Pillow Talk

Chapter 4

Chapter 4

I woke up the next morning alone. That wasn't anything out of the ordinary. I don't move to get out of bed. All that keeps running through my mind is that I killed Chris. I killed me ex. I turn over and start crying again into my pillow. I hear a knock on the door but I don't respond. The door opens and Venus walks in with a plate and a cup of coffee. "Good morning Sister. I brought you some coffee and some breakfast." she says. I sit up and turn to her. "Thanks Venus but I'm not very hungry." I tell her taking the coffee and taking a sip. "How are you feeling?" she asked me. "I don't know. Scared. Confused. Sad." I tell her honestly. "Look, I have been where you are. When I first met Alexander, my mother had custody of my son. She was a rather unsavory person and I was trying to get my Joey away from her. The boys helped me. My mother met a very untimely death at the hands of Jackson but it was much deserved." she tells me. "I had trouble dealing with it because she was killed right in front of me. It's not something that you get over easily." she tells me. "I keep telling myself that it was self defense, because it was. But there's something else bothering me." I tell her. "Would it have anything to do with the SON I saw sneaking out of your room this morning?" she asked. "Yeah. He acts like he hates me one minute and as soon as something happens, not only does he come help but knowing how I handle things, he laid down with me to help me sleep. I was laying here thinking about it and, you know, after I lost the baby, and even now, he has never once said the baby wasn't his?" She pulls me into a hug and says "Sister, men are a confusing creature. They don't feel that they are worthy of a woman's love. It took me forever to convince your brother that he was worth it." she told me. We talked a little longer and she left me to rest.

A couple of hours later, I got up and headed to the main room. I sit at the bar and Rat is manning the bar. "Rat, can I get a coffee please?" I asked. "Sure." he says and gets my coffee. I am sitting there in silence and Rane comes to sit beside me. "How you holding up little sister?" I smile at him and say "I have no idea. Part of me is okay with it and another part of me is scared shitless. I close my eyes and still see him choking me." I tell him. "Well, you did good. You remembered where the gun was hidden and you did what you had to do to protect yourself." he says. "How long do we have to stay here?" I asked. "We can go home tomorrow." he tells me before kissing the top of my head and walking away.

That night, we are all sitting around the clubhouse and I decided if I was stuck there for the night, I was getting drunk. Maybe passing out might help me get some rest. I asked for a shot of Patron. Rat is manning the bar still and I tell him to keep them coming. When Piney was still alive, we would spend hours just laughing and doing shots together. It was times like this that I missed Piney. Four shots in and my brother walks over. "You okay Kiddo?" I just hold shot number five up and say "Never better Bubby." I down the shot and Xander sits down next to me and starts taking shots too. Next thing I know, I am seven shots in and Happy and Quinn are taking shots with us. I hold up a shot and say "To all of our brothers, uncles, mothers and fathers that have fallen. Most of all to Piney who without him I never would have touched this shit." I say and they all cheer and we down another shot.

About one in the morning, I turn to look at everyone and see most are passed out. I get up to head to my room when I realized that I am more intoxicated than I thought that I was. I feel someone pick me up and I look up and see it's Happy. Of course it's Happy. He takes me to my room and puts me on the bed. Taking off my shoes and jeans, he starts taking his off and lays in the bed with me. I realize this and ask "What are you doing?" He covers us up and says "My room's taken." I turn over on my side, facing away from him, and move towards the wall. I hear him laugh and he puts his arm around me and pulls me to him. I try to move away from him and he tightens his hold on me. "Where are you going?" he asked. "You can sleep in here but that doesn't mean you have to touch me." I say. He laughs and pulls me back against him again and says "Night little girl." I sigh, giving up, "Night Hap."

I wake up the next morning and surprisingly he is still next to me but he's still facing me and I am facing him and snuggled into his chest. I always loved being in his arms but what the hell was going on. He wakes up and pulls me closer, if that was even possible, and kisses the top of my head. "Morning." He says. "Morning." I say. We lay a few more minutes and I asked "Hap, what are we doing?" He looks at me and says, "Mira, I fucked up. I know I did. When you lost the kid, it made me start thinking about shit. I was gonna be a dad which meant that there would be a target on your back and the kid's." he says. "Hap, I already have a target because of my brother." I say. "I know. I just thought that I was protecting you." he says. I sit up a little and ask "Where do we go from here?" He pulls me down to kiss him and says "I don't know." he says. I pull away from him. "Until you figure that out, I can't keep doing this. I can't keep sleeping next to you not knowing what the hell we are getting into." I say. "Come here." he says and pulls me back to him. "You're my girl. I won't let you go again." he says. I snuggle into him and hope he means it this time.