I Fell In Love, But It Wasn't Mine To Have

12

>1 year later<

Tsukiyama sat up, heart slamming in his chest, looking around frantically. The room was dark, and quiet. Beside him, Uta shifted, sitting up next to the gourmet.
He hugged him, cool arms sliding around his hot form, chin resting on his shoulder. "You alright, Shuu?"
Tsukiyama took a deep breath as the mask maker kissed his shoulder, lip piercing brushing his skin and making him shiver. "O-Oui. Just a nightmare."
He still had them, every so often. They had been less frequent, just wisps of memories, but on some nights, like tonight, they came back in full force, knocking the breath from his lungs, drowning him in emotions and sensations. Uta made a quiet noise of understanding, grip tightening, and Shuu leaned back into him, closing his eyes and listening to the other's heart and steady breathing. He was so glad he was here with him. Sometimes he felt like he didn't deserve him at all. >flashback< It had been a long, hard journey to recovery. Tsukiyama had stayed with Uta, the mask maker refusing to let him go back to the home he'd made with the other prostitutes. He'd bought him clothes, fed him, held him when he had an episode, listened when he needed to get it all out. He had reluctantly agreed to train with him, not using his kagune. Tsukiyama's koukaku was still useless. The only thing it was able to do was help heal him.

Tsukiyama had felt pathetic, and frustrated, and fallen into a deep depression. Uta had been there through it, let Tsukiyama hit him, yell at him when he dragged him from his bed to take a shower. Let him cry in his arms, forced food down his throat when he refused to eat.
Baby steps, Uta told him. Baby steps, when he was so frustrated that he screamed and tore at himself, rage and fear and pain overwhelming him.
Renji was over often, talking to Shuu, telling him news about his old comrades and friends. During his absence, a lot had happened. Ghouls and humans now coexisted peacefully for the most part. Kaneki had almost single-handedly created a world where everyone could live.

"He married Touka," Renji told him one day, as Tsukiyama was reading a book. It was one by Takatsuki, one of his favorites. Shuu had looked up, not surprised in the least.

He'd figured that the two would end up together. "They have a daughter. Ichika. She's the sweetest thing," Renji informed him, then hesitated. "Maybe one day, you could meet her. When you're ready."

"Maybe," Shuu had murmured, eyes back on his novel.

Neither Renji or Uta pressured him into seeing the others from before, let him take things at his own pace patiently. Tsukiyama had been grateful. For a long time, he hadn't wanted to see them, scared of what they would say when they saw him. But finally, with Uta's help, he began meeting up with them, always in the HySy studio. It was Nico and Itori first. "Hey, Tsukiyama-san," Itori had gushed, squeezing the breath out of him with a hug. The man had hung back, looking guilty. He had been one of the ghouls who'd fucked him over when Shuu had been a prostitute.
"I'm sorry," Nico had said, barely able to meet Shuu's eyes.
The gourmet had forgiven him with a nod.
Then it had been Nishiki and Kimi, both of them giving him awkward hugs. Tsukiyama didn't tell them what had happened. The only ones who knew were Uta and Renji. Nico and Itori knew some of it, but not all. Tsukiyama made more and more progress as the months went by. During that time, the gourmet had found himself falling for a certain mask maker. Tsukiyama developed a crush on Uta slowly, blushing when they touched, getting flustered when they were together. Just like he was a teen and not a man almost 30.

Uta, for his part, hadn't seemed to notice. One day, while Tsukiyama had had to go to the bathroom. He'd walked in without knocking, thinking that Uta was up front, working. He hadn't been. Instead, a very naked Uta had just gotten out of the shower. Tsukiyama's eyes had caught it all in a heartbeat before he'd turned tomato red, spluttering and apologizing, backing out of the bathroom. Uta was covered in tattoos, arms and shoulders and back and legs. He was lean and muscular, the sharp edges of his body making Tsukiyama's mouth water. That night, he'd stifled his moans as he jerked himself off, thinking of Uta's body, wondering what it would be like to get pinned down and fucked hard by the other ghoul. It wasn't the last time he masturbated to thoughts of Uta, either. Once, he'd almost been caught fingering himself, yelping at the last second that he was in the bathroom before Uta could walk in. Tsukiyama had been ashamed, feeling disgusting over fantasizing over a man who'd saved him, and probably had zero interest in him anyway. He had been wrong. Shuu had quickly gotten a job at the new Anteiku, version three, with Renji's help. He worked hard, and used his money to assist Uta in paying Hysy's bills. The mask maker had protested at first, but Shuu had insisted.
Weeks passed.
He'd been with Uta for about 7 months, and was steadily getting used to life. He still hadn't met up with Kaneki and Touka, or the rest of the group. It had been just him and Uta at HySy, as it was Shuu's day off, and Uta hadn't had any work to do. Tsukiyama had been reading when it happened. He had looked up, smiling when Uta stopped in front of the couch, in Shuu's space. "Oh, hey, Uta. Do you need any----"
A warm mouth on his cut him off, shocking him. Uta kissed him chastely, then pulled back when Tsukiyama tensed, face flushing. "Shit, shit. I'm sorry, Shuu. I didn't---I wasn't thinking. I shouldn't have---" This time, Shuu cut him off, kissing him enthusiastically, now recovered from his previous shock, ridiculously happy. He didn't know when he'd been more happy, really.
Uta had kissed him back, hands cradling the gourmet's face gently, lips warm and gentle.
He'd pulled away when Shuu tried to deepen the kiss, earning a whine. The mask maker chuckled, kissing hi nose. "Easy. We can take this slow." He hesitated. "Assuming that...that you want to....be....." Tsukiyama had understood, and nodded, nuzzling the other's palm contentedly before returning to his book, Uta now pressed against his side.

Three more months passed. Tsukiyama had been doing excellent at his job, had finally agreed to see Kaneki and Touka (tears abounded on both sides, and tight hugs) and met their daughter, the cutest thing ever. He had put many flowers all over HySy, contrasting completely with the dark interior.
Uta hadn't minded, not caring as long as it made Shuu happy. Their relationship progressed slowly, starting with hand holding, then kisses, and dates, and whispered words. Tsukiyama set the pace, Uta gently taking over when the gourmet moved too quickly for himself.
Then it had gotten more physical, with Uta jerking Tsukiyama off, sucking his dick, fingering him, eating him out. Shuu's pleasure came before his. But Shuu quickly began to give Uta the same treatment, much to Uta's delight. They had many, many make out sessions, and just as many cuddle sessions. Tsukiyama figured out Uta's kinks, and took note, building up to the final step.

It happened after Uta had had a long day at work. Tsukiyama had gotten home early, greeting the mask maker with a kiss. He'd waited till Uta went to the kitchen to get coffee, then started his plans for the evening. It had ended with Uta kissing hungrily at his mouth, clothes quickly landing on the floor, their hands claiming every inch of each other's skin. Despite that, Uta had been slow, and sweet, stretching Tsukiyama thoroughly, asking him if it was alright, stroking his dick as he filled him to the brim inch by inch. Tsukiyama would never forget that night of bliss.
Giving himself completely to his boyfriend, letting him mark him as his alone.
Since then, Tsukiyama had had it every way. Over a counter, on the bed, in the shower.....sweet and slow, hard and rough, in a maid's skirt and blouse or cat ears and a tail.
Uta treated him gently, vigilant in aftercare. Shuu loved him. He had thought he'd known what it was to be in love, but this.......nothing compared.
>end flashback<
Now, he snuggled up to Uta, catching his lips in a kiss, opening his mouth to the other's hot, wet tongue, probing and exploring Shuu, leaving no inch untasted.
Tsukiyama moaned when Uta' hand crept to his thigh, sliding up to cup his erection.

"Can I make love to you, kitten?" Uta rasped, fingers deftly sliding down Shuu's boxers.

"Mmmph, please," Tsukiyama whimpered, kissing his boyfriend again.
Uta stroked him slowly, sucking hickeys on his throat and shoulders, relishing the gourmet's mewls. It was the perfect distraction from the ghosts that haunted his lover. And as he scissored him open, then settled between his spread legs, Uta knew that he'd never love anyone more than he loved Shuu Tsukiyama.

~fin~