I Fell In Love, But It Wasn't Mine To Have

11

Tsukiyama curled up on a soft couch, dazed, not really aware of anything, shivering and staring into space. Uta draped a blanket over him, then sat in a chair, looking at him every so often, obviously not sure what to do. The Renji ghoul had left the room, and the scent of coffee filled the air, so Tsukiyama assumed the barista was doing what he did best. Shuu remembered him from Anteiku, but had never really interacted with him much. Uta sat with him quietly, as the minutes stretched by. Shuu's gaze roamed around the room. Black and white tiled floor, mismatched furniture, masks in various stages of completion scattered about.
Tsukiyama wondered why they had brought him here. Did they want to hurt him?
He didn't think so. Neither ghoul had tried to touch him more than they'd had to, and were giving him plenty of breathing room. Still. He had to stay alert. But that was a bit difficult, as his earlier crying session had left him drained and utterly exhausted. He swallowed, throat aching dully.
Renji reappeared, carrying a tray with three cups, and a plate. The scent of coffee grew stronger, along with the smell of fresh meat, and despite himself, his stomach clenched in hunger. Renji handed Uta a mug of coffee, setting one aside for himself before offering the tray to Shuu, coaxing him to sit up. Tsukiyama took it with shaking hands, stomach growling.

He hesitated before he picked up the fork. Why were they feeding him? Did they want sex, after all? He had come to associate sex with food. Renji noticed him pause. "Are you alright, Tsukiyama?"

The gourmet hesitated, then nodded silently, picking up the fork. He tried not to groan when the flesh entered his mouth, the burst of flavor making him shiver with pleasure before he began eating in earnest. The other two ghouls watched him over the rims of their cups, looking worried.
In minutes, Tsukiyama had finished the plate of food, turning his attention to the coffee.
It was good, just like he remembered. The memories made him tremble. Had it really been so long since he'd had coffee like this? "Are you full? Do you want any more?" Uta asked him, and Shuu shook his head. He managed a quiet, "Thank you."
"Of course," Renji replied. He set his coffee down, leaning forward with furrowed brows. Tsukiyama knew what was coming.
"Where have you been, Tsukiyama?"

*******"I'm going........ out," Uta said, voice dull and flat, eyes cold. Tsukiyama flinched back, fear creeping over him as he looked at the mask maker with wide eyes.
Uta slipped on his bird-like mask, leaving the room without another word or backwards glance. Renji sat in his chair, hands in fists, face white and mouth set in a tight line.
Tsukiyama trembled, nausea filling him. He had just finished telling both ghouls what had happened to him. It had taken 9 hours, during which none of them had moved except to use the bathroom. Tsukiyama had cried, and thrown up more than a few times retelling his tale. He had tried to shut down, but Uta and Renji coaxed him into talking, pushing at his defences, not letting him curl into himself and hide. They had gone through several pots of coffee, and a box of tissues. Finally, it was over, and he had sobbed into Uta's chest as the mask maker rocked him and soothed him, the scent of chocolate enveloping him as the other had whispered gently to him. It felt good, to have finally laid everything bare, but Tsukiyama was also scared because.....what happened now? Would his family hate him? What would the others say? He couldn't live with himself if they found out what had happened. Would they laugh? Call him pathetic? Sure, Renji and Uta hadn't. But the mask maker had left, probably so he didn't have to look at Tsukiyama's disgusting self. He didn't realize he was hyperventilating until Renji sat beside him, pulling him close.

"Hey. Breathe. Breathe."

Shuu tried, but he felt as if he didn't have enough air, tears pricking at his eyes, chest tight, lungs feeling too small. Renji held him, uttering reassurances, running a hand through Tsukiyama's hair, the feeling soothing. Before he knew it, the gourmet had fallen asleep._______Tsukiyama woke up, groggy, not sure where he was, hearing voices talking softly. He was laying on something soft, and warm, that smelled like roasted almonds. He snuggled deeper into the object, eyes heavy. The voices paused. "I think he's awake," Tsukiyama's pillow said calmly. Shuu sat up, face burning. Renji gave him a bemused look. "Good morning, Tsukiyama."
Uta chuckled, chewing wetly on something from across the room. The smell of ghoul blood hung heavy, the scent familiar. Shuu froze, eyes huge, heart beginning to speed up.
He knew those smells, saw narrow grey eyes and a sneer, felt a wet tongue----
He whimpered, trembling. "Dammit, Uta, take a shower." Renji snapped, pulling Tsukiyama halfway on his lap, rubbing his back soothingly.

"Shit. Sorry." A thump, then a creak of a chair as the mask maker got up. He paused in front of Tsukiyama. "Hey, Shuu. You don't have to worry. Those fuckers aren't ever going to hurt you, or anyone else, ever again."

Uta was covered in blood, face smeared in it, kakugan burning brightly, fierce. It struck Tsukiyama then. Uta had killed them. Riku, Yuki.....he'd killed them. His trembling stilled.
"Thank you," Tsukiyama whispered, eyes welling. Uta fingers brushed his cheek, then the mask maker turned, padding out of the room quietly. Shuu stared after him, blinking away tears. It really was over. All of it. Renji continued to stroke his back as he cried softly.
Finally, Shuu rubbed his eyes. "'M sorry. I messed up your coat, and---" "It's fine. I can wash it," Renji replied, a smile in his voice.

"I........."Tsukiyama didn't know how he could repay the two ghouls for helping him. He shifted, aware that he probably smelled bad, needed a shower.
"Do you want coffee?" Renji asked. Tsukiyama slipped off his lap. "Yes, please. Do you---"
"I'll get it," Renji said gently, getting to his feet. "Just relax, okay?"
Shuu nodded, words stuck in his throat as gratefulness overwhelmed him.
From the other room, Uta yelled, "Hey! Make me some too!"
Tsukiyama laughed a little, suddenly feeling like things were finally going to get better.