BROKEN ROAD - One Man's Journey

CHAPTER NINE - The Best And Worst In Me

Over the next month's Ben kept the promise he had made. Whenever he returned home, fatigued, his head full of what would always be with him it was Wanda whom he went to first. Gut wrenching fear as he drove up. Would there be an unfamiliar car? Would she still be single? It ate at him on every flight back. He knew that he was hopelessly in love with a woman he could not have. He also knew that he was going to change that. He just did not know how quite yet. She was as tough as he was in many ways. She still kept to her words but for him it was just one more obstacle he had to get past. Any free moment he had was taken up by thoughts of how he could win her over. From the minute he could be Ben McAdams and let his thoughts go, his mind was full of her. It had been almost two months since he last saw her.

She had opened the door and invited him in just like she always had. Kind, polite and with a small smile that warmed his heart. She offered coffee, food, to be a sounding board, whatever he needed she was there for him. She treated him with respect. She gave him everything but what he wanted most. She showed him continual decency and never asked him to leave her be. She was by now not only the one he loved but his best friend. He needed to see her this time. Needed to be near her. This was his third trip back.

He closed his eyes getting as comfortable as he could for the long flight which would take most of the night. He thought back to his last homecoming. She was in Germany. He did not even have the chance to see her and his visit with Jeb was not his best either. He'd only been gone a few weeks but it was still great to be on American soil again. He had stopped for breakfast with Jeb the morning he arrived. The conversation had withered down when Jeb asked if he was still seeing Wanda. Ben sighed and said "Yes but not in the capacity I would like it to be." He filled him in a little of how Wanda had put a damper on the relationship. He didn't discuss her words to him in the loft, however. Those words would stay between them only.

"So, what now." Jeb inquired. "Friends?" "Not exactly." "I still want to be with her that isn't going to change but no matter what I do or say the answer is still the same." "Bro," Jeb had replied "How long has this been going on?" "Well, we were moving in the right direction when I brought her to the farm." Jeb did recall. They weren't overly warm with her but in all fairness Ben's parents didn't think she would be around much longer and he knew they were beginning to resent the amount of time they were missing out on because he was always with her. He didn't get home often as it was. He had said as much to Ben. "None of you got it, I doubt any of you do now either," was his reply. "She is not monopolizing my time. I'm taking up hers."

Jeb let that sit there. He hadn't thought of that possibility. "She does not call me, she does not ask me to take her anywhere or do anything for her. She never has. When I stop by without permission she doesn't turn me away regardless of how early or late it is. She is kind and polite and one hell of a person." "Okay, then what kept you from being with her if it was going that way?" Ben had given no details of the night he had told her he loved her but he had went on. "Work." "I was gone for months." "All I will say is she got hurt in that and almost half a year is a long time to carry that with you. When I came back she said she couldn't do it." "And from there," Ben had sighed again, "we are still close but she won't give in." "How do you know?" "I ask her Jeb, every time I sense a spark, every time I see a certain look in her eyes."

Jeb actually had felt bad for him. He could tell that this, that Wanda, really was someone his cousin had truly fallen for. "By the way, Jeb" Ben had said, "Thanks for making her feel more welcome at Vinos. You trying to get it meant a lot to me." Jeb had reminded him that it was now the end of April. He told Ben it was probably long past time he should have given up. That only had fueled his determination. Now he thought, as he tried to get comfortable, another month had passed before he could get home. More time wasted. Another four weeks that he had not been able to try to get her to see it the way that he did. It was now almost June. Next month would be a year. How many times had he tried to change their course? Would she ever give him what he wanted?