For Your Eyes Only

Chapter 19

Parker POV
      I wake up feeling more rested than I have in weeks. I turn over and see Harry curled around his pillow looking like a sweet sleeping angel. The guy really makes me sick. Even when he was half dead he was still sexy as fuck. I get out of bed and go start breakfast.
    Cooking reminds me of the routine from home. It makes me feel normal. Niall is the first one up. He comes into the kitchen rubbing his eyes while saying "Is there any better smell than bacon in the morning?"
    I laugh and say "No I don't think there is."
   He pours himself a cup of coffee and sits at the bar. He grabs a couple pieces of bacon and pops them in his mouth. They are still hot so he has to blow air through his cheeks to keep them from burning.
     I can't help but laugh and say "Harper does the same thing. Don't you guys see that stuff is hot when you touch it?"
     A look of sadness comes over Niall's face when I mention Harper. After a moment he ask "Do you know why she won't talk to me? Did I do something wrong?" I can hear the pleading in his voice.
     Normally I wouldn't talk about Harper's personal business but I feel like Niall needs to know. "Honestly, the fact that she is pushing you away shows how much she cares about you. I've known Harper since we were five; we've done everything together. Every single time a guy came along that she thought she could really fall for she ran away. Now if a guy treats her like shit she falls all over herself to get to him. I don't know why she does it. I guess she's just afraid of having something real because that's just something else to lose one day."
     Niall takes all this in and finally says "That sounds a lot like Tom..." he clears his throat and finishes "Tom my friend Tom."
    I look at Niall and he won't meet my eyes. I slam my hand on the counter and whisper yell "You've been talking to Louis. You know where he's at don't you?"
     Niall looks out the window and tries to act like he didn't hear what I said when we both hear Liam walk in.
      "Good morning all" he says. Then he senses something is off between Niall and I and ask "Am I missing something here or are you too just playing a weird version of the staring game?"
     I look at Liam and say "Niall has been talking to Louis and knows where he's at."
   Niall looks like I slapped him but at this moment I don't care. The only thing that matters is finding Louis. I think he may be the only person to really bring Harry into the right head space to start his recovery. 
    Liam looks at Niall and simply says "Where is he?"
    Niall looks down at his coffee cup and says a street address I obviously don't recognize. All I hear after that is Liam getting car keys out of the drawer and asking if I was coming with him. I didn't hesitate even though I was still in my pajamas. 
    It only took about three to five minutes to get from the house we are staying at to the house Louis is at.
    When Louis answers the door the first thing he says is "What did you do to Niall to make him tell you where I am?" Secondly he ask"Is Harry ok?"
      I can tell he hates asking. He hates showing how much he really cares. I think about telling him to go find out for himself but decide picking a fight right now isnt the best idea. I simply say "He misses you and I think if you'd come see him it would help out a lot."
    Louis walks away without inviting us in but we follow him anyways. I hear him say "I can't go see Harry."
     "Why not? What are you so afraid of Louis? Would it really be so bad if the world found out you are gay? Your closest family and friends know. Why is everyone else a problem?"
     I know I've went too far when Louis turns around and he is so mad that his eyes have dilated and I can no longer see the blue parts of them. He literally screams at the top of his lungs "What am I afraid of? What could happen if the world found out? Well I don't know where you have been but Harry was shot! He was fucking shot and left for dead for being a supporter of gay people. He isn't even out and he's already been shot. Who's to say someone won't try again and succeed? What am I afraid of? I'm afraid that if we come out someone will come after Harry again. I can't lose him. I'd rather him hate me and be miserable in this world rather than dead. As long as he's alive we have hope for a future but if he's dead then there is nothing left for me." He clears his throat and continues "Also what if we lose everything? Most of our fans only like us because they like to imagine us as their boyfriends. If we come out and they leave we lose everything, and not just us Liam and Niall depend on One Direction just as much as Harry and I. Then there is Lou our stylist, all the roadies, body guards, the band, the label, our families. If Harry and I came out hundreds of people would suffer directly. I can't have that responsibility over my head. I can't take away so many people's livelihoods just so I can kiss Harry in public. I want to. You have no fucking idea how badly I want to tell everyone; to be able to be with him and not have to hide. But I can't, I just can't. Harry would hate himself and me eventually. The strain from knowing we hurt that many people would tear us apart. So I stay away because even if we're miserable now I can still have hope, but if he's dead or resents me for hurting others then I have nothing."         
      Louis has stopped yelling and started crying. I am at a loss for words. I had spent so much time thinking he was a dick head just playing with Harry's emotions for some unknown reason. Now that I know the truth I feel the need to apologize. I had never even tried to see it from his position. I stand up to leave but I have one more question "Louis what's the point of keeping hope if you never make a move to get what you want?"
We leave Louis' and head back to the house. Liam is really quite; in fact I don't think he's said a word the whole time. I look at him and see the strain in his face. "Are you Alright?" I ask.
"No not really. I don't like seeing people I care about upset or in pain. I don't like not being able to fix it. I always knew about Harry and Louis I mean they tried to hide for a while but it was written all over their faces most of the time. I just thought they wanted to keep everything secret because they liked the attention of fans. They liked leaving clues and making it into a game. I never saw how much would actually be affected if they came out. I never knew I was one of the reasons they can't be together." He stopped there like the words actually hurt too much coming out of his mouth.
I look at him and say "You can't blame yourself. It's not like you wouldn't change
it if you could." I know it sounds lame but right now it's the best I have.
We get back to the house and I'm surprised to see Harry outside by the pool. I didn't even know this place had a pool till now. He's laying on his stomach on a towel and I can't tell if he's asleep or not. I walk outside and straddle his waist and sit on top of his butt.
Without opening his eyes he says "Niall you aren't gay quit trying to experiment!"
I almost fall over laughing and about go head first into the pool but Harry puts his good arm up and catches me. He rolls over into his back and I am now sitting on top of a very different part of his anatomy. I know I should probably move but he doesn't seem to mind and neither do I. We sit and talk for a minute until the real Niall comes and jumps in the pool. He cannon balls not three feet away from us and my clothes are soaked through from the splash. I dive in after him determined to make him pay but he is too fast. Harry stays on the side with his legs dangling in the water laughing at us. I give up after a few minutes and go in to change.
Harry POV
I woke up to Parker and Liam gone. I ask Niall where they are and he plays dumb which means something is definitely going on. I don't worry about it too much. I'm sure it has something to do with my recovery which means they will tell me about it eventually. Everyone around me is so focused on me getting better that I almost feel like a test animal in a cage somewhere. Everyone trying to figure out the proper diet, exercise, rest routine that will yield the best results. I have spent the last almost ten years of my life with people watching my every move but this took it to a whole new level.
I was just ready to feel like me again. I decide to go sit by the pool. I don't actually get in because I'm not sure if I'll be able to keep myself up with just one arm. The sun feels good on my back and I must have fallen asleep. I wake up to Parker sitting on top of me. I feel the moment could use a good joke but I didn't think it would make her almost fall into the pool. I love how she always laughs at my jokes even the ones that I know are horrible.
Watching her and Niall play in the pool reminds me of a time when things were so much simpler. We could just be lads having fun doing whatever we wanted. We didn't have to think about careers being destroyed or our families being hurt. Sometimes I wish we could go back before Louis ever kissed me the first time. If we had never started this I wonder where we would be. Would we be with other people? Would we be happier? No. I think even
if he had not kissed me that night; it would have been another night. Maybe I would have worked up the nerve to kiss him first. Somehow we would have found our way to each other's. That's what happens when you're meant to be with someone.
     I look up and see Harper getting out of the pool threatening to make Niall pay. I'm sure I don't want to miss that moment. Parker is a woman of her word and she's scary smart, I'm sure whatever revenge she comes up with will be brilliant. Niall swims over to me and I say "You are in so much trouble my man." I can't help the laugh pops out.
     Niall looks at me and says "Its good to hear to you laugh again mate. You had us worried we'd never hear it again."
   "I know. I'm trying to have a better attitude but it's so hard when it's all I have to occupy my time. I don't think I can stomach another Netflix movie right now and I've read every book worth reading in the house."
     "Let's go out then. Let's get Liam and have a lads night out like we used to." Niall says.
    "I don't know about all that. I don't know if I'm ready. What about Parker I don't think she would enjoy a lads night." I say.
      Niall give me a look like get grip "Parker would love a lads night but she's not invited. Tonight me you and Payno are going out. I will drag you out if I have to."
    I have to admit a night out doesn't sound too bad. Maybe it will be the thing I need to make me feel normal again.
Parker POV
     The boys have went out and I have the house to myself. Within about five minutes I'm bored out of my mind. I text Harper but she doesn't answer. I thought about going swimming but nights here get really chilly. I finally call the last person I figure wants to talk to me but I'm desperate. Louis actually answers and I hear the fear in his voice when he says "Hello!"
     I tell him nothing is wrong before he even ask and explain my situation. Since we're sure the guys will be gone most of the night he agrees to come over.
     He gets there and comes in without knocking. I take him to the kitchen and say "I have no idea how to make tea but I think there is some in the cabinet if you want some." He sets about making the tea and we just sit in silence.
     While he waits for the water to get hot he ask "So why did you call me exactly?"
    I shrug and say "I don't know. I didn't want to be alone I guess. I thought maybe you have been alone enough to."
    He shakes his head and replies "Yeah sometimes it's great. You know being alone getting to do what you want when you want. Then other times it really fucking sucks. You start talking to yourself just to hear a voice." He looks a little shy at the last statement like I may think he's crazy or something.
     I just shake my head in agreement and say "I think we've all been there." I go a bit further with "You know you can always stay here. Being with Harry isn't a requirement. I mean with me and the other two boys here it hardly looks like a romantic get away."  I can see he is starting to get angry but I keep going. "I'm not trying to make you mad or make you do something you don't want to; but I think it could be good for the both of you. I mean when you go out on tour again you'll be around each other. You'll be confined to a bus with no escape for days. Don't you think it would be better to ease into that than to go from no contact to every minute of every day contact."
     He has a thoughtful look on his face as he considers my words. I think he's about to say something when we hear a loud noise coming from the front door. We reach the living room
just in time to see Liam drop an obviously drunk Harry onto the couch.
   "What happened?" Louis ask before I have the chance.
   Niall is the one to answer since Liam is a little out of breath from carrying Harry so far. "The bugger insisted on having a pint with us and he's bloody wasted. Off of one pint I can't believe it."
    It's my turn to talk "It's his pain meds, he's not supposed to drink with them."
    I go get a trash can from the bathroom; I know even the smallest amount of alcohol will not mix well with Harry's pills. Unfortunately I wasn't quick enough and he's already thrown up all over the floor.
     I look at Niall and say "You took him out; you clean it up."
     Louis gets Harry up and walks him up the stairs to his room. I follow with the trash can. Once it's set beside the bed a get a bowl of cold water to set on the night stand with a cloth for his forehead, and a bottle of aspirin for when he wakes up. I put the cold cloth on Harry's face and he wakes up a little bit.
    He looks at me and says "I'm really drunk. I'm so drunk I thought I saw Louis. I really miss Lou. If you see Louis will you tell him I love him." With that last statement he falls back asleep.
       I turn to look at Louis who is standing right inside the bathroom door where Harry couldn't see him. I look him in the eyes and say "You heard but what are you going to do with it." I leave to go sleep in my room for the first time since I've been here and leave Louis to stay with Harry.