The Pages We Miss ➳ Louis Tomlinson

|| CHAPTER SEVEN || yelled, cursed and cried

L O U I S

'We're going out for a bit.' Zayn said from the door. 'Wanna come?'

'Nah man.' I answered from where I sat on Lacey's couch. 'I think I'm going to stay in. I'm still a little jetlagged.'

'Suit yourself.' Niall grinned. He was always grinning. I wonder if his cheeks ever got sore. 'We'll be back this afternoon.'

'Alright, be safe.'

And with that it was just me and Laceys apartment.

It was weird being there; being in the place she now called home. A million miles away from the only one I truly knew to be hers.

I paced around the living room, looking at every photo on each of the walls, examining them.

There were ones of her family, and people I assumed to be her friends.

And a guy.

He was in a lot of them; tall and muscular with raven black hair and a smirk for a smile.

I suppose that was Elliot.

Just looking at him sent jealousy spiralling through my stomach.

But then I would look at her, see her standing there, under his arm, looking up at him.

And then instead of feeling jealous, I would just feel sad.

'That should be me.'

The words escaped my mouth before I even have the chance to think them through, before I had the chance to catch them and put them back where they belong, in a place I'd kind ago buried.

They came out as the faintest whisper, like a laugh that sounds miles away, but is carried to you on the wind, just enough so you can hear the slight ring of it, just enough to become curious.

Should that be me? Maybe. I guess I would never know know.

I continued on my search through her apartment, looking for something, but I wasn't quite sure what it was is.

That was until I realised it wasn't there.

It was me. There was nothing of me.

Not a single gift or photo.

Nothing.

And it felt like my chest was about to explode with the anger that flared up inside of me. All I could see was red.

She banishes me from her life, tells me to live my dream, but without her, and then throws away any piece of me she has left?

In that instant, in the tiny miniscule second between my grief and my anger, I realised why I never picked up her book.

I was afraid.

Afraid that the same thing would happen, that there would be nothing of me in it. Not even a scrap of me.

That her book, the one that made her famous and successful and independent, would have nothing to do with me.

When mine, my success, had everything to do with her.

Fuck, I need a drink.

***

'That was crazy.' I heard Lacey laugh as she came through the front door of her apartment.

'Where have you guys been?' I asked frantically. 'You were supposed to be home hours ago.'

'Sorry Mum.' Lacey continued to laugh. 'I didn't know we had a curfew!'

'Chill Louis.' Harry said a smirk on his lips. In the last couple of hours I had really come to hate smirks. 'We decided to go for a little walk after the tasting and then we got mobbed by some fans.'

'Wait! You got mobbed! Are you alright?' I said, my eyes taking over Lacey's figure, making sure she was okay.

'We're fine.' Liam said.

'I wasn't asking you!' I snapped.

'Whoa, Louis, there is no need to be a dick.' Harry argued.

'Sorry.' I huffed at Liam. 'I-I was just worried.'

'Well you didn't need to be!' Lacey scolded. 'This is my city and I know how to handle myself.'

'Oh-kay.' Liam said, grabbing Harry by the shoulder and heading for the door. 'I think Harry and I might just go next door and let you guys talk this one out.'

Once they were gone, Lacey marched into her room and slammed her door shut.

But I was pissed off, slightly intoxicated, and not about to let her get off that easy.

'I can't believe you still stamp your feet like a fucking four year old!' I said, bursting into her room. She was already armed with a pillow, as if she knew I was going to come in after her.

'You're here for not even two days and you think that you can just come in and dictate what I can and can't do!' She yelled, launching the pillow at me.

'I'm not trying to tell you what you can and can't do!' I screamed. 'I'm just trying to be your friend! I'm just trying to get back to the way things were before!'

'Well news flash Louis!' She said. 'We're not those people anymore. We're not those kids from Doncaster anymore. We've changed, I've changed. I'm not a child anymore, I don't need you to be superman anymore Lou. For Gods sakes, I'm twenty-two years old!'

'You're right, you are fucking twenty-two, which might make you old enough to drive and drink and party and have sex, but you are way too young to be getting fucking married! But if you didn't want me to tell you that, if you didn't want me to be superman anymore, then what do you want?'

She stood there gobsmacked, not sure how to react or retaliate.

We'd screamed at each other before. Yelled, cursed, and cried. We'd fought. A lot. And on many different occasions.

But not like this.

'What do you want?' I asked again, my voice cracking.

'God.' She said. 'I just want you to be there, be my friend in a way you know how to, not in the way you used to be. I don't need that guy anymore. I need someone to tell me that everything is going to be alright. I need someone who is going to tell me that I'm not making a huge mistake.' She started to sob.

'Lace I-'

'Just tell me that I'm not making a mistake.'

It hurt me to see her crying, to see her so vulnerable and so down and so empty.

Despair was written all over her face and I knew that whatever I was about to say would make a huge impact, so I had to choose my words carefully, even if I wasn't being truthful.

'You're not making a mistake.'