Guy Next Door

44

I had to change the cheats in Luna's bed and when I had done that, I lied back down in Luna's bed thinking about what happened.

I don't regret it but I regret making Sam feel bad. I shouldn't have cried but I can't stop crying. I know I said it was going to be the last time. The closure. But it was a dumb thought, it was lies coming out of my mouth.

I just knew I needed him. 

And now that is over.

It wasn't a goodbye, it wasn't a closure. I just needed to know he cared. Which is stupid now that I think back at it. 

I used him, I told him to let it out but it wasn't fair. I took advantage of his instability and convinced him even though he didn't want it.

I made it harder for him to let go.

It's selfish of me, but I don't want him to. 

I want him to come back around and realize that as long as we're together we can get through it. And not the other way around. Because without him I'm lost.

After a long time of thinking, I fall asleep.

I wake up when Luna gets home and opens the door. "What are you doing here?"

"I fell in the corridor, I was so tired I couldn't think" I say.

"Sorry for waking you up" she sits down on the edge of the bed where Sam was crying earlier. "But how did you make it home then? You could've called me."

"Sam drove me here" I say quickly and her head turns to me.

"Sam?"

Thinking back at it again, guilt is forming in my heart. "It was stupid."

"What was stupid? You clearly needed help, you should be thankful he was nice enough to do it, instead of avoiding you."

He cared and I was selfish. "We had sex."

"What?" she stands up. "Why? Oh my god, please tell me you didn't do it in my bed!"

I make a grimace. "I changed the sheets."

"Ilah! Nooo!"

"It was stupid. I feel like I forced him into it" I take one of her pillows and hug it.

She sits back down. "Maybe having sex isn't the best thing when you've broken up. A couple of emotions too many."

"I want to apologize to him. He probably hates me now."

"What did you do that was so bad?"

I take a deep breath. "I told him I needed to do it for closure, knowing damn well I only did it because I want him. And he said it was a dumb idea but I just said he could let it all out. But we only salted the wounds and he realized afterwards how, I don't know, what feelings he had been suppressing maybe."

"It was a dumb idea but maybe he'll realize how much he cares about you" Luna puts a hand on my knee.

"Or he'll hate me forever" I grumble.

Luna shakes her head. "You know that thought is not true. He made a choice, if he hates someone, it's himself."

"That's even worse!" I whine. 

She sighs. "I'd like to pray Vivian is fixing this. Aren't you?"

"Dad is still the one who has to choose to change his mind."

Luna's quiet for a while, thinking. "In my opinion, he overreacted. None of you are related, if you don't make it weird it will be fine. If your dad stops making the whole thing a huge deal, it won't be one."