Mini Diary •🔐📝•

Stalking?

I've been visiting your twitter, wondering if I should do it or not. Thankfully, I was able to control myself.
I have no idea if you've noticed the accidental follow or likes I've done a couple times, when visiting your twitter account.
I wasn't stalking, I wanted to reach out to you. You were the only person to be able to put me at ease, you always knew what to say to me. I wanted to ask for advice, anonymously.
To ask how to stop. The self harm and the suicidal thoughts that follow. But I didn't. I couldn't bring myself burden you any longer. Whenever I accidentally liked, I hope you'd reach out and tell me what's my problem. That why I've been visiting your twitter. So I can clear the misunderstandings. So I can tell you, that I needed your help and advice. Apart of me wanted it to happen, apart of me wanted to you to know about what's happening. But I won't let you know. You're so unpredictable.
All this happened after our last fight, who knows what you'd do? Would you blame yourself? I wanna tell you, it's not your fault in any way. Would you tell me to fuck off and that you don't give a shit? I honestly wouldn't know how I'd react to that. I wouldn't know what to do if you say that to me, in these circumstances. Or would feel burdened but wouldn't admit it? And help me? Any of these options I won't accept. I've hurt you. I deserve the pain I'm going through.