Five's Fate

Nonsense and Nauseousness

I hate the way I've been living. Being locked up and a prisoner however I almost feel grateful for the treatment I'm getting. It could be worse. Maybe I need this time to think and reflect. To fully understand what happened to me and how I got myself here. I want to decide for myself if when I tried to kill Nine and killed Eight if I had really decided to change sides. If it was what I wanted. Or if it was just me under a hypnosis. If it wasn't really me and that I had been tricked and lied too. I was lied too. But I still need to know and to be able to tell myself, and John and Marina that it wasn't me betraying them. But as of right now I can't. I havn't put a lot of focus on it. Maybe that's what I should be doing. Replaying every moment as painful as so many of them are.

I try to identify when I had truly moved to mogs side. When it was full blown. I think it was after Ethan was injured and I killed him. I had nothing going else to think about and I invaded my people.

I also think about the exact moment I realized I was wrong. That I couldn't betray my poeple and fight against them. It was when I realized I killed eight. I felt like a curse had been lifted from me and I could think k fir myself again. But it was too late then. Marina took out my eye. And they would never trust me again.

I also think about the moments leading up to Eights death. Marina and him tried to convince me to stop. Tried to tell me they had done something to me. They had. They did. I know I still struggle with my anger. Me and night everyone are enemies forever. However lately it's more like we're friends who want to hurt each other. Small difference but thinking of it that way brings a smile to my face.

I make a list of what the others have done for me. Didn't kill me. Saved my life. Let me help them end the war. Healed me server all times. Saved me again and then treated me fairly well sometimes during the past month. I see it all. I write it all out in the notebook from the top of the dresser. It helped to see it.

I am still writing when the lights turn off. But then they flick on briefly and turn off again. I freeze and wait to see if it will continue. When it doesn't I close the notebook and lay it down. I'm actually tired.

Day 31. I dreamed about the scars on my leg. The sign of the fallen numbers. There are four. I caused one. I relived it in my dreams. When I woke up I didn't forget them.

The day is again passing slowly. I'm bored, and smelly as always. I've been thinking about what would happen if they just let me go. Forgave me? Would I fly away? Would they let me train the new gaurd? It's all fantasy.

Later nine comes running in. "Dude you have no what these gaurd kids are like. Six of them got out of here and one got taken and we just finished getting them all back here. I'm boiling at them but I'm almost proud. They fought off a bunch of stupid bikers and jeeze their in trouble but wow !" He finishes taking in a deep breath. I jump up from lying on the bed.

"What are you talking about?" I ask having heard most of what he said but still being confused.

I notice then the UN gaurd looking very unhappy through the door way. Nine notices as well. "Back off. Take a break" He instructs them. "But the general said too.." They reply. "Well tell him what I said and that I'm running the show." He saids with authors type in his voice. They slink down and walk away. I'm surprised and impressed. Surprised to see them do what nine told them and to hear was running the place.

"Your running the place?" I ask.

"Hell ya." He answers excitingly "Head of everything around here" I nodd once. "Come on" He saids surprisingly calmly. I follow him out.

We walk towards a washroom. "You can shower or whatever else. Three doors down when your done." Nines saids walking away. "Don't try anything bastard!" He adds. I roll my eyes. Nines just as annoying as he answered he knows it. I am surprised though I can leave the room unsupervised when I'm done. Surprised but happy.

I enter the room. I try to activate my external on the doorknobs. But their still neutralized. I proceed getting cleaned up as I have done on a few occasions before.