A Hogwarts Romance: Ron Weasley (IN PROGRESS AND UNDER EDITING)

Confused

*Bella's Point Of View*

What. Just. Happened?

Ron kissed me. Ron kissed me and I kissed him back. 

Feeling dazed, I stop where I am and look around, breathing deeply to slow my racing heart. I've just run out of The Three Broomsticks, leaving Ron alone, and now I'm standing in the middle of Hogsmeade as people bustle around me without a second glance. I don't know what to do or where to go next. Should I go back to Ron? But what would I say after what just happened? What would I do? Would he want to kiss me again? And if he did, would I kiss him back?

I kissed Ron. I suddenly feel giddy. I could scream it to the world right now, if I wanted. I kissed Ron because he kissed me first, and he's such a good kisser it's unbelievable, and I would do it again! 

But then my heart sinks. Why did Ron kiss me? Why did I kiss him back? There's no way he likes me, right? We're best friends. We're not a couple.

Does Ron want us to be together? As in, together together? Boyfriend and girlfriend together?

I shouldn't have kissed him back. I don't like Ron that way... I can't like Ron that way, because what if it ruins our friendship? What if we date and break up and then we can't be friends anymore? I can't fancy Ron. I can't, I can't, I can't. This is exactly what Draco was suspicious of- that me and Ron are more than friends. If I date Ron, that could put him in harm's way at the hands of Draco. I can't do that to Ron, no matter how much I fancy him. I mean, I don't fancy him... right? Blimey. I do fancy Ron, don't I? Well, it doesn't matter anyway, because I can't be with him. I know I can't.

But what if you can? a voice in my head says. What if you date Ron, and it does work out? What if you get married and stay together forever? 

"I can't," I say aloud to myself like an idiot. "I just can't, okay? I can't risk losing him. And I can't risk Draco hurting him. I'm not even sure what I'm feeling. It's all too much." I feel my heart pounding wildly and I can practically feel the panic attack rising. I stop and try to calm my breathing for a moment.

"Bella," a voice says quietly right by my ear. I jump up, startled. I turn slowly. It's Ron, of course, who seems to have just caught up to me and is standing right behind me in the doorway to The Three Broomsticks. He looks puzzled and worried but also excited at the same time, if that makes any sense. "I thought you had to pee?" 

"I had to poop, actually," I blurt out, and I internally kick myself. What in the ruddy hell am I saying? It's not even true, anyway. The reason I left him there had nothing to do with any sort of trip to the bathroom, and I'm sure Ron knows that. Also, ew. What is wrong with me? 

"Okay," Ron says slowly, looking more confused now. "But you're just standing out here?" I nod slowly, and he seems to consider this for a moment. We both stand in silence for a bit, and I look at the ground and refuse to make eye contact, until I finally look up again and see him still staring at me. A little smirk plays at his lips, and I feel my face flush. His hair is all messy and sticking up in random places from when we were kissing, and I remember how I was just running my hands through it only moments ago. The thought of that makes my heart flutter like crazy, though I know what happened today can never happen again.

"I think I've had too much Butterbeer," I tell Ron finally. He raises an eyebrow. 

Awkward silence. Ron's eyes search mine, seeming to ask a question. A question that I don't have the answer to. 

"I'm sorry, Ron," I whisper, and I run away before he can catch me.

I need to talk to Hermione.