freckles." He says plainly.

"She sounds nice." I say with a smile.

"She is." He assures me. "She is funny and kind to everyone; devout in her beliefs. I do not deserve her." He adds.

"You do, she sounds almost as wonderful as you are. You'll be happy." I assure him, and on some level, I assure myself.

"I do not deserve her, because I cannot give her what she wants; a husband who loves her whole heartedly." He explains. "I can love her, I'm sure I will; but not whole heartedly. There will always be a part of me reserved for you Anna." He says, knowing my next question. My heart begins to speed up again and I step back to rest on the large tree behind me.

"I don't know what to say Abbán." I say honestly. I know what is best for him, best for us, but something inside is holding me back from speaking. He steps forward, resting his hands on the tree on either side of my head. He bends his elbows and his forehead rests just above mine. My breathing deepens. Other than lacing my sister's corsets I rarely am close to other people. I rarely have handshakes let alone being in such a position.

"You just have to say the word and I will get my horse, my money and I will take you away from here, we can live a humble life together far away from here; away from our families. We can have our own family." He says. "Run away with me." He whispers.

"Abbán." I whisper. "I cannot." I say, thinking of my family. Common sense kicks in too, it is lust, he doesn't truly know me yet either.

"Why not? Your family treat you like a servant. Your father has the money for a whole team of staff. When we travel he only tells people of Elizabeth. I would have you on my arm proudly. I would treat you with respect, like the equal that you are." He says.

"You adore your parents; you'd never see them again. I would never see my family again and to just run would be unfair. Who says I can even have children and make a family? Marry Clara, you'll love her and be content. We will see each other at some point I am sure. My life is not an awful one. Once my sister is married I will probably be allowed to join her staff, so I will have significantly less to do." I explain.

"I want to give you a better life than that." He says. Standing properly but staying close, playing with my hair.

"I want to give you the best life you can have also. That's why I am saying this." I say, looking into his eyes with mine full of sincerity.

"I will be happiest with you." He says. "I am in love with you." He says the words hit me with such strength I have to lean back on the tree. I free my mind of the disorientating lust and I take a deep breath.

"And I am in love with you. That is why I must say no." I say, knowing in my heart it is what is right. Abbán's hand travels to my heated cheek and I take another deep breath.

"Are you certain?" He asks. I nod and keep my eyes fixed on his. "Do you think your mind will ever change?" He asks.

"No." I whisper. "I know it is the right thing to do." I say quietly.

"Then may I make a request?" He asks, his voice trying to hide the sadness.

"Of course." I say, it is the last time we will see each other in probably years. I want to make him happy, even if I must make him sad.

"I promised God my first kiss would be with someone I loved. I know you have less faith than I however, it is my final request." He says. Naturally my eyes fall to his lips. To kiss someone without even courting is frivolous to say the least, but who am I to care? I am beneath most people anyway.

"Just one kiss?" I ask, my fingers running against the bark behind me to keep me grounded.

"Just one kiss; between you, me and God." He says, ensuring me that it would stay between us. Timidly my hands go to his doublet, my hands run over the thick fabric, allowing me to feel the strength beneath.

"Alright." I say quietly. The lust in his eyes made me expect his lips to fall on mine quickly, but no, first his hands slowly travelled to my middle back, holding the sides of my form. He then moves one hand to move the hair to lie on my back, exposing more of my neck on the right side. His strong hand holds the upper side of my left neck and his lips go to the base of my neck. He kisses softly up to my jaw before my lips are brushed against his. "Kiss me." I whisper.

"Who am I to refuse such a beauty?" Abbán asks before his lips fall on mine with purpose and passion. I move my lips with his as passion clouds my brain. His teeth lightly bite my lower lip and I gasp lightly. He smiles and rests his forehead against mine. After I calm slightly I raise my head slightly and kiss him again, enjoying the peace and comfort it brings. I am not broken, I am wanted; I am loved. He holds my body closer to his this time, his tongue teases mine too this time also. It is once a light moan comes from our lips that we pull away and Abbán takes a few steps back.

We lean on adjacent trees as we calm ourselves. We don't make eye contact for a long while, we just focus on other things as we try and move on. A cool breeze clears the air quicker than it would naturally and eventually we make eye contact once again.

"Are you sure?" Abbán asks. I sigh and nod. I will treasure this, but I know deep in my heart that this is what is right for us; or him at least. He gives me a small nod and holds out his arm. I rest my arm in his and we walk back to my house, not talking, just being with each other. "I hope you are happy in England." He says as we get to the trees just by my house.

"I hope so too." I smile softly. He sighs and pushes some of my hair behind my ear.

"I love you." He says.

"And I you." I say. "See you later?" I ask. He smiles and nods. Neither of us want to say goodbye, so we settle for this; although we know it is goodbye. I enter my house and get to bed, ignoring the far away sound of hoof beats from Abbán leaving.

While sad I know it was right to do. And I take comfort in that. He will be okay, he will be happy without me.