It All Comes Back To Me Now

Part 1

I hear the music start to play in the next room. That is my cue. I can barely breathe, but I attempt to stand on my ginormous heels that cost me a fortune. My bridesmaids do their best to sweep my long train behind me so I do not accidentally catch it with my heel and fall flat on my face. Although, that scenario might not be as bad as compared to walking down the aisle with tons of people staring at me in this outlandish dress. The feeling of having hundreds of eyes all on me is very overwhelming. I try not to think about it.

As I grasp my bouquet it abruptly hits me; I am about to get married. Most people consider marriage to be the next chapter in their life or a new beginning to their story. Some people even feel as if they have been dead their whole life up until this moment. They meet their future spouse and this brings them to life. Not me.

I feel like this is the end for me. I am not sure how I got to this point and why I feel like this marriage equals death, so to speak. My thoughts overpower me and I begin shaking. I can barely hold my bouquet up right. It is about to fall when one of my bridesmaids catches it. She returns it to my grasp. I see that it was Mary, my best friend and maid of honor, who caught it. Mary is such a help to me on this day, my wedding day, and she continues to help me by holding my arm as I start to take small steps towards the door. The photographer appears in front of me, camera ready.

"Are you ready?" He is already taking pictures.

"As ready as I'll ever be." I reply with a fake smile.

We start walking down the hallway that leads to the auditorium. It seems as if this hallway is never ending. I picture it as a dark lit bridge that is cut off in the middle. There is fog all around me so I cannot see where the bridge is broken. I am walking straight towards my death. I know it sounds dramatic, but that is how I imagine it. Astonishingly, I make it to the double doors that open to the main auditorium. I look at the sea of faces which are blurs I cannot make out. They seem to be people I have met before.

The music I had heard from the back room is still playing. The photographer motions my bridesmaids to walk down the aisle along with the groomsmen. Once everyone is in their places, my eyes naturally look straight to the stage where my husband-to-be is waiting. I merely get a glimpse of his face as I start to walk down the aisle when apprehension stops me half way. I cannot continue walking. My breathing stops altogether. The pain from my shoes are adding to the pressure I feel in my nerves. I start sweating. My bouquet drops to the floor and soon thereafter so do I. All I see is the ceiling. Then in a flash, I am gone.

I feel someone's touch on my arm and I hear a voice. I try opening my eyes to see who it is, but they are having trouble lifting. My head starts to throb from the fall. The searing pain wakes me up. I see Mary standing over me.

"Jules. Jules. Can you hear me? Jules? I see your eyes opening." I feel so groggy and heavy. I barley turn my head left and right. I clearly see I am in the hospital, but I ask Mary where I am anyways.

"Mary? W-where am I?"

"You're at the hospital. You fainted and hit your head hard. We called an ambulance and had you rushed right over here."

Mary explains to me how I ended up in the hospital, but while she is telling me, I feel a huge weight lift off my shoulders. I can breathe again. I am not married. I sigh with relief along with a tiny smile that started to form in the corners of my lips.

"Jules. You hit your head hard. Are you ok?" Mary is genuinely concerned.

I can read on her face how much she cares about me. This is why I chose her to be my maid of honor. She had taken me in ever since I moved to Seattle seven years ago. I reassure Mary I am feeling fine.