Diary of a Dalek

Entry 7: June 28,2012.

The Dalek's point of view.

About ten minutes after the girl, Rose I believe he had called her, went into the TARDIS, The Doctor came out. His face was unreadable. I couldn't tell if he was mad, hurt, or just annoyed. He moved to the side so Rose could stand beside him. His chin slightly high, as if he was saying 'don't mess with me, I'm already not wanted to do this.'

“If I could help you, what would you want to do with yourself?” he asked. No emotion or anything really to his voice.

His question was hard to answer. What did I want to do with myself? I could always self destruct and that would probably be the best thing to do. Knowing that I wouldn't hurt another living thing, or do any damage. Though I really don't want to die either. I had never feared death before.....partly because I didn't have that emotion, but the point still stands. I don't really want to die.

I didn't want to die, and I didn't want to hurt any other thing. What else could there be though? I thought about seeing if I could change back, but I didn't want to go back to that horrible life again. If I didn't remember though, that might be something I could actually do.....

“Could you possible change me back to the way I was?” I asked not meeting his eyes. I could tell he was giving me a hard look, and I couldn't take it. I also heard Rose sigh, like she knew I wanted that, or that she was afraid that I wanted that.

“I could probably yeah, but that's not something that I'm going to do.” he replied.

I looked at him, confused. “Why not?” I asked him.

“I'm not helping a killing machine get normal so it can go kill more innocent people.” His voice was cold as ice, but he did have a point.

I looked back at the ground, trying to think of what I could do. There might be a way that I could figure a way out and try and help others, that was something I had thought of before too. Though being a Dalek and all, there's not much that I could do.

“Is there anywhere I could help people?” I asked.

“What do you mean?” he asked.

“Like somewhere I could help people. I don't want to be hurting anymore people Doctor. Somewhere I could be of use, or anything that would give me a propose?”

He thought about this a long time. I was afraid he was going to say no, because if he said no. I would say then just leave and I'll self destruct. Why live if there's nothing you can live for? Why try and move on, if you have nothing to move on for. If there wasn't going to be something that would give me a reason to live, then I didn't want to live anymore. Simple as that.

“To be completely honest, I have no idea.” that was his reply. It sounded as if there might be a tiny little glimpse of hope, but things were crashing to the ground rapidly.

“So I have no reason to live?” I asked.

“I really dunno.” he told me.

“We could try and find something yeah?” Rose asked The Doctor. He turned to her.

“What?” he asked her.

“We could try and find somewhere where he could help? Give him a propose?” she asked.

It took him a few to think about if he wanted to or not, and my hope was almost gone. I understood why The Doctor didn't want to help, and I don't blame him at all. I might have done the same thing in his place. Though I wish he might think of it in my point of view, then maybe he might understand me as well. That was highly unlikely though.

“I don't want that thing in my TARDIS. I don't trust it.” he said, with the same cold voice as before.

“Okay.....what if we went to go look for something, and then he can stay here till we come back? Is that alright with you? If you leave and then come back? Would you mind staying here for a while?” she asked me. I looked up at her.

“No I don't mind.” I told her. She smiled.

“What about you Doctor, do you mind doing that?” she asked him.

Once again it took him a while to answer her. I think he might have been having either a hard time with what was at hand, or if he was having an argument with himself. Both of those were a great possibility. He finally looked up from the ground that he had been having a stare contest with, and turned to the girl again. He gave the slightest nod. I was relieved.

The Doctor said a few things to Rose then went back inside the TARDIS. Rose smiled at me, and if I could smile I would have been smiling as well. I was so thankful of her.

“Thank you.” I told her.

All she did was smile even wider and nodded slightly. She walked back into the TARDIS and shut the door behind her, and I got to see the big blue box disappear. Though they said that they were going to come back, I couldn't help the panic feeling that what if they didn't?