California Gold

Chapter 3 // Remorse

Water slipped down Ally's pale figure, hugging every curve. It had been 45 minutes since she'd first stepped into the shower. Warm sensations electrified her with every drop of hot water that grazed her flesh, and she turned her head up, eyes closed, and felt every nerve in her body soothe.

A knock on the door pulled her from her daydream. "Ally," Lorenzo's voice echoed through her bathroom. "Someone's here to see you."

Ally stepped out of the shower, rubbing her toes into the soft shag of the bathmat. The towel felt like a hug as she wrapped it around herself, and she moved toward the mirror.

Redness stung her cheeks and bags felt heavy under her eyes. She prodded the eye bags gently with her finger, but she knew there was nothing that could be done. Quickly, she changed into the clothing that had become her primary comfort in the days since Jack's accident- her leggings, his hoodie. It was much too big for her tiny frame, but she liked the way it obscured her increasingly emaciated form. The bun she'd worn into the shower had become a permanent fixture atop her head.

The hallway was brisk as she stepped into it, leaving the warm allure of the bathroom. Charlie's paws pattered on the hardwood as he rushed up to greet her, and she treated him with a loving scratch behind the ears. At the end of the hall she turned, and her breath caught in her throat.

"Where's my dad?" she demanded.

"Outside."

"Why the fuck are you here? Who said I wanted to see you?" Ally snapped.

Rez shifted uncomfortably on the couch. "I wanted to apologize."

"For what?" her words were cold and deliberate. "For forcing me through a concert I knew I should have left? For shaming my relationship with my husband because the PR was too difficult for you? Let's be real, Rez, you're here to gloat," she turned on her heels, but the agent stopped her.

"Ally, wait," he sighed. "I never wanted this for Jack," she rolled her eyes. "I know you don't believe that, but it's true. I never wished him death or any harm, and I am so deeply apologetic that you and your family are suffering through this. All I ever wished was that you had the ability and stability necessary to accompany your stardom."

"What do you want Rez? Are you honestly here to tell me my fucking career is over?"

"Quite the opposite, actually. Do you have E! News?" Ally shook her head. "I thought as much. Come here."

Tentatively, Ally moved to sit beside him on the couch. Rez opened his laptop and logged in. A tab was already open; Giuliana Rancic moved silently on the screen, and Rez clicked the sound on.

"The world is wondering- what happened to Ally and Jackson Maine? How did things go so terribly wrong? Sources tell us that Jackson has entered recovery whereas Ally hasn't been seen since the news broke nearly two weeks ago. Tonight, we'll be doing a deeper look into the tragic story of a couple railroaded by the spotlight. But first, we'll leave you with a message- Jackson and Ally, wherever you are, we love you, and we can't wait to see you come out on top."

Ally's eyebrows knitted together in confusion. "You told me Jack was a PR nightmare. What's with the warm reception?"

"The public loves to see people overcome tragedy," Rez nodded at the laptop, not looking at Ally. "When Jackson was spiraling, people were angry with him for dragging you down. Stealing your spotlight. But when- when the accident happened, Jackson's whole image changed. He was no longer a junkie who couldn't keep it together on stage," Ally grimaced, "-sorry. He's become a tragedy, a man burned by the darkness of his past, and they're seeing you as the light that pulls him through. They don't care he dragged you down, they just want to see you lift him up."

"So the world loves him because he tried to fucking kill himself."

"I know it sounds terrible, Ally, but this is your chance to re-introduce yourself," Rez sighed heavily. "I made you a superstar, but I don't think that's what you've ever wanted. In the past two years, there hasn't been a single concert where you've had half the energy you did with Jackson," he smiled softly at her. "The world wants to hear what you have to say, now more than ever. They're listening, and they don't want to hear from Ally the popstar- they want to hear from Ally Maine, the strong wife of a troubled man. They want to see the two of you unite. They want a love story that rises above the odds," Rez's smile faded as he inspected Ally's face. "What's wrong?"

"Jack hasn't spoken to me since he was hospitalized," Ally stared off coldly, then moved abruptly. She stormed toward the counter, snatching a pack of cigarettes off the counter. Rez moved after her, confusion swirling through his mind.

"What do you mean he hasn't spoken to you?" Rez asked as the two of them stepped through the front door to outside.

"I mean he hasn't spoken to me Rez. No 'I love you's, not so much as a ring on the phone. He blocked me from visiting him in treatment. I've considered filing divorce papers but I don't want to be the one to do it first. I don't want to lose him, but he wants to be lost, so what can I do about that," Ally lit her cigarette and laughed; not out of humor, but frustration. "The world wants to see us unite but it isn't going to happen. Not unless they find a way to get through to the most stubborn man in America," she glanced over at Rez, who stood with his mouth agape. "I'm sorry."

"I can fix this," Rez shook his head, determination tightening his jaw.

"Good fucking luck," Ally puffed on her cigarette. "Even Bobby couldn't break through, and he fucking hates you, so good fucking luck," she shrugged, tears biting at her eyes. "I think you should go."

"I won't let you down, Ally. I can fix this."

"If it helps, I can't possibly be any more let down than I already am."

Rez studied her carefully, then turned on his heel and walked away. His phone was out immediately and Ally chuckled at the sight. He thought he could fix everything with that cell phone- always had.

Tears were streaming down her cheeks long before she'd realized. A long rod of ash sat at the end of her cigarette, so she dropped it and stomped it out. She pulled out another with ease, and felt her fingers knock against the bottle in her pocket. With one hand she lit up her cigarette, with the other she fished out the bottle. For a lingering moment she glared at the bottle, then twisted it open and shook some pills into her hand.

The pills slid down her throat easily, and a comfort washed over her. Clearly, the feeling was placebo, but she knew the true relaxation would set in soon. She sat on the bench beside the door, gazing off into the treeline as she puffed on her cigarette.

"Ally? You coming in soon?" her father spoke softly from the door. She hadn't heard it open.

"In a moment," she replied, and she tilted her head back in tranquil ecstasy.

xxx

A/N: It's a short one, sorry it's late y'all! This chapter has actually been done since before the story was ever published, but I left my computer with the doc on it in my boyfriend's car lol

Next chapters coming soon <3