Guy Next Door

18

"Has Sam said anything about me?" I ask Carla after we walk out of kindergarten.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean does he talk about me?"

She silent for a while, doesn't understand what I'm asking or why I'm asking. "Did you know Riley and I played in the castle today?"

"I did not know that" I chuckle. I hear about Carla's new best friend Riley quite a lot. Apparently it's nearly impossible to separate them. "Did you have a fun day today?"

And the rest of our walk Carla, in detail, explains what happened during the day. I don't need to say much for her to keep going, she loves talking about things at kindergarten. Sometimes it doesn't make sense or she mentions someone I don't know. Mostly, I enjoy listening to her stories.

Today's Wednesday meaning I'll be having to take care of Carla to around nine. Meaning I'll have to eat with Sam unless he isn't there.

He usually is though.

I'm just going to say how it is. That I'm one hell of a stupid bitch.

For a while I play with Carla downstairs. Then I decide to study, math test is coming real close and, as has been said, I'm one stupid bitch.

Vivian has prepared a lasagna, that woman won't stop preparing food for me. She doesn't have to. I'm ashamed I still don't know where things in the kitchen are but, in my defense, Vivian won't let me cook things.

She's probably thinking I'm saying I want to cook to be polite but I'm serious. After a while of studying I look up. "Carla, are you hungry?"

"A bit."

"Good, go tell your brother there's dinner in about twenty-five minutes."

I put on the oven and watch her make her way to the hall, hear her slowly walk up the stairs and open the door. 

I put the lasagna in the oven and lean against the counter, hearing someone come down and it isn't Carla. Sam walks into the kitchen.

"Hi" I say awkwardly.

"Hi."

"I'm sorry I just ran out of there" I nod to the direction of his room. "I'm a dumb fuck. I was sad, you comforted me and I shouldn't have kissed you."

"It's okay."

"For a solid moment, I thought I had ruined everything. I don't want to lose our friendship."

"Well, I'm not letting it disappear if you don't."

I jump up on the counter, only then realizing it's on the spot where Jeremy kissed me. "I won't."

"Good."

"I talked to Luna about things, I told them I was sad and she made me feel better. Maybe I should stop thinking everyone I know wants me to feel ashamed. I should trust that they're going to be supportive and help."

"Yeah" he says and walks to the cupboard to set the table. 

"I'm still seeing myself as an idiot but I'm getting over it" I chuckle for myself at how pathetic I am.

"And I'm not seeing you as one" he smiles. "but I'm glad you're okay."

"Can you like warn me if Jeremy is coming over here?" I ask as he puts down the last fork.

"He probably won't be here as often" he answer as if it's not a big deal at all.

"He won't?" I press my eyebrows together. "You're cutting him off?"